Tell me I’m not the only one who’s husband is this infuriating

[Anonymous]

PP here, make sure you put the note ON the bag in a super conspicuous place he would have to see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow!
Trash + recycling are his ONLY duties, yet he cannot get his act together for just this.....??!

Clearly he is still a man-child.
While I can see the point of just leaving the trash alone, if you do that it really would not be much of an incentive for him to change since week old trash does not faze the majority of men.

Ever been to a bachelor pad??!
Eww....
Plus leftover garbage may have your neighbors complaining about the rancid smell.

I would just go on strike.
Do not cook him hot meals.
Cease washing his clothes.
If he runs out of deodorant, razors or whatever - do not include his things on your shopping list.

He should get the point after a week or two.
If he doesn’t.....then he is just “beyond.”

Women do that stuff? I guess I had a bad wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband only remembers to take out the trash and recycling maybe 60% of the time and when he forgets he likes to say it’s because I forgot to remind him (I think he’s partly joking but partly not). Meanwhile, other than taking care of himself he literally doesn’t have to remember anything else. I’m the one who has to remember who needs school lunches on what day, who’s library book/homework/anything is due on what day, who needs money for the book fair etc. We both work full time so it’s not like I’m the stay at home parent but it is what it is. Meanwhile, tonight my husband was walking by and I reminded him recycling goes out tonight and he replied “I know!” in a very annoyed tone. I basically told him he doesn’t get to be annoyed with my reminding him if he’s also going to blame me when he doesn’t remember and his response is that he can be annoyed when I remind him when he’s in the middle of doing something else. I know this is a little thing but I’m seriously annoyed by this. He can’t have it both ways.

He has mental disorders. Doesn’t matter which one, only a couple are treatable outside of behavioral therapy, which he should have been in as a child or young adult. Shame on his parents.

By year 5 or 10 of this you will be angry at his incompetencies and he will be angry but blame you for his incompetencies.

[Anonymous]

Do NOT have more than one child with someone defective like this. You are in your own here, for everything. You decide whether to keep his deadweight around and when to dump it.

Actually do not have any children with him. He will do the same to them once they are adults. Demand that they take care of his loser @$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he remembers 60% of the time and you take it out 40%, then it is a fairly even split, right?

Ummm, no. The fairly even split would be him also doing 40% of the daily tasks for the kids. Right now he does 0% of that.

+1
He's not participating mentally. The household stuff is one thing because it's obvious. You drop the ball on the kids, then they suffer. No book fair, no spelling practice, no homework, no permission slips... The dad needs to participate mentally.

Doing 60% of 10 things he is explicitly out in charge of and 0% of the other 90 things he is unaware of is not a good split

[Anonymous]

Yes my DH forgets trash day and hates to be reminded because he hates it. I put the trash out sometimes because it's easier. Ask your DH to set a reminder on his phone about the trash so you don't have to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive ADD?

I can remind my ex a dozen times about something - in several different formats (email, text, in person, phone) and he will still forget it. Consequently, for anything important (camp signups, school registration, doctor's appts, etc.) I take responsibility. At one point he was calling me every night to ask what the school lunch was, until he finally figured out that he could download the app himself and look it up. He'll still text me to ask me when/where basketball practice is, when he's been the one taking her to practice for the last two months.

These are his limitations. I accept them. It's annoying, but it's our reality. It's not worth fighting about. I save my battles for the other stuff.

Get a diagnosis. Adhd is treatable. There are a few things worse than adhd which present the same and more, which are not. I would want to know, he should want to know. Many things are hereditary as well.

[Anonymous]

When my son was age 10+ it was his job to take the kitchen trash out whenever it was full. When he would sometimes chronically "forget" and we would become frustrated (including H who would never have forgotten had it been his job) we came up with the solution of taking the tied up bag of garbage and putting it in his bed. We only had to do that once or twice and he started remembering a lot better. This might work with your H, who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my husband. At some point, it's beyond forgetfulness. Sometimes some people are just plain old self-absorbed. After 20 years I understand what I've gotten myself into. I'm with someone who does what he wants to do and doesn't want to be inconvenienced. If it doesn't directly involve him or someone he has an interest in, shrug. The devil's in the details. You need to listen to what someone says sometimes as well as what they do or don't do. If we go on a date night it's never, "Where would you like to go to dinner?" It's, "I want to watch this game at X pub." And basically, I agree to it or not. It's been years of this. It doesn't improve. The problems just change. And if I'm unhappy he absolves himself of any responsibility.

Oh my goodness, I could have written this word for word. What do you think you’ll do eventually?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced one of these. Mine was a narcissist. A "crazy-maker" who would do this crap and when I finally had it, he would stop at nothing to make me look nuts.

If they do it all the time, about every little thing, then yes, end it. But if OP is saying this is THE one thing that gets on her last nerve, and he is otherwise OK to good and does not require constant reminding -- then no, your solution does not need to be OP's solution too.

To OP: One: At a time when you have not just asked him again to do the one chore, a time when he is not peeved at you and you are not resenting him (and I agree, you're right to be pi$$ed), talk to him and point out that the issue is not merely the fact the trash can is full; the bigger issue is the way he turns this back on you Every. Single. Time. and says it's your own fault the trash doesn't go out.

Then do one of two things:

Find some other chore that becomes "his" that he might do with less of this childishness, and you take over the trash; or

Both of you decide: How often should the trash go out? I know, "when it's full," but clearly that's not working for you both. Decide on the opitimal times (twice each week, one of those being the night before garbage pickup, maybe?) then he sets a reminder on his phone. An alarm that goes off at a time he chooses, and a second reminder alarm a few minutes later. Tell him that putting the trash chore in the "hands" of something objective like an alarm takes it out of your hands and his too. It's just less personal. The clock dictates it, not either of you. He likely will fuss and fume the first few times and insist he's in the middle of something else but it's worth a try. I'd remind him that he can have a pi$$ed wife or he can let a clock take the blame. This worked for us with a different type of chore and made it all less personal.

If your DH does this stuff all the time and you're only using this as one example, well, you need some larger system for chores plus some work on communications .

[Anonymous]

Okay, you’re not the only one whose husband is this frustrating.

Ask and you shall receive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whose. Not who’s. You sound dim.

Who even cares? Autocorrect makes most of those mistakes.

[Anonymous]

I think they’re all like this. As much as it sucks I’m not going to divorce him over not remembering the trash or the other mental load I carry. For the trash, have him put a reminder on his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you do literally anything for him? Laundry, cooking, etc?

If so, stop. Let him know he has to do his share in the home the hard way, even if it makes you look “crazy.” If the garbage piled up because he didn’t take it out I would place it in HIS space- closet, his office, whatever. He won’t forget after that.

I wouldn’t even share a room with a person who behaved like this. He would be on the couch or in the guest room permanently until he shaped up his act, if only because I wash my sheets regularly and I’m not doing SQUAT for someone like that including giving them a clean place to sleep.

Divide the labor today and do whatever it takes to show you mean business.

You can sleep in your own bed in the guest room, but you have no right to kick someone out of their own bed in their own room.

[Anonymous]

You need the Fair Play cards and book OP. I’m serious.