Teen sitter purposely misled me and made me look like the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Hope this poor teen quits. What a crazy boss.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're probably just having a hard day/week/month until this makes you look real real bad.

As you tell, and retell it, she did not mislead you. At all. The only misleading having anything to do with this incident is your post title, which suggests she misled you, which she did not, which is misleading on your part.

I have to be honest: if I were the mom in this situation, or a neighbor or friend aware of "hey my friend got in an accident today and her teen babysits" I would be pulling the plug on this job, because frankly, you sound unreasonable mean at best and straight up unstable at worst.

Stop this nonsense and apologize profusely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she said there was an accident, did you ask if everyone was okay?

No because I took it to mean her mother was stuck in traffic due to an accident not that she was actually involved in an accident

Do you think that maybe since you are an adult and she is a teenager you could have given her the benefit of the doubt? You have said nothing that would make any of us assume she is not trustworthy. In fact, it seems she bent over backwards for your stupid sitting job where you had some conference calls even after her mom was rear-ended!

You should sincerely apologize and tell her how grateful you are for her. I’d even get her a little gift or give her a little bonus. Your attitude was SO uncalled for and you probably upset her.

You’re being dramatic. Of course I appreciate her, she has been with us for 2 years and the kids love her. She is here everyday after school normally but since the covid stuff, she has been with us for most of the day (if I have meetings) instead of just 4 hrs in the evening. I certainly trust her or I wouldn’t have her caring for my kids. It’s just in this instance, I felt set up.

You “felt set up” - but, of course, you know that you weren’t. She also communicated with you in a timely way despite the stressful situation that was not under her control. She sounds incredibly responsible. At some level I hope you know that she is not responsible for your unwarranted assumptions or your behavior. Nope - this is not a “but, but both sides” situation. Multiple people have suggested ways that you might act now to apologize for your untoward behavior and to acknowledge that this kid, who is assuming health risks to babysit your kids has gone out of her way to do the right thing under trying circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well with the easily identifiable info in this post, hopefully the mom or someone who knows them alerts her to this thread. She deserves to know she's working for a miserable woman.

Yes, this. If I were the mother of the babysitter I would make her quit. I’d be worried about what else the mother would manipulate and blame my daughter for.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Did you even think to ask what happened when she said there was an accident? That's what any normal, civil person would do. Then you would've gotten the story. Since you just snapped at her I'm not surprised she didn't elaborate on what happened since you were already being rude. You owe her a big apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She texted saying that she was running late, her mom hadn’t picked her up because there “was an accident”. I was clearly annoyed with her that I would have to make other arrangements and I had several conference calls scheduled. She got to our house about 35 mins after the time we planned for her to be here and I was short with her because of the difficulties. Later on, she tells my DH that she’s sorry again for the disruption because of her mom being in an accident earlier in the day. He told me about it and I feel terrible. Her family lives on our street and i saw her mom going in the house with crutches so i know she’s telling the truth. She phrased it that there was an accident, not that her mom had been rear ended! Now I look like a jerk. What would you do or say in this situation?

I would say to her that I was very sorry if I sounded upset with her. I would tell her that I misunderstood her text and hadnt realized until my husband told me later that her mom had been in a car accident and that if I had known that I never would have been short with her. And I would ask how her mom is doing now. I’d also consider giving her a raise for having to put up with my rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is just like my dad- a textbook narcissist. Look at how she keeps taking about herself in all this. “She made me look like a jerk” blah blah. It’s not even about how she can help her babysitter deal with this hard time. Instead it’s about her imagine ... me me me

Correct. Her poor kids.

[Anonymous]

OP you were not in any way misled. Your babysitter does not deserve ANY blame for your misunderstanding. Any normal functioning human being with a shred of empathy would ask if she was okay or at the very least "what happened?" when told of an accident. You are to blame for your own tone deaf way of treating her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my teen babysitter texted me that there had been been “an accident” where her mother couldn’t pick her up, my first thought would be a car accident and to ask if she/mother were okay - not think about how it would affect me.

How did she purposely mislead you? She said there was an accident and there was an accident. She stated a fact. I cannot believe you were bitchy to her over it! I hope she never works for you again.

I feel like I was misled and set up to look bitchy because I took her to mean “there has been an accident....And as a result my mom is stuck in traffic” not that she was in the accident.

That’s not what most people would have thought in the situation, op-it’s not reasonable. Also, even if it wasn’t her mom in the accident you were out of line to snap at her. You will cringe thinking if this when your kids are teens.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

I appreciate the feedback and had discussed it with my husband. I’m going to text her about it and apologize for misunderstanding and being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you were not in any way misled. Your babysitter does not deserve ANY blame for your misunderstanding. Any normal functioning human being with a shred of empathy would ask if she was okay or at the very least "what happened?" when told of an accident. You are to blame for your own tone deaf way of treating her.

Yeah, it doesn’t even take much empathy to ask: “What happened?” Or even: “Oh no! What happened?” The more I think about this, the odder - and more unfeeling- it seems, especially since it was in response to truly responsible behavior under stress on the side of the young babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update, OP. You will be doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

OP: When you apologize, do NOT use the word, "but" in any way, shape, or form. I am sorry I was rude. That's it. I wouldn't even apologize for "misunderstanding" because that's just laying groundwork for putting this back on her. Really three words here: I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

This was not a misunderstanding. This is all on you. Make sure your apology is drafted as such. Barforama. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

You were a jerk! Teens are usually honest and she did tell you the truth. If her mom was picking her up and there was an accident what did you think happened? Sure, you thought mom was just stuck behind an accident. Teens talk like this, get used to it, your kids will be teens too!