When you don't like your parent's spouse...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepmother iced us out of my father’s life. We are never included for holidays. All of our photos were taken down. He refused to do a will because they in a state where she will inherit everything. He spends all his time with her grown children. It’s like a Lifetime movie.

+1 This happened to me too. I haven't even seen my dad in over 10 years. His choice. He has no interest in me or my family, or my siblings. He is fully engaged as a grandfther with her family, though.

Unfortunately my mom died young so I essentially lost both parents.

I hate my dad's wife and wish nothing but ill on her. I don't care how this sounds. It seems so unfair that my beloved mother got sick and died, and then this terrible woman was able to then swoop in, push out my mom's kids, and live a life of joy with my dad. Yes, he's weak, but I hate her more for exploiting this. My mom always supported my dad and made him strong, and would have been horrified at what my dad turned into after she died, and how quickly he moved on/in with this woman, and the way he rejected his children.

Women who do this are pathetic.

It is your fathers responsibility to maintain a relationship with you, not his wife’s. You are like parents who blame their daughter in law because their son doesn’t call them enough.

You’re like a wife who is more upset at the mistress when it was in fact your husband who initiated the affair.

You don’t have to like your step mother, but you can’t blame your father’s actions (or lack of actions) on her. Your father is a grown adult.

I think any step parent has a higher obligation to support appropriate relationships with the existing children. Even if the person they are marrying is weak- spouses are supposed to support each other in being the best people they can be.

For the person dating the dad of teens- please don’t get married and rush into babies- that sucks all of the attention away from older children and they can easily feel replaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always adored my stepmother, who came into my life when I was in elementary school. My mother’s second husband was not someone I could get along with. He was loud and domineering, endlessly talking over people.

I knew my mother had chosen this man, and I said what I needed to say about him —once and before they married. Then I kept my distance. I just visited less, mostly around major holidays. At any other time when I wanted to see my mother, I planned outings for just the two of us.

This cuts both ways...

My DH's son is exactly like this. And so is his ex wife, so I can see where the son gets it. Just because he is DH's son doesn't mean that I have to like him. Heck, DH doesn't even like him a lot of the time - and, frankly, it's with good reason. The kid is a jerk.

It's not always the "step" parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepmother iced us out of my father’s life. We are never included for holidays. All of our photos were taken down. He refused to do a will because they in a state where she will inherit everything. He spends all his time with her grown children. It’s like a Lifetime movie.

+1 This happened to me too. I haven't even seen my dad in over 10 years. His choice. He has no interest in me or my family, or my siblings. He is fully engaged as a grandfther with her family, though.

Unfortunately my mom died young so I essentially lost both parents.

I hate my dad's wife and wish nothing but ill on her. I don't care how this sounds. It seems so unfair that my beloved mother got sick and died, and then this terrible woman was able to then swoop in, push out my mom's kids, and live a life of joy with my dad. Yes, he's weak, but I hate her more for exploiting this. My mom always supported my dad and made him strong, and would have been horrified at what my dad turned into after she died, and how quickly he moved on/in with this woman, and the way he rejected his children.

Women who do this are pathetic.

It is your fathers responsibility to maintain a relationship with you, not his wife’s. You are like parents who blame their daughter in law because their son doesn’t call them enough.

You’re like a wife who is more upset at the mistress when it was in fact your husband who initiated the affair.

You don’t have to like your step mother, but you can’t blame your father’s actions (or lack of actions) on her. Your father is a grown adult.

I think any step parent has a higher obligation to support appropriate relationships with the existing children. Even if the person they are marrying is weak- spouses are supposed to support each other in being the best people they can be.

For the person dating the dad of teens- please don’t get married and rush into babies- that sucks all of the attention away from older children and they can easily feel replaced.

I am going to disagree with you on this one - as I think context is important. There are some VERY toxic exes out in the world, who have created some seriously effed up dynamics between children and their fathers. Sometimes the best way to deal with it is to drop the rope. If they come back and want a relationship later in life, that's great - but if they want to project things on to their father that aren't actually true, because that's what their mother brainwashed them to believe, I think it's the stepmom's first responsibility to support and protect her husband's best interests - and that may not include pandering to entitled adult children. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepmother iced us out of my father’s life. We are never included for holidays. All of our photos were taken down. He refused to do a will because they in a state where she will inherit everything. He spends all his time with her grown children. It’s like a Lifetime movie.

+1 This happened to me too. I haven't even seen my dad in over 10 years. His choice. He has no interest in me or my family, or my siblings. He is fully engaged as a grandfther with her family, though.

Unfortunately my mom died young so I essentially lost both parents.

I hate my dad's wife and wish nothing but ill on her. I don't care how this sounds. It seems so unfair that my beloved mother got sick and died, and then this terrible woman was able to then swoop in, push out my mom's kids, and live a life of joy with my dad. Yes, he's weak, but I hate her more for exploiting this. My mom always supported my dad and made him strong, and would have been horrified at what my dad turned into after she died, and how quickly he moved on/in with this woman, and the way he rejected his children.

Women who do this are pathetic.

It is your fathers responsibility to maintain a relationship with you, not his wife’s. You are like parents who blame their daughter in law because their son doesn’t call them enough.

You’re like a wife who is more upset at the mistress when it was in fact your husband who initiated the affair.

You don’t have to like your step mother, but you can’t blame your father’s actions (or lack of actions) on her. Your father is a grown adult.

I think any step parent has a higher obligation to support appropriate relationships with the existing children. Even if the person they are marrying is weak- spouses are supposed to support each other in being the best people they can be.

For the person dating the dad of teens- please don’t get married and rush into babies- that sucks all of the attention away from older children and they can easily feel replaced.

I am going to disagree with you on this one - as I think context is important. There are some VERY toxic exes out in the world, who have created some seriously effed up dynamics between children and their fathers. Sometimes the best way to deal with it is to drop the rope. If they come back and want a relationship later in life, that's great - but if they want to project things on to their father that aren't actually true, because that's what their mother brainwashed them to believe, I think it's the stepmom's first responsibility to support and protect her husband's best interests - and that may not include pandering to entitled adult children. .

+1 DH's ex made it clear that SHE was the ultimate parent and both her and her "new" husband the priority. The same man she cheated with, BTW. She said on more than one occasion that if the kids didn't want to visit their dad, that was OK with her - they didn't have to. Despite visitation schedule per court.

Stepkids have very little to do with DH even though they are now adults with their own families. In the beginning, I tried to be supportive of his relationship with them, gave them time alone when they did come, etc. Didn't matter, they are still essentially estranged from their father.

If/when something happens to him I know it is solely on me to care for him. Stepkids will not be here, that's for sure.

I'd be willing to bet that they WILL become quite vocal if he dies before I do. Then I will bet they will have plenty to say about his money.

[Anonymous]

DH and I get along very well with my father's wife. We've had small ups and downs over the years but we're both adults and try to make things work as well as possible. She's a good person and makes my dad happy.

My mom is now a widow but I didn't like her husband. He was fine superficially and had some good points but I always felt something radiating underneath is big personality. I was always polite to him but it he could feel that I didn't really like him.

After he died suddenly, my mom found out that he had about eight girlfriends. Or, rather one girlfriend with a number of other sleeping partners.

Trust your instincts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I get along very well with my father's wife. We've had small ups and downs over the years but we're both adults and try to make things work as well as possible. She's a good person and makes my dad happy.

My mom is now a widow but I didn't like her husband. He was fine superficially and had some good points but I always felt something radiating underneath is big personality. I was always polite to him but it he could feel that I didn't really like him.

After he died suddenly, my mom found out that he had about eight girlfriends. Or, rather one girlfriend with a number of other sleeping partners.

Trust your instincts.

This is good advice. My instincts about my stepdaughter is that she presents herself as a wonderful person, but I sense she is a self-centered, self-absorbed woman who doesn't really give a damn about her father. Should he get seriously ill my instincts say she won't give a damn then, either.