What You Wished You Knew Before IVF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That placing.multiple embryos can result in twins. And that multiple births are scary and more risky, even "just" twins.

+1. After many failed rounds we did a Hail Mary and put in two “C -grade” blasts. Twin pregnancy and very hard. Bed rest for three months and a scary ride after premature labor. We’ve got healthy kids now but it’s been a hell of a journey and unless you are prepared for the possibility of twins don’t put in more than one. To be clear, I’m grateful. But I literally have PTSD (see a therapist) as an outgrowth of early labor and the complications that followed. Hard on me and hard on my marriage too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of wonderful teen DCs whom we adopted as infants after trying IVF, I wish I had known that I would be just as happy this way. I wish I hadn't gone through the time and the cost and just started adopting.

I felt like this too, for awhile, but realized that I wouldn't have my daughter if our timeline was different. Someone else would've adopted her. Of course I would like the money back but I can't begrudge the timeline that brought my daughter to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of wonderful teen DCs whom we adopted as infants after trying IVF, I wish I had known that I would be just as happy this way. I wish I hadn't gone through the time and the cost and just started adopting.

+1000

In true "God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" fashion, I can't even begin to imagine my life without my two amazing kids, who wouldn't be mine if my IVF rounds hadn't failed.

[Anonymous]

Consider that multiple embryos are a mixed blessing. Figuring out what to do with them is very hard. There are no good answers. Our one cycle was more productive than we expected - we got two kids out of it, and still have 3 PGS normal embryos in storage. We don't want any more kids but still, the thought of disposing of them is HARD. Donation is not an option for us. I can't pay for storage forever. It's just hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider that multiple embryos are a mixed blessing. Figuring out what to do with them is very hard. There are no good answers. Our one cycle was more productive than we expected - we got two kids out of it, and still have 3 PGS normal embryos in storage. We don't want any more kids but still, the thought of disposing of them is HARD. Donation is not an option for us. I can't pay for storage forever. It's just hard.

+1. Tough decisions start before transfer and continue if you have a successful cycle.

I would also say that you never can tell. My first pregnancy I had two blasts and wound up with a singleton. After a failed FET, and a less productive fresh cycle, we transferred two embryos at 3 days. I was not optimistic, but that cycle wound up resulting in twins.

The entire process is an emotional roller coaster. Know that going in.

[Anonymous]

The hormones mess with you. Emotionally AND physically. I did 5 stim cycles in a year and I was getting cystic acne every month while in treatment. Just realized my skin has been perfectly clear since we stopped.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had known that it was a holistic journey. That you have to take care of yourself emotionally as well as physically, and that this means putting yourself first.

[Anonymous]

That IVF can be diagnostic. We started as an "unexplained" diagnosis, but after our cycle where only half of our eggs fertilized even with ICSI.....the doctors now think it's a male factor issue (though what exactly the issue is is not clear). Thankfully, we still got a good number of normal embryos - but you can walk into an IVF cycle looking like a picture perfect candidate....and walk out with a whole lot more information that you didn't have before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That it may not work on the first, second, or third try. Even if you are a “perfect” candidate with “perfect” embryos. Be prepared for a much longer haul than potentially anticipated.

Not necessarily true. I did 6 months of clomid, 3 IUI’s and then my first IVF worked like a charm- 17 embryos, they froze 10 grade A blasts. I now have my fresh cycle baby, my FET baby, and I’m pregnant with my third from FET and have 7 frozen embryos left. Please give her some hope and positivity- not just negative stories.

[Anonymous]

That donor eggs would be a good experience. I thought I'd be devastated by losing a genetic connection to the baby, but I wasn't. Emotionally and intellectually I ended up loving him to pieces and he is every bit mine. Huge blessing at the end of a 6 year long, angry, exhausting road. I wish I'd done it sooner.

[Anonymous]

I agree that I wish I knew it would work. It was heartbreaking when the first cycle was a bust, fet cycle a bust. Eventually after I think 5 cycyles we had enough embryos to create 4 children through 3 pregnancies. After our first child where I hardly had any eggs my body after the pregnancy break was able to produce a lot more. There’s so much that they can change with meds if first cycles unsuccessful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That donor eggs would be a good experience. I thought I'd be devastated by losing a genetic connection to the baby, but I wasn't. Emotionally and intellectually I ended up loving him to pieces and he is every bit mine. Huge blessing at the end of a 6 year long, angry, exhausting road. I wish I'd done it sooner.

Which clinic did you use for DE? I'm in the process of evaluating clinics and feel like I keep seeing horror stories about all of the local fertility clinics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That donor eggs would be a good experience. I thought I'd be devastated by losing a genetic connection to the baby, but I wasn't. Emotionally and intellectually I ended up loving him to pieces and he is every bit mine. Huge blessing at the end of a 6 year long, angry, exhausting road. I wish I'd done it sooner.

Which clinic did you use for DE? I'm in the process of evaluating clinics and feel like I keep seeing horror stories about all of the local fertility clinics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That it may not work on the first, second, or third try. Even if you are a “perfect” candidate with “perfect” embryos. Be prepared for a much longer haul than potentially anticipated.

Not necessarily true. I did 6 months of clomid, 3 IUI’s and then my first IVF worked like a charm- 17 embryos, they froze 10 grade A blasts. I now have my fresh cycle baby, my FET baby, and I’m pregnant with my third from FET and have 7 frozen embryos left. Please give her some hope and positivity- not just negative stories.

That’s why she said “may not.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That no one there will ever admit you should stop. You have to have your own firm limits because they won’t ever admit that you need to move on to adoption or childlessness.

+10000

Yea. This. I only stopped because insurance ran out otherwise I would have kept going.

Also - another thing is I would try to make myself Comprehend how LITTLE the chance of success is. They told me in my situation it was about 8-12 % likely to work but I did not hear it. It seemed miles higher than zero. But really that is almost no chance at all. And it is a HUGE amount of money and time and effort for such little promise Of success.

Thank God for insurance because if we had to self pay I would surely have run us into bankruptcy and divorce. Not joking. When you are in that mode it is your only priority.