I don’t make my kids do chores. There, I said it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

Some people would consider cooking the food you eat as part of taking care of yourself. For many people who have house cleaners, cleaning the bathrooms is a “household” chore and not a personal chore. Those people probably roll their eyes at you and think their kids don’t need 18 years of experience to figure out how to clean a bathroom. Also, according to you, laundry is NOT a household chore? Many families commingle laundry so they can run loads of just jeans, just whites, delicates, etc.

You’re basically saying the chores you have your kids do to keep your household running are just cleaning up after themselves and “not real chores.” The chores that other families have their kids do to contribute to the household are chore “CHORES” and you would NEVER subject your children to that.

You sound REALLY snobby and clueless. You really can’t understand that other households are different than yours and people contribute to chores in different ways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been seeing so many self-righteous, preachy posts about how important it is to make kids do chores. One lady pulled her step-daughter away from her cousins during the family Christmas party to make her hand wash dishes even though there was a dishwasher available. Then she posted a picture of the child with a message about how important it is to make kids do their fair share of the work. My SIL kept doing the same thing on our family trip - very dramatically pulling her kids away from fun and laughter to help in the kitchen. Then she kept telling us about all the chores they have to do after school every day. SIL does not work.

My kids are teenagers and my rule has always been that we all clean up after ourselves. So my kids clean their rooms, bathrooms, pick up their stuff around the house. They all started doing their own laundry around age 10. They help out with other stuff such as vacuuming and dusting when I actually need their help. But I don’t make them do weekly chores just because. Vacuuming, mopping, and dusting are not difficult. They don’t need 18 years of practice before living on their own. They have the rest of their lives to do that stuff so why make them do it throughout childhood too? My oldest is a freshman in college. She has never been interested in learning to cook. Her siblings enjoy it so they have more experience than she does. She will move into an apartment next year so I will teach her how to cook this summer. If she won’t take the time to learn then she will struggle next year. We call that natural consequences, which has always been more effective with my kids than random chores such as hand-washing dishes unnecessarily. My kids have all turned out to be extremely independent and self-sufficient. I believe that this is partially due to our rule of taking care of themselves.

Anyway, to each their own, but I just wanted to share my perspective since I have seen and heard so much from the chore-loving parents lately!

So you DO make your kids do chores. You just don’t like others making their kids do chores that you don’t make your kids do and showing you up.

Again...there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and doing household chores.

Youve made your decision for your kids. Why does everyone have to make the same decision you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your future DIL will be so pleased.

Well, my 13 year old son already knows how to do his own laundry, keep his room and bathroom clean, and pick up after himself. He doesn’t leave his stuff lying around waiting for someone else to pick it up. He knows how to do household chores and the basics of cooking even though he isn’t forced to weekly. So yeah, I actually think she will be pleased.

I think it's great that your kids can take of his own stuff. I also think it's important that he know what goes into the whole running of the household and appreciate it. Not necessarily forced or weekly but in general. And if he's the kind of kid that will help out when you ask them you're fine. I helped my mom vacuum and clean bathrooms but it wasn't a scheduled force thing. I just did it when she asked or decided we all needed to do household things for an hour (not all the time and no schedule or reward). But I also set the table and helped wash dishes as part of dinner since she cooked and dad did the big clean up. We are doing the same with our kids. Some kids won't contribute unless it's scheduled and rewarded.

Op here

Exactly! My son (and my 2 girls) understand what goes into running a household. I get pretty crazy with cleaning before vacations and entertaining. They know that these situations call for all hands on deck and they help out more. Plus, my son is a boy scout so he learns lots of skills that way.

[Anonymous]

My kids get up in the morning and go to school. They are only responsible for doing very well in school and EC activities. I will facilitate stuff for them (buying supplies, gear, bringing food, travelling, registering) but I do not manage the day to day academics. They come back quite late. Weekends are spent in studies, more activities, family events or hanging out with friends, if they are not travelling. I make their beds, do their laundry, cook food, clean/straighten the house - every single day. We also have a full social calendar and usually weekends are devoted to that.

We are ok with our kids not doing chores because when will they do the chores? They are out of the house at 6:30 am and back home at 5:30pm and then have several hours of homework and activities. So should I not make their beds or clean up or have their meals ready? Sorry, but this is not helping the kids to succeed, is it?

We believe in being supportive and loving parents to our fantastic kids. I have no need to be a gaslighter. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids get up in the morning and go to school. They are only responsible for doing very well in school and EC activities. I will facilitate stuff for them (buying supplies, gear, bringing food, travelling, registering) but I do not manage the day to day academics. They come back quite late. Weekends are spent in studies, more activities, family events or hanging out with friends, if they are not travelling. I make their beds, do their laundry, cook food, clean/straighten the house - every single day. We also have a full social calendar and usually weekends are devoted to that.

We are ok with our kids not doing chores because when will they do the chores? They are out of the house at 6:30 am and back home at 5:30pm and then have several hours of homework and activities. So should I not make their beds or clean up or have their meals ready? Sorry, but this is not helping the kids to succeed, is it?

We believe in being supportive and loving parents to our fantastic kids. I have no need to be a gaslighter. YMMV.

Are you a SAHM? I can’t imagine doing all of that on my own, plus managing my career. I am also a supporting and loving parent to my fabulous kids.

[Anonymous]

Got it OP. You are a better mom than I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

Some people would consider cooking the food you eat as part of taking care of yourself. For many people who have house cleaners, cleaning the bathrooms is a “household” chore and not a personal chore. Those people probably roll their eyes at you and think their kids don’t need 18 years of experience to figure out how to clean a bathroom. Also, according to you, laundry is NOT a household chore? Many families commingle laundry so they can run loads of just jeans, just whites, delicates, etc.

You’re basically saying the chores you have your kids do to keep your household running are just cleaning up after themselves and “not real chores.” The chores that other families have their kids do to contribute to the household are chore “CHORES” and you would NEVER subject your children to that.

You sound REALLY snobby and clueless. You really can’t understand that other households are different than yours and people contribute to chores in different ways?

Like I said in my original post - to each their own. I was just sharing my perspective because I have seen so many parents lately preaching about the importance of household chores for kids. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

To each his own. For me it’s not really about proficiency — it’s not rocket science to learn how to vacuum or cook a few simple but nutritious meals. However, it is extremely important to DH and I that we instill in our children that we are all members of the household and family and each family member needs to contribute...not just cleaning up your own messes, but doing the “collective” chores that keep the household running smoothly.

All our housework is outsourced. I teach my kids to be contributing members of the house in other ways.

My sister has found the thread.

Nope. We just have no chores to give our kids. I never had chores either but I know what it takes to run a home. For me appreciating that we are paying a lot for school and thus working hard at school, being thoughtful towards each other and others, putting others before themselves by making some selfless decisions , sharing, being there for each other and friends when support is needed, being respectful to us and each other the list goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

Some people would consider cooking the food you eat as part of taking care of yourself. For many people who have house cleaners, cleaning the bathrooms is a “household” chore and not a personal chore. Those people probably roll their eyes at you and think their kids don’t need 18 years of experience to figure out how to clean a bathroom. Also, according to you, laundry is NOT a household chore? Many families commingle laundry so they can run loads of just jeans, just whites, delicates, etc.

You’re basically saying the chores you have your kids do to keep your household running are just cleaning up after themselves and “not real chores.” The chores that other families have their kids do to contribute to the household are chore “CHORES” and you would NEVER subject your children to that.

You sound REALLY snobby and clueless. You really can’t understand that other households are different than yours and people contribute to chores in different ways?

Like I said in my original post - to each their own. I was just sharing my perspective because I have seen so many parents lately preaching about the importance of household chores for kids. You do you.

But you ARE preaching the importance of household chores! You just think you’re above it, which is bizarre.

Now, the poster above who makes her kids beds and does everything for them? THAT mom doesn’t believe in kids doing chores. I bet she’ll even find a laundry and cleaning service for her kids when they go to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

Some people would consider cooking the food you eat as part of taking care of yourself. For many people who have house cleaners, cleaning the bathrooms is a “household” chore and not a personal chore. Those people probably roll their eyes at you and think their kids don’t need 18 years of experience to figure out how to clean a bathroom. Also, according to you, laundry is NOT a household chore? Many families commingle laundry so they can run loads of just jeans, just whites, delicates, etc.

You’re basically saying the chores you have your kids do to keep your household running are just cleaning up after themselves and “not real chores.” The chores that other families have their kids do to contribute to the household are chore “CHORES” and you would NEVER subject your children to that.

You sound REALLY snobby and clueless. You really can’t understand that other households are different than yours and people contribute to chores in different ways?

Like I said in my original post - to each their own. I was just sharing my perspective because I have seen so many parents lately preaching about the importance of household chores for kids. You do you.

But you ARE preaching the importance of household chores! You just think you’re above it, which is bizarre.

Now, the poster above who makes her kids beds and does everything for them? THAT mom doesn’t believe in kids doing chores. I bet she’ll even find a laundry and cleaning service for her kids when they go to college.

One more time for those in the back! There’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and doing household chores!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

Some people would consider cooking the food you eat as part of taking care of yourself. For many people who have house cleaners, cleaning the bathrooms is a “household” chore and not a personal chore. Those people probably roll their eyes at you and think their kids don’t need 18 years of experience to figure out how to clean a bathroom. Also, according to you, laundry is NOT a household chore? Many families commingle laundry so they can run loads of just jeans, just whites, delicates, etc.

You’re basically saying the chores you have your kids do to keep your household running are just cleaning up after themselves and “not real chores.” The chores that other families have their kids do to contribute to the household are chore “CHORES” and you would NEVER subject your children to that.

You sound REALLY snobby and clueless. You really can’t understand that other households are different than yours and people contribute to chores in different ways?

Like I said in my original post - to each their own. I was just sharing my perspective because I have seen so many parents lately preaching about the importance of household chores for kids. You do you.

But you ARE preaching the importance of household chores! You just think you’re above it, which is bizarre.

Now, the poster above who makes her kids beds and does everything for them? THAT mom doesn’t believe in kids doing chores. I bet she’ll even find a laundry and cleaning service for her kids when they go to college.

One more time for those in the back! There’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and doing household chores!

According to you. That works for your family. Others make different decisions. My kids don’t do chores period. Don’t even make their beds. I don’t care what others do.

[Anonymous]

lol I love how OP is doubling down that cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry are NOT chores! It’s only a chore if another family makes their kid do it and OP disapproves.

Hey, at least you’re consistent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids get up in the morning and go to school. They are only responsible for doing very well in school and EC activities. I will facilitate stuff for them (buying supplies, gear, bringing food, travelling, registering) but I do not manage the day to day academics. They come back quite late. Weekends are spent in studies, more activities, family events or hanging out with friends, if they are not travelling. I make their beds, do their laundry, cook food, clean/straighten the house - every single day. We also have a full social calendar and usually weekends are devoted to that.

We are ok with our kids not doing chores because when will they do the chores? They are out of the house at 6:30 am and back home at 5:30pm and then have several hours of homework and activities. So should I not make their beds or clean up or have their meals ready? Sorry, but this is not helping the kids to succeed, is it?

We believe in being supportive and loving parents to our fantastic kids. I have no need to be a gaslighter. YMMV.

Are you a SAHM? I can’t imagine doing all of that on my own, plus managing my career. I am also a supporting and loving parent to my fabulous kids.

I am a WOHM, with a strict 9 to 5 schedule (without a lunch break - I eat at desk), and thankfully with a 5 minute commute. I finish the entire days cooking in the morning before I go to work That way DH or I have the time to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen. Laundry and cleaning is done in the evening, everyday. If I don't do laundry everyday then it is a complete and utter mess. Even one load can make a huge difference to manageability at our house. I also have a weekly maid who comes on the weekend for 3 hours, so that helps a lot with deep cleaning and entertaining. Finally, my kids are considerate human beings. They will at least do the bare minimum and follow house rules - - putting their dirty laundry in the right hampers so I do not have to sort, no clothes on the floor, emptying their lunch box, thermos & water bottles, putting their shoes and coats away etc.

We are also a no-indoor-shoes, no pets, no smoking, no junk-food-snacking family - so all of that minimizes mess. My kids actually will do some occasional chores - replenishing tissue paper boxes in all rooms and bedrooms, restocking hand soap and toilet paper rolls etc. It is not chores assigned to them however.

[Anonymous]

You are not seeing the effects until they leave the house and live on their own or with another person. So you can’t say it’s working until they actually become independent.

[Anonymous]

I never did chores at home, except assisted my mom and dad, when required. I guess I am raising the kids the same way.

I think, if you have a well run household, the kids will pick up what needs to be done, especially if they occasionally assist. I agree that you should teach them everything, but that does not translate to them doing chores.

If you do not have a well run home, or if you are not cooking consistently or cleaning, doing laundry consistently, what skills are your kids picking up anyways?

Monkey see, monkey do.