I’m not my husband’s babysitter!
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Anonymous
I would go with this approach. |
Anonymous
| OP suggested that he DH didn't want to call his mother, not that he forgot.That makes this different than your average forgetful husband that would be devastated that he forgot to call his mom the Monday after. SIL definitely should not have contacted the wife, and the fact that she chose not to contact her brother directly speaks of their relationship also. Sounds like there are some deep family issues that go beyond a mother's day call. For what it's worth, I would've responded "Hey Susie. Happy mother's day. Sounds like this is important to you so I'd prefer you to contact Jimmy directly to share your thoughts. Thanks for understanding." I wouldn't loop him into a conversation because then I'd still have to continue to receive text messages about it while they hash it out. No thanks. |
Anonymous
| I used to be really petty about all of this, but last week I found myself thinking that I don't really care if it's his mother or my mother, and I don't really care who gets the credit -- I just wanted his 80 something mother who was quarantining alone to get some darned flowers for Mother's Day. I don't know if it's going to be her last Mother's Day or not, and I want SOMEONE to celebrate her birthday, Mother's Day, whatever. If he's not going to step up, then I will. |
Anonymous
| You are not his babysitter, but you are his partner. A quick text back "I let him know" is all you need to communicate with him and SIL. |
Anonymous
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I think it was inappropriate. She should have reached out to her brother directly not put work/effort/blame onto the wife whose holiday it is also.
I also think that allowances can be made based on context. For example, if your SO is working some sort of crazy shift schedule or something and is especially distracted and they actually like their mom and would normally have done something without any sort of manipulation using fear, obligation, or guilt. My DH doesn't have a great relationship with his mom. I do not remind him of anything. She and I fought bitterly for many years because she wanted me to be solely responsible for all of his relationships with every extended family member that exists and I said no, it isn't my job or responsibility. We had several heated disagreements because she kept trying to shame me for it and wouldn't let off. "Men aren't responsible for their own relationships-that's the wife's job-and you're a miserable failure." 99.99% of the time I now ignore her messages except to tell them we aren't interested in her visiting and spending the night uninvited-again when she begins to hint. He is an adult. His family of origin and extended fam grew up close to each other and if they don't have a relationship because they are toxic people to be around then so be it. He also doesn't enjoy his mother because she is a (diagnosed) narcissist who loves triangulating him and his siblings and unleashes a constant stream of criticism against him even though he is the most successful child-just the hardest for her to control. If he actually cared, he'd make it a priority and set a reminder in his phone and preorder the gift. It is not my job or responsibility to facilitate their relationship. However, I WILL advocate for a phone call with his remaining grandparent who we do have a good relationship with. I would absolutely ignore a message like that from his siblings or their SOs and wouldn't dream of bothering them, especially the day of. I would also bluntly tell my SIL that he can manage his own affairs. Micromanaging is demeaning. |
Anonymous
I have been happily married for 14 years and have two beautiful children. I have a great relationship with my ILs, and my husband gets along great with my family as well. My husband is a responsible, caring adult, and as such, he knows to call his mom on Mother's Day. Part of the reason my marriage is successful is that neither my husband nor my ILs would ever dream to think of me as responsible for my husband's calendar or for all family dynamics. I'm sorry you guys chose to date and marry someone who needs "prodding." I chose to marry a fully realized adult. |
Anonymous
NP. This is just so over the top. |
Anonymous
You didn't grow up with brother did you? |
Anonymous
| The only silver lining in my current terrible situation is that because my husband and his parents all have aspergers they don’t give two Fs about any holidays, gifts or traditions. In fact anyone that talks during dinner, gives gifts, plays sports, or has emotions is just so odd and weird to them. They just shake their head and go back to their screens or knitting. |
Anonymous
Reply "hey SIL how are you? If you lost DH's number it's 123-556-1234. Hope you're having a great day." |
Anonymous
| Why is SIL texting OP instead of texting her own brother? Is it because SIL expects OP to make sure the call gets made? That’s not OP’s job!! |
Anonymous
| Reminder sister: 19 year olds are still in training and not fully launched. Different from a man grown enough to get married. |
Anonymous
I have two younger brothers and not once have I ever called or texted them about mother's day or any other important date. I managed to reach adulthood and figure all this out. They can too. |
Anonymous
Not only do I have a brother, he's the youngest. When he was in college, we developed our sibling system of rotating joint gifts for birthdays and M Day/F Day. Everyone calls on their own. We do a family donation as our Christmas gift to each other. We are loving, connected, and fully realized adults. |
Anonymous
"No, but you can." |