DH doesnt get anxiety, is very level headed, very logical...it drives me nuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife would write what you wrote. She straight up tells me she doesn't think I care which isn't true. We are likely headed to divorce over this difference

So out of curiosity, this seems like a workable problem. I assume she started addressing her irrational anxiety? Does she really love you? Doesn’t sort of make sense to divorce over this. There has to be more to the story.

FIFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife would write what you wrote. She straight up tells me she doesn't think I care which isn't true. We are likely headed to divorce over this difference

So out of curiosity, this seems like a workable problem. I assume she started addressing her irrational anxiety? Does she really love you? Doesn’t sort of make sense to divorce over this. There has to be more to the story.

FIFY

Listen, you changed my questions in here. I’m asking you if you did start to show more emotions and ask if you love her. The fact that you changed the questions to suit your needs tells me that you aren’t easy to deal with and are likely to be an a-hole if you are the one who wrote the original post about your wife.

[Anonymous]

I think part of you thinks you don’t deserve someone like him. You need to try to heal that part of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I am grateful that my husband doesn't get anxious. There are times when I worry, feel anxious and dh remains calm, matter of fact, practical...if he were anxious and worried, too, I think that would be way worse. As it is, we do balance each other out. Sometimes I'm worried for good reason and we do need to take steps to make whatever it is less of a worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to add that my husband grew up in a war-torn country and experienced all that stuff, too, for years. And also has an "it's fate" mentality, like he doesn't care. He has no control so he just accepts whatever will be.

It took me over a decade to discover this attitude is really a defense mechanism because he himself has anxiety. You might find that he doesn't want to emotionally deal with the idea you might be seriously sick.....and that's why he seems so distant/businesslike/logical.......

Is it a “defense mechanism” or is it a reasonable way to deal with negative emotions?

That’s a genuine question, btw, not a sarcastic one.

I used to suffer from anxiety in my 20s and I sort of learned to manage it by 1. Acknowledging the negative feelings I’m having, 2. Asking myself if there are any real actions I need to take, 3. Moving on with my day if there are not. Oddly enough I realized that these are “steps” that you can teach someone when I attended a parenting class! Over time, I just worried less and less, until I basically became very mellow.

I agree with PP. I signed up for daily reminders from a Stoic Philosophy website--stoic philosophy is very similar to CBT principles in many ways. I have anxiety and can't say I do a great job adopting the attitude, but I think it is a worthwhile thing to aim for. That does NOT mean OP's DH is just hiding anxiety, he may have been able to conquer it.

People who have had near death experiences are sometimes reported to have a very different perspective on the crisis of life as a result (I'm sure not all do, likely some fall apart and others are not changed in any discernible way)