My Brother is Insisting on Having His September Wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

“Dancing boxes” with only one couple per box.

This seems like a good idea
What hotel?

Stop trolling. You know no one is going to stick to their dancing boxes at any wedding. The idea trivializes the virus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - stop making it about you

Stop with "your feelings". Stop.

It' s not about OP's feelings.

It's about OP's brain.

OP has one. Wedding couple doesn't have a brain cell between them.

Posts like yours try to reduce resistance to group events as "if you feel that way, don't go!" but people like OP understand: The greater good of public health is more important even than our "milestone events." We all need to get over the obsession with how we must celebrate certain things certain ways right NOW. And we must learn the differences between WANTS and NEEDS. Every single thing about almost every milestone event is a want, not a need, no matter how much we've been ingrained to believe otherwise. We did not have a funeral for my sibling who died a few weeks ago (non-covid) because it is not the time to invite people to a high-covid area even for a funeral. We can deal. So the wedding couple surely can deal, too.

[Anonymous]

1/2 will declare now that they are not attending. Many that reply yes, will end up not being able to attend for various reasons. I suspect many know already they will be coming down with 'the sniffles and elevated temperature' shortly before the event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My daughter's wedding is end of August. I'm a father-of-the-bride who doesn't want to attend his own daughter's wedding. They've been living together for over five years. What are they celebrating? Just sign the paperwork. The groom-to-be is a former frat boy who wants a six-figure bachelor party. It's selfish of them to drag me out of staying at home. I'm 74 years old going on 75.

No one is

Don’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's the parents choice to attend, but I'm sure they want to see their son get married so this puts them in an awful spot.

Anyway, OP, I came on here to commiserate. I have a close relative holding their wedding in Florida over labor day weekend. No way I'm going.

I agree. I have a cousin getting married this weekend, with lots of older and otherwise vulnerable family members attending (including her mother, who has numerous health issues). We're not going, and thank goodness my parents aren't going, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's wedding is end of August. I'm a father-of-the-bride who doesn't want to attend his own daughter's wedding. They've been living together for over five years. What are they celebrating? Just sign the paperwork. The groom-to-be is a former frat boy who wants a six-figure bachelor party. It's selfish of them to drag me out of staying at home. I'm 74 years old going on 75.

Ouch, sorry. That really sucks. You should definitely stay home and ignore any guilt-tripping you might receive.

That said, there's a TON of judgement in your post that has nothing to do with COVID. If I were you, I would make sure you just stick to the facts when you decline (we're in the middle of a pandemic, you're in a high-risk group) and avoid mentioning anything about the wedding, the groom, or the bachelor party. You'll just alienate your daughter further and will not win over any converts.

And the 5-year cohabitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1/2 will declare now that they are not attending. Many that reply yes, will end up not being able to attend for various reasons. I suspect many know already they will be coming down with 'the sniffles and elevated temperature' shortly before the event.

+1. Or, if they are local,, will leave after the ceremony. The venue places are in a bind too. They are not returning deposits, only allowing a reschedule. No easy answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So remember that story out of Texas where the family had a birthday party and then everyone got COVID, including the two grandparents who then went into an ICU?

OP, you play the part of the brother (a doctor) and his wife who chose not to go because it was unsafe. They’re fine.

It was actually the wife who was the doctor and the brother was an EMT. Interesting how people keep getting it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My daughter's wedding is end of August. I'm a father-of-the-bride who doesn't want to attend his own daughter's wedding. They've been living together for over five years. What are they celebrating? Just sign the paperwork. The groom-to-be is a former frat boy who wants a six-figure bachelor party. It's selfish of them to drag me out of staying at home. I'm 74 years old going on 75.

No one is

Don’t go.

+1. You’re the family patriarch. Set an example!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you and your parents want him to do? Delay the wedding? Get married at the courthouse?

I think it is reasonable for your brother to decide to go ahead and get married. I also think it is reasonable for you and your parents not to attend. Why not go to the wedding ceremony (200 does not sound like that many in a church), and skip the reception?

Op here. If they are super intent on getting married on the original day, I would say small wedding with immediate family- okay. Celebrate next year or whenever sometime.

As it is, the church (in DC) is only allowing 10 people, so the ceremony will be streamed to the reception.

This whole thing makes me want to pull my hair out. I see news articles in the making.

This sounds reasonable. No one *has* to go to the reception and anyone over 60 shouldn't go. I would not travel to go to the wedding, even if I was supposed to be in the wedding party or a parent. It is fine to watch while streaming.

So it's fine for people, including the parents, not to attend and it's fine for the bride and groom to have a bid reception if they choose and it's allowed. Things can change before September.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My daughter's wedding is end of August. I'm a father-of-the-bride who doesn't want to attend his own daughter's wedding. They've been living together for over five years. What are they celebrating? Just sign the paperwork. The groom-to-be is a former frat boy who wants a six-figure bachelor party. It's selfish of them to drag me out of staying at home. I'm 74 years old going on 75.

No one is

Don’t go.

+1. You’re the family patriarch. Set an example!

Don't go, I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you and your parents want him to do? Delay the wedding? Get married at the courthouse?

I think it is reasonable for your brother to decide to go ahead and get married. I also think it is reasonable for you and your parents not to attend. Why not go to the wedding ceremony (200 does not sound like that many in a church), and skip the reception?

Op here. If they are super intent on getting married on the original day, I would say small wedding with immediate family- okay. Celebrate next year or whenever sometime.

As it is, the church (in DC) is only allowing 10 people, so the ceremony will be streamed to the reception.

This whole thing makes me want to pull my hair out. I see news articles in the making.

It sounds like the church is being responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He and his fiancée can decide to hold the wedding.

No.
One.
Has.
To.
Attend.

An invitation is not a summons.

Make your choice, own your choice, live your choice.

This is such a dumb response. OP is obviously worried less about herself and more about her parents. She can't control her parents, but she will suffer immense grief if they die. Thus, she will be living her parents' choice as well as her own. There is no consolation in knowing they made their own choice to attend. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He and his fiancée can decide to hold the wedding.

No.
One.
Has.
To.
Attend.

An invitation is not a summons.

Make your choice, own your choice, live your choice.

This is such a dumb response. OP is obviously worried less about herself and more about her parents. She can't control her parents, but she will suffer immense grief if they die. Thus, she will be living her parents' choice as well as her own. There is no consolation in knowing they made their own choice to attend. Sheesh.

There’s very little consolation a message board could bring either though. We might all agree with OP but nothing can be done because it’s not our choice to make.

[Anonymous]

I had a wedding last weekend in DC. just under 50 people attended in a venue for 250. masks were required inside and we did a lot of creative things to keep people social distancing.

I say this because yes, I think a 200 person wedding is unreasonable. I also think there is 0% chance it happens. bowser has been so cautious thus far, and with cases on the rise I don't see her moving to phase 3 (gatherings of 250 possible, phase 2 is gatherings of up to 50). I also don't see a venue or catering company comfortable throwing people together willy nillly without precautions.

if we are magically in phase 3, I'm sorry you have to make that choice and he's being irresponsible. we were very clear we only wanted people to come if they felt they were comfortable and everybody was very respectful. if that happens and you feel like you must attend, wear your own mask (without straws) and stay away from everybody. it is a horrible position for you to be in, and I'm sorry you can't celebrate your brother's marriage without this stress