Tell me I’m not the only one who’s husband is this infuriating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sorta sound like you nag. Do you? And micromanage. Both traits are super irritating especially after a long day at work.

Cant you find a better approach - a sticky note on the mirror to remind him of recycling?

Or just do it yourself if it by, say, it's 10pm and it hasn't gone out yet. "Hon, I took out the recycling since you forgot and were already upstairs getting ready for bed. Any chance you can unload the dishwasher after bus stop duty and before leaving for work?"

OH HELL NO.

At work, if your boss asks you to send him a report every Thursday at COB, do you just NOT DO IT unless he reminds you every freaking Thursday?! No, you act like a grown up with a big boy JOB and you set a reminder or write it down or WHATEVER. Do the same thing at home! It is not his wife's job to remind him about menial chores. It's HIS job to remember this is his chore and to do it every single week without any discussion at all. And if he can't do that job, he needs to trouble shoot his own life to figure out why he sucks, and also to pay for the divorce. Just like he's lose his job if he kept asking for a "sticky note on his computer" about menial tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband only remembers to take out the trash and recycling maybe 60% of the time and when he forgets he likes to say it’s because I forgot to remind him (I think he’s partly joking but partly not). Meanwhile, other than taking care of himself he literally doesn’t have to remember anything else. I’m the one who has to remember who needs school lunches on what day, who’s library book/homework/anything is due on what day, who needs money for the book fair etc. We both work full time so it’s not like I’m the stay at home parent but it is what it is. Meanwhile, tonight my husband was walking by and I reminded him recycling goes out tonight and he replied “I know!” in a very annoyed tone. I basically told him he doesn’t get to be annoyed with my reminding him if he’s also going to blame me when he doesn’t remember and his response is that he can be annoyed when I remind him when he’s in the middle of doing something else. I know this is a little thing but I’m seriously annoyed by this. He can’t have it both ways.

I am a single dad, who sends kids off to school every day with a packed lunch or money in their cafeteria account, makes sure RSVPs are done for birthday parties, Scout events are catered, thank you notes are written, etc. Your complaints are trifling, and I would have happily done 100 percent of those lightweight paperwork tasks along with the thousand other household tasks I did while I was married to a fat, lazy runt if she had just been willing to mow the lawn and rake the leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive ADD?

I can remind my ex a dozen times about something - in several different formats (email, text, in person, phone) and he will still forget it. Consequently, for anything important (camp signups, school registration, doctor's appts, etc.) I take responsibility. At one point he was calling me every night to ask what the school lunch was, until he finally figured out that he could download the app himself and look it up. He'll still text me to ask me when/where basketball practice is, when he's been the one taking her to practice for the last two months.

These are his limitations. I accept them. It's annoying, but it's our reality. It's not worth fighting about. I save my battles for the other stuff.

. This is me all over. Any task that gets interrupted for more than thirty seconds, I’m probably going to forget. I need constant and frequent reminders. The difference is that, when I receive those reminders, I’m incredibly grateful and let my spouse know it.

[Anonymous]

DH forgets sometimes. The trash sits til the next week. I do not fix his messes anymore.

There was a thread awhile ago about how DH's only do what's important to them, and I decided to only do what's important to me and drop everything else. To do this, I have to accept that things won't look 100% like I want them to. And I learned to be OK with that.

Some of the things I stopped doing:
1) anything related to the yard. He likes flowers in the pots and flower box - I told him he knows where Merrifield is. He now arranges for leaf removal, or gets our teen son to help him do it because I don't even mention the pile-up.
2) sports "extras" - like arranging a private lesson or a specialty camp. I will do registration and get them to/from practice (or hire a teen to do the driving) but anything over & above is between the kids and DH.
3) Gifts - actually did this years ago. He's in charge of all gifts for his side of the family & his office gift exchange.
4) Home decor - I decided that I'm happy with most everything in the house and if he wants to change anything, he can find his way to Target or Home Depot.
5) If he doesn't get his T&E reports done, I mentally classify that as his money that was lost. Helps keep me sane.

[Anonymous]

This is my husband. At some point, it's beyond forgetfulness. Sometimes some people are just plain old self-absorbed. After 20 years I understand what I've gotten myself into. I'm with someone who does what he wants to do and doesn't want to be inconvenienced. If it doesn't directly involve him or someone he has an interest in, shrug. The devil's in the details. You need to listen to what someone says sometimes as well as what they do or don't do. If we go on a date night it's never, "Where would you like to go to dinner?" It's, "I want to watch this game at X pub." And basically, I agree to it or not. It's been years of this. It doesn't improve. The problems just change. And if I'm unhappy he absolves himself of any responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused about why you can't tale out the recycling/trash yourself?

My man works from home and most of the time remembers to take it out but a few times I have heard him complaining about how annoying it is. Or on the days that he has to go into the office or has a work even and wont be home until the evening I go and put the trash/recycling out myself.

It's really not that big of a deal for you to help him do it.

[Anonymous]

*take

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sorta sound like you nag. Do you? And micromanage. Both traits are super irritating especially after a long day at work.

Cant you find a better approach - a sticky note on the mirror to remind him of recycling?

Or just do it yourself if it by, say, it's 10pm and it hasn't gone out yet. "Hon, I took out the recycling since you forgot and were already upstairs getting ready for bed. Any chance you can unload the dishwasher after bus stop duty and before leaving for work?"

WHAT? You are blaming this woman for his not doing his one stupid household chore. Asking why she does not add his one chore to her long list???? Or do a better job of reminding him? Are you her husband's twin?

[Anonymous]

This sh*t is why I am divorced and whenever I have second thoughts all I need to do is set foot in my ex’s hovel. This is my one and only life and I do not intend to spend it living like a pig, working like a slave or cracking a whip over someone who just doesn’t give a sh*t.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the poster who suggested ADHD. My husband has it, as does our son, only DHs is diagnosed by me, DS by a doctor. DH loses keys, cannot remember appointments, and leaves things in hotel rooms (not just phone charges, pants, shoes, etc.) all the time when he travels for work. How he manages everything at work is beyond me, because he cannot manage things at home. Fortunately he has many other qualities, good qualities. He is thoughtful, romantic, an excellent father, etc. None of us is perfect - you have to take the good with the bad.

[Anonymous]

Wow!
Trash + recycling are his ONLY duties, yet he cannot get his act together for just this.....??!

Clearly he is still a man-child.
While I can see the point of just leaving the trash alone, if you do that it really would not be much of an incentive for him to change since week old trash does not faze the majority of men.

Ever been to a bachelor pad??!
Eww....
Plus leftover garbage may have your neighbors complaining about the rancid smell.

I would just go on strike.
Do not cook him hot meals.
Cease washing his clothes.
If he runs out of deodorant, razors or whatever - do not include his things on your shopping list.

He should get the point after a week or two.
If he doesn’t.....then he is just “beyond.”

[Anonymous]

You sound naggy and annoying. If I were the husband I'd 'forget' just to annoy you on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Whose

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband only remembers to take out the trash and recycling maybe 60% of the time and when he forgets he likes to say it’s because I forgot to remind him (I think he’s partly joking but partly not). Meanwhile, other than taking care of himself he literally doesn’t have to remember anything else. I’m the one who has to remember who needs school lunches on what day, who’s library book/homework/anything is due on what day, who needs money for the book fair etc. We both work full time so it’s not like I’m the stay at home parent but it is what it is. Meanwhile, tonight my husband was walking by and I reminded him recycling goes out tonight and he replied “I know!” in a very annoyed tone. I basically told him he doesn’t get to be annoyed with my reminding him if he’s also going to blame me when he doesn’t remember and his response is that he can be annoyed when I remind him when he’s in the middle of doing something else. I know this is a little thing but I’m seriously annoyed by this. He can’t have it both ways.

I don't blame you. My dh is similar, but in the end, this is simply some adulting he HAS to do.

Here's what I'd do. Dh doesn't take out the trash/recycles? Put it in his car. Or next to his side of the bed. When he complains (and he will) tell him to put trash/recycling in his phone as a reminder.

I posted a sheet with the trash pickup schedule at our door to the garage and this helped DH. I won't remind him, I'll just set it in his project car in the garage!

[Anonymous]

A hack:

Put the bag right in front of the door it needs to go out of with a printed note in big letters on an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper that says “Darlo, Thank you for taking me outside today. You help our house stay clean and awesome Abd I love you for it!”. And Leave it there. Do not move it, and DO NOT nag about it. If it’s still there the next day, put the NEXT bag right next to it with a another note.

He may try to push your buttons about the note, and still not do it... don’t budge. Just smile at whatever snarky thing he might say. And keep putting the bags there.

It took a week to train my kids to do this. They pushed back for a few days but now, clockwork.