Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce

[Anonymous]

I would not accept it if it were structured with divorce in mind. Seems like you are betting on failure of the marriage.

“You can’t keep score in a healthy marriage.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question - for all of you who gave your daughter or son substantial money for a house payment and were able to protect it. What if it is your kid who behaves badly in the marriage and causes a divorce. Unexpectedly becomes alcoholic or has an affair and wants to leave for new partner. Do you still want the affected spouse to not get any of your money? What if there are kids and there is joint custody? I guess I’m trying to say these issues are complex and not black and white. We all would like to assume our kids won’t do bad things but sometimes they do

It depends. Is she working? Is she trashing my kid/her spouse to the kids? I don’t see a need to support someone bc my kid was a bad spouse but depending on the circumstance, I might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people on this board are missing the point that if the couple remains married til death do them part, then the family money / down payment is fine and dandy.

What if the son in law has an affair and they get divorced, I wouldn’t want the SOB to take half of my family’s money on top of the emotional wreck he caused my daughter.

To all of the people downplaying the OP’s concern and criticizing it, what would YOU do if the unpredictable divorce happened to YOUR child and you had been so “generous” to give them hundreds of thousands for a house, and the son in law walks away with your hundreds of thousands $$$ to spend on his new mistress. No regrets, really?!?

I’m with you OP. In similar situation. The FACT is we are looking at at 60% divorce rate in our culture.
And no SOB is going to screw over my girl and then walk with my hard, hard earned $$.
Bottom line: It all Depends on the gift amount..,under $50k I don’t care. Gift over $50k is a different ballgame.
Best to leave in trust or if they are lucky and produce kids, best to direct the $$ towards the grandchildren.

Don’t listen to idiots on this forum. Most will likely never have the problem of gifting anyone.

[Anonymous]

50k lmao ok guy

[Anonymous]

OP you give me the creeps like my divorced mom and dad. I told my dad to just keep his money. For years my mom was clearly spoiling for us to divorce.

Haven’t talked to either of them for several years. Happily married for 15 years. We built our own wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you give me the creeps like my divorced mom and dad. I told my dad to just keep his money. For years my mom was clearly spoiling for us to divorce.

Haven’t talked to either of them for several years. Happily married for 15 years. We built our own wealth.

+1, my mom is so funny and nasty about money we tell them to keep it. We don't even want gifts for the kids its that bad.

[Anonymous]

Let them earn it. Problem solved. Just don’t.

[Anonymous]

You can’t. House is split and your gift with go with your child in their share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have given or plan to give a down payment to your child(ren) who are already married, how do you protect your gift from being taken by the spouse if they get divorced in the future? The house becomes a community property from my understanding.

Do you structure the gift as an interest-free loan that is due upon divorce?
Do you make them sign a post-nup?

We are located in DC, if that makes a difference regarding laws.

You’re a spiteful cheapskate loser op

All the naysayers like this one are women mooching off their husbands and hate the idea of the possibility of one of their own ever getting anything less.

OP, Talk to a lawyer. This is legal advice and I've noticed that while this forum is infested with lawyers, they don't like to give out free advise. They do bombard the forum with questions for free advice on everything else! Go figure..

[Anonymous]

Wealthy families do this all the time. The money is firmly tied up in the child's name. It's called prenups. When there are gifts for a down, it comes with legal t's and c's in event of a divorce so that the value of the gift remains with the blood child and doesn't go to the ex.

Not sure why all of you are squabbling over this.

[Anonymous]

I read somewhere that it should be written up as an interest-only loan and the repayment would go to you at a lower rate. If they were to be divorce, on the portion that they owe you, there is no property/asset to divide since it's an interest only loan. All money has to go back to you for you to surrender your portion of the property. If you go this route, you don't have to add this loan as part of inheritance but you really have to talk to an attorney to write this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have given or plan to give a down payment to your child(ren) who are already married, how do you protect your gift from being taken by the spouse if they get divorced in the future? The house becomes a community property from my understanding.

Do you structure the gift as an interest-free loan that is due upon divorce?
Do you make them sign a post-nup?

We are located in DC, if that makes a difference regarding laws.

I won't be giving downpayments. We have trusts for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are giving them 20%, then put your name on the title

OP here. Please Walk me through how this is treated if three adults are on the title.

We did it. We own 1/3 of the house. The mortgage payers can claim the interest on taxes. They pay the mortgage. Upon death, it is theirs . Or, if they sell, my part is returned, or they can refinance and buy me out.
What your intentions are regarding a divorce, have more to do with what you decide.
Spouse can just leave
Spouse can buy everyone out
House sells, and my $$ is returned, they split the rest .

+1. Both spouses build equity and will have something in case of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Don’t make gifts to your adult children if you want to retain control of the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have given or plan to give a down payment to your child(ren) who are already married, how do you protect your gift from being taken by the spouse if they get divorced in the future? The house becomes a community property from my understanding.

Do you structure the gift as an interest-free loan that is due upon divorce?
Do you make them sign a post-nup?

We are located in DC, if that makes a difference regarding laws.

You’re a spiteful cheapskate loser op

All the naysayers like this one are women mooching off their husbands and hate the idea of the possibility of one of their own ever getting anything less.

OP, Talk to a lawyer. This is legal advice and I've noticed that while this forum is infested with lawyers, they don't like to give out free advise. They do bombard the forum with questions for free advice on everything else! Go figure..

I’m the divorce lawyer who posted several times in this thread. I did give advice. Go figure.