What You Wished You Knew Before IVF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physically for me it wasn’t that big of a deal. But it’s incredibly time consuming and really all-consuming. You can’t plan anything because you don’t know when retrieval will be, if you’ll have blasts, if you’ll do a fresh transfer, if your FET cycle will get cancelled....

Before I started I though as long as I only have to have one retrieval, I don’t care how many transfers it takes. That was just wrong. IVF took all my mental energy.

I had success with IVF, but not before three egg retrievals, two cancelled transfer cycles, and three transfers. The cancelled cycles were as emotionally devastating as the failed cycles and the losses.

Success doesn’t instantly cure the pain of infertility. I did not feel joyful during my pregnancy— I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. And even now, with my IVF baby born, I still feel a sting when I see pregnancy announcements. Or the Tongue in cheek Facebook posts about “co-workers” doing funny things.

Yep. Pregnancy announcements still sting even though IVF was successful for me.

That you have learned that all is so random. It may work, it may not, who knows. Some things are removed from and separate from any other previous experience.

[Anonymous]

That depending on your protocol you may still be on meds your first trimester.

[Anonymous]

That it doesn’t work for everyone and in fact the drugs can fry your egg. You only really need one good egg. Start with a fertility diet, supplements, and acupuncture before you try IVF.

Full disclosure I waster 50k dollars on IVF before moving on.

[Anonymous]

That even if you beat the odds and are successful you will always have that pang when you see a pregnancy announcement. It never goes away. I really thought when DD was born it was all I needed. I felt “normal” for about a year then slowly all the new moms i made friends with started having seconds and obsessing about spacing and birth order and it HURTS.
I never thought out of 8 embryos on ice NONE of them would get us a sibling. It’s a long road of ups and downs but I am so grateful for my DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That even if you beat the odds and are successful you will always have that pang when you see a pregnancy announcement. It never goes away. I really thought when DD was born it was all I needed. I felt “normal” for about a year then slowly all the new moms i made friends with started having seconds and obsessing about spacing and birth order and it HURTS.
I never thought out of 8 embryos on ice NONE of them would get us a sibling. It’s a long road of ups and downs but I am so grateful for my DD.

I’m sorry PP. I get this. I truly thought IVF would work for me as I’ve had a sister and countless friends who had success with it easily. 8 cycles later and I’ve got nothing. And no real explanation why not.

Bottom line - I wish I had known it wasn’t going to work.

[Anonymous]

Easy answer for me. The term chemical pregnancy. Never heard of it and didn’t realize that was a thing. No one ever mentioned it. Even when my first beta was shit they said yay you’re pregnant see you in 2 days. Imagine my surprise when a day later on vacation I started to spot. Besides that nothing more I wish I knew except to go easy on myself. It was a long 3 years but it brought me my beautiful daughter.

[Anonymous]

I’m scared that the hormones will increase my risk of developing breast cancer one day.

[Anonymous]

That it may not work on the first, second, or third try. Even if you are a “perfect” candidate with “perfect” embryos. Be prepared for a much longer haul than potentially anticipated.

[Anonymous]

How much $$$$ was truly involved, especially considering it’s far from a guarantee of a baby. I am one of the lucky ones since I got a healthy son and am 35 weeks along with #2 after “only” three rounds over five years, but seeing all the bills for meds, failed FETs, etc, while 95%+ of the rest of the world is able to conceive for free still really gets to me. I could have paid off student loans, saved for my kids college or so much else with that money and it upsets me every time I think about it. In all we spent almost 100k and while of course it was “worth it” I don’t think I’ll ever get over that part of it. I wish I lived in a mandated state or one of us had worked for a company with coverage.

[Anonymous]

Simplify your life. Do nothing extra except what you need to do to stay alive and keep your job. It’s so mentally exhausting.

Even the most supportive husband just doesn’t get it. Ask for what you need.

I wish I hadn’t tried so hard to have OE baby and move on to Donor Egg sooner.

PIO, really not that bad.

[Anonymous]

Think before you tell people, even close friends. I thought I was just being real by letting friends know I was doing IVF, but when my cycles failed they all had empty platitudes that were super triggering, like “just stay positive,” or “All in God’s time” or “I have a friend who did X, have you tried...” Sometimes this made me snap, and it’s really affected my relationships.

[Anonymous]

That it would be an emotional roller-coaster. That the baby girl we adopted two years later would grow into the loving, beautiful, smart, funny young woman who's upstairs doing her senior year of college right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think before you tell people, even close friends. I thought I was just being real by letting friends know I was doing IVF, but when my cycles failed they all had empty platitudes that were super triggering, like “just stay positive,” or “All in God’s time” or “I have a friend who did X, have you tried...” Sometimes this made me snap, and it’s really affected my relationships.

This. Don’t tell anyone. They all assume IVF = guaranteed baby.

[Anonymous]

That the first shot is scary, but then after that they’re really NBD.

[Anonymous]

That it can strain your marriage