What You Wished You Knew Before IVF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think before you tell people, even close friends. I thought I was just being real by letting friends know I was doing IVF, but when my cycles failed they all had empty platitudes that were super triggering, like “just stay positive,” or “All in God’s time” or “I have a friend who did X, have you tried...” Sometimes this made me snap, and it’s really affected my relationships.

THIS. It’s a very emotional time. Your body thinks each cycle IS a pregnancy and the let down is like a MC. But only other infertility patients know that.

[Anonymous]

That you should take a very hard look at the stats. When I finally left after 2 years and tried everything possible my doctor said well none of your cycles were really normal.

[Anonymous]

That some people think IVF is wrong and will judge you for it. Be very selective in who you tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your head down and follow the instructions to the letter. Don’t expect a lot of hand holding and emotional support from your doctors or nurses. Frozen embryo transfers were more painful/tiresome than retrievals because of the POI shots. I hate PÍO shots.

Interesting. FET were easy to me. I would do that again in a minute. Fresh cycles were torture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think before you tell people, even close friends. I thought I was just being real by letting friends know I was doing IVF, but when my cycles failed they all had empty platitudes that were super triggering, like “just stay positive,” or “All in God’s time” or “I have a friend who did X, have you tried...” Sometimes this made me snap, and it’s really affected my relationships.

This. Don’t tell anyone. They all assume IVF = guaranteed baby.

+2. I would not tell people who haven’t been through it. They will not understand. It’s hard to until you’ve done it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The health risks of pumping your body with hormones and harvesting eggs

This crossed my mind too. There have, effectively, been no good long term studies about the health effects, but a lot of anecdotal evidence that suggests the regimen is deleterious to women's health.

NY Times did a piece on this recently: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/16/parenting/fertility/ivf-long-term-effects.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The health risks of pumping your body with hormones and harvesting eggs

This crossed my mind too. There have, effectively, been no good long term studies about the health effects, but a lot of anecdotal evidence that suggests the regimen is deleterious to women's health.

NY Times did a piece on this recently: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/16/parenting/fertility/ivf-long-term-effects.html

Sorry, got cut off. What I meant to add:

You matter too, woman who is considering IVF. It's not selfish to put your health first.

(Of course, if biological motherhood is immensely and indescribably important to you, I respect that, and understand that these health concerns might seem trivial.)

[Anonymous]

That you are paying a lot of $$$ to be a guinea pig. The doctors are making their best guesses on how to treat your specific case but they don’t really have an answer. When our first retrieval cycle yielded less than desirable results, the doc said “well next time we’ll do ...” and i was shocked at how casually he talked about doing another cycle when we were paying totally out of pocket.

And +1 to the PP who mentioned male factor IF. It was only through a fluke that DH got referred to a urologist who diagnosed a varicocele. We went from zero blastocysts to six after he got the problem fixed. Fertility doc had all along insisted DH’s numbers were fine.

[Anonymous]

be your own advocate and do the research (read basic stuff like Fertility IQ) so that you know if your doctor is putting you on the best protocol that works for you. Request all read outs of your electronic health records.

Pay for PGS testing. Do not do fresh transfers. Frozen is better

Have courage and fight to the ends of the earth for your take home baby

[Anonymous]

As the mom of wonderful teen DCs whom we adopted as infants after trying IVF, I wish I had known that I would be just as happy this way. I wish I hadn't gone through the time and the cost and just started adopting.

[Anonymous]

That if it did not work, there were other options like adoption, and as it turns out, i ended up adopting the most remarkable newborn (now almost 7) who is far better than anything i could have created with my eggs even when they were good!

[Anonymous]

OP here...thank you...everyone. This has given me so much to consider. I appreciate this so much. Thanks for sharing your difficult stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That it can strain your marriage

+1

Also to take care of yourself - in whatever form that is to you - is critical. Take walks, nap, read, go to therapy or support group, acupuncture, nourishing food. Slow down a bit; this a stressful process, time consuming, and even in the best case of pregnancy, an unpredictable ride.

And lastly, agree to be selective about who you share with. Not everyone understands infertility much less IVF. And there are definitely people who don’t “believe in” IVF. Had a couple of people launch into diatribes about adoption or accepting childlessness when I shared I was going to do IVF.

[Anonymous]

Wish I’d known that there will be ups and downs and not to hang every hope on having X number of follicles or Z number of eggs retrieved. It was a wrenching process because I emphasized the quantity of everything - this was partially reinforced by forums like this (not a ding but an observation).

Of the eight IVF cycles I did (at two different times in my life), the two that ultimately led to pregnancies were the ones with a lower egg retrieval count. Yes, of course it’s great to get a lot of eggs and a lot of blasts, but you just need one.

[Anonymous]

That placing.multiple embryos can result in twins. And that multiple births are scary and more risky, even "just" twins.