My Brother is Insisting on Having His September Wedding

[Anonymous]

People have the right to make their own decisions. If you dont feel safe, you dont have to go. If your parents want to go because he is their son and they think it is worth the small risk, they can go.

Its one of the things I hate about all of this. We are acting like the elderly are like pets we have to protect. Im sure your parents are smart people who understand the choice they are making. Believe it or not, for some, seeing their son get married might just be worth taking this risk. Im sure they know nobody would blame them if they responded that they were not able to go and would i stead have a zoom call later that night in celebration, but I bet for them they think its worth it to be there in person. You need to support them on this.

[Anonymous]

OP here to clarify- reception is in VA where gatherings can be held for up to 250.

Thanks to the posters who posted the articles. There are just so many questions. I don’t think I’m going to travel to go. I just wish my parents wouldn’t. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In DC area. 200 people invited. Wedding inside a hotel ballroom. They have said already 100 people have said they will come. They are having special masks made for the happy hour that have a straw hole in them. But, no masks for dinner obviously? “Dancing boxes” with only one couple per box.
My 75 year old father is insistent on going and taking part in all activities. 70 year old mother undecided. Brother says he needs “closure on his engagement” and that a church wedding is a supposed requirement for his brides family. All of brides family is coming.
Am I nuts to be annoyed? I am in one of the states with high rise of cases, in high rise profession. I hate my parents are being put in this position. It’s causing serious familial drama and stress.

Your brother is an idiot as is his lovely bride.

This is ridiculous, selfish and they are truly not ready to be married.

[Anonymous]

We need as a society to move away from the demand that a wedding reception be held IMMEDIATELY after the wedding.

Rather, instead, the $$$ and effort should be exerted on either a baby shower or a first anniversary party, or at least make it a perfectly cromulent choice as opposed to the weird looks such a thing would get today.

Reduce the stress on the bride and groom. Let them deal with the stress of beginning a new life together and work through the most obvious issue.

As to OP ...

If the bride's family needs a ceremony performed by a 38th degree SuperMason, that's fine. Does her religion demand that dozens of people show up (from out of area? out of the country?) on the very same day as the wedding, or can the reception/party be held later?

If you're from FL or one of the new hotness states in spreading the virus, ask your parents or your brother if they'd pay for a seven day quarantine (or quarantine at your home for seven days).

Also realize that the hot spots of September may be an entirely different, seemingly random, set of states. Florida might be ruled by warlords swearing allegiance to The Mouse. Texas and Georgia might have it under control, but Washington State and Oregon will be under the worst ravages of any state yet. So this wedding may not happen in the way your brother thinks it will happen.

[Anonymous]

Your brother and his wife are @sses. Many people have canceled their weddings or just done a justice of the peace thing. You can always have the party when it’s safe.

Mask holes and dancing boxes are not going to protect anybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need as a society to move away from the demand that a wedding reception be held IMMEDIATELY after the wedding.

Rather, instead, the $$$ and effort should be exerted on either a baby shower or a first anniversary party, or at least make it a perfectly cromulent choice as opposed to the weird looks such a thing would get today.

Reduce the stress on the bride and groom. Let them deal with the stress of beginning a new life together and work through the most obvious issue.

As to OP ...

If the bride's family needs a ceremony performed by a 38th degree SuperMason, that's fine. Does her religion demand that dozens of people show up (from out of area? out of the country?) on the very same day as the wedding, or can the reception/party be held later?

If you're from FL or one of the new hotness states in spreading the virus, ask your parents or your brother if they'd pay for a seven day quarantine (or quarantine at your home for seven days).

Also realize that the hot spots of September may be an entirely different, seemingly random, set of states. Florida might be ruled by warlords swearing allegiance to The Mouse. Texas and Georgia might have it under control, but Washington State and Oregon will be under the worst ravages of any state yet. So this wedding may not happen in the way your brother thinks it will happen.

Your idea is interesting and the fact that you used the word “cromulent” is fascinating!

[Anonymous]

My family just informed a close friend that we will not attend her wedding this weekend. We had RSVP'ed to come to the outdoor ceremony, but not the reception, because we didn't feel it would be safe inside a ballroom for hours. We found out guests will be seated close together as at a normal pre-pandemic wedding for the ceremony and decided to bow out. I'm pretty sad about this and worried we will be the only ones who don't go and the couple will think we don't care about their friendship, which we really really do. This is just how superspreader events are happening in ither countries where they are controlling it better than here.

It really, really sucks, but i think couples who get married mid-pandemic need to look at people not coming as a health decision and NOT a reflection of how much they care about the relationship. So yeah...i might skip my brother's wedding. Fortunately, the one family wedding scheduled for this summer was canceled and the couple had a lovely little park elopement, which I think was a thoughtful and loving decision by them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have the right to make their own decisions. If you dont feel safe, you dont have to go. If your parents want to go because he is their son and they think it is worth the small risk, they can go.

Its one of the things I hate about all of this. We are acting like the elderly are like pets we have to protect. Im sure your parents are smart people who understand the choice they are making. Believe it or not, for some, seeing their son get married might just be worth taking this risk. Im sure they know nobody would blame them if they responded that they were not able to go and would i stead have a zoom call later that night in celebration, but I bet for them they think its worth it to be there in person. You need to support them on this.

Just stop it. Public health is not about individual choice. That's not how it works. This is irresponsible at every level, including the VA government that is allowing this gathering to happen. It could affect OP, her family, and everyone they come in contact with...which may well be many posters on this forum.

It's truly maddening, because this "let individuals make their own choices" mentality is why we're in this mess in the first place. There are some decisions that have to be made collectively, and that's the reason we have an elected government...so people have a say in who gets to make collective decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have the right to make their own decisions. If you dont feel safe, you dont have to go. If your parents want to go because he is their son and they think it is worth the small risk, they can go.

Its one of the things I hate about all of this. We are acting like the elderly are like pets we have to protect. Im sure your parents are smart people who understand the choice they are making. Believe it or not, for some, seeing their son get married might just be worth taking this risk. Im sure they know nobody would blame them if they responded that they were not able to go and would i stead have a zoom call later that night in celebration, but I bet for them they think its worth it to be there in person. You need to support them on this.

Just stop it. Public health is not about individual choice. That's not how it works. This is irresponsible at every level, including the VA government that is allowing this gathering to happen. It could affect OP, her family, and everyone they come in contact with...which may well be many posters on this forum.

It's truly maddening, because this "let individuals make their own choices" mentality is why we're in this mess in the first place. There are some decisions that have to be made collectively, and that's the reason we have an elected government...so people have a say in who gets to make collective decisions.

OK, well call the VA governor, then call OP's brother, then call OP's parents, and report back. -np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family just informed a close friend that we will not attend her wedding this weekend. We had RSVP'ed to come to the outdoor ceremony, but not the reception, because we didn't feel it would be safe inside a ballroom for hours. We found out guests will be seated close together as at a normal pre-pandemic wedding for the ceremony and decided to bow out. I'm pretty sad about this and worried we will be the only ones who don't go and the couple will think we don't care about their friendship, which we really really do. This is just how superspreader events are happening in ither countries where they are controlling it better than here.

It really, really sucks, but i think couples who get married mid-pandemic need to look at people not coming as a health decision and NOT a reflection of how much they care about the relationship. So yeah...i might skip my brother's wedding. Fortunately, the one family wedding scheduled for this summer was canceled and the couple had a lovely little park elopement, which I think was a thoughtful and loving decision by them.

I agree, but I think this is more generally true. This is why people feel like invitations are summonses -- because so many people see attending a wedding or not as a reflection of how much you care about the relationship, rather than a reflection of how much money, vacation time, family obligations, etc., the invitee has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family just informed a close friend that we will not attend her wedding this weekend. We had RSVP'ed to come to the outdoor ceremony, but not the reception, because we didn't feel it would be safe inside a ballroom for hours. We found out guests will be seated close together as at a normal pre-pandemic wedding for the ceremony and decided to bow out. I'm pretty sad about this and worried we will be the only ones who don't go and the couple will think we don't care about their friendship, which we really really do. This is just how superspreader events are happening in ither countries where they are controlling it better than here.

It really, really sucks, but i think couples who get married mid-pandemic need to look at people not coming as a health decision and NOT a reflection of how much they care about the relationship. So yeah...i might skip my brother's wedding. Fortunately, the one family wedding scheduled for this summer was canceled and the couple had a lovely little park elopement, which I think was a thoughtful and loving decision by them.

We aren't attending my cousin's wedding this weekend. My parents and my family are the only ones we know of who aren't attending. My mom is a bit worried about the flack we're going to catch, but she just doesn't think it's safe or wise. It has nothing to do with how much she loves my cousin, and if my cousin thinks otherwise, she's nuts.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you just tested positive about ten days before the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is selfish, and none of that sounds fun (dancing boxes?). Masks with holes in them will not work. And one can get married in a church without a huge reception.

I’m sorry your parents aren’t listening to reason. I hope you can get them to change their minds about participating.

OP here- of course I’m one of the only ones in healthcare but my dad in particular is not concerned about the risk. It is SO stressful and I would never forgive my brother if something happened to my parents.

I understand your feelings. My dad is also really stressing me out. However, I've had to realize he's going to make his own decisions and they are HIS decisions.

I do think it's a little annoying that he's insisting on a party, which I'm sure your parents REALLY REALLY want to attend, instead of delaying it - but maybe there are reasons he feels it has to be now.

Also, who knows what gatherings will be like in Sept in VA....

[Anonymous]

Why is it selfish to have faith in people -- to do the right thing. Come. Everyone will wear a mask. Everyone will. Stand far away. A joyous event is happening.

No reason to make it ugly

Only come if you want. Not suggesting anyone fly or do anything other than what they're already comfortable doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - stop making it about you

Stop with "your feelings". Stop.

+1. You sound very immature OP. Don’t go, and stop trying to control your parents. They can make their own decisions.