Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce

[Anonymous]

You are the type of in-law that comedy or horror movies are based upon.

If you won't admit what you are doing during your reception toast delivered in front of both families, that should tell you something.

Your bank account is probably huge but your heart sounds very small and sad.

[Anonymous]

Maybe do it in form of a balloon loan for ten years and put a lien on property.

But unless they are in apt with multiple kids why is it your job to get them a house?

[Anonymous]

Don't give your child money if this is a concern.

[Anonymous]

You a cheapass.

[Anonymous]

How about you match exactly what her parents are chipping in.

[Anonymous]

I would be really upset if my parents or inlaws were doing this. (And DH and I funded our own house and didn't receive money).

My mom was on my first mortgage because I couldn't get approved. I had enough for 20% down and the money to pay the mortgage, but banks were tight in 2009. Also, my best friend was living with me and paying rent, which made it easier for me. So my mom agreed that I could use her credit and she got on my mortgage. When I got married, we refinanced her off.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're smart to do this. Divorce rate is 50% and so it's smart of you to think about who gets your hard earned money. I'm not in this situation yet (kids too young) but I do think about this.

Not sure I have a solution except for you to become a house owner for the amt. of money you give for down payment. Of course, that means you're also liable in case something should happen.

I can't believe how people are so unrealistic to think that we shouldn't expect divorce to happen etc. Honestly, your child should understand you're protecting her/him and it's actually good that you're the one making that decision so that you can be the "bad" guy here instead of your child.

Smart thinking and I'm waiting to see if there are any good answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You a cheapass.

no he's a smart man.

[Anonymous]

I would just buy it in my name and let them live there rent free.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is smart, s/he will refuse money that comes with conditions that include excluding the spouse.

When I bought a house with my then-girlfriend, now-wife, my mom tried to convince me not to put her on the title (we couldn't legally marry because we're both women and the year was 2002). Almost 20 years later, we've forgiven but not forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Tell your son first what your evil plan is then let him decide to take the money

[Anonymous]

Most people on this board are missing the point that if the couple remains married til death do them part, then the family money / down payment is fine and dandy.

What if the son in law has an affair and they get divorced, I wouldn’t want the SOB to take half of my family’s money on top of the emotional wreck he caused my daughter.

To all of the people downplaying the OP’s concern and criticizing it, what would YOU do if the unpredictable divorce happened to YOUR child and you had been so “generous” to give them hundreds of thousands for a house, and the son in law walks away with your hundreds of thousands $$$ to spend on his new mistress. No regrets, really?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe do it in form of a balloon loan for ten years and put a lien on property.

But unless they are in apt with multiple kids why is it your job to get them a house?

The money could be put to good use now (for a house, when it’s needed) rather than waiting to give it upon death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the type of in-law that comedy or horror movies are based upon.

If you won't admit what you are doing during your reception toast delivered in front of both families, that should tell you something.

Your bank account is probably huge but your heart sounds very small and sad.

No my bank account is not huge, probably MC by DCUM standards (I will be saved up for a decent retirement). I don’t want my kid’s wallet to be “very small and sad” if the marriage falls though, which many of them do as another poster point d out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a divorce lawyer. You’re very smart to consider this. Under DC law, property acquired during the marriage by a gift to one party remains that party’s separate property so long as she can trace it out. That means you can’t say things like, “This is for both of you.” You make it clear it is a gift to just your child. Your kid then doesn’t do anything to make it a gift to the marriage (ex. by writing a note “I know you’re uncomfortable with the fact that my parents gave US the down payment but this house is OURS). Keep good records bc if you die, you’re not around to say what your intentions was with the gift.

Documenting the intention that the gift is for my child
is enough?

Thanks.