I don’t make my kids do chores. There, I said it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your future DIL will be so pleased.

Gross! You assume she will have a DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

To each his own. For me it’s not really about proficiency — it’s not rocket science to learn how to vacuum or cook a few simple but nutritious meals. However, it is extremely important to DH and I that we instill in our children that we are all members of the household and family and each family member needs to contribute...not just cleaning up your own messes, but doing the “collective” chores that keep the household running smoothly.

This. The “oh, they can just learn whatever they need as adults” are totally missing the point of chores for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece really doesn’t do any chores. She drops her clothes wherever she takes them off at. She doesn’t even bother to wipe toothpaste out of the sink, and she wouldn’t dream of taking out trash.

They have a full time house cleaner.

My niece is absolutely a spoiled brat, and only surface nice to those she deems below her. It’s gross. Her parents are very caring, but leaving their kids to not assist with anything did them no favors.

Your niece’s behavior has nothing to do with chores.

[Anonymous]

To each their own, but I hate the “mom/dad will do it” mentality. We all dirty our leaving spaces, we all clean.

I’m not the toilet scrubber, dish washer or cook.

[Anonymous]

My kids have not done any chores but they do know how to do them.
- They know how to load the dishwasher and unload it. They also know where to put all the clean dishes, pots and pans.
- They know how to sort clothes, what cleaning products to use (oxyclean, tide, fabric softner), what temperature to dry clothes in and how to fold and put it away.
- How to make beds.
- How to make simple dishes and how to follow a recipe.
- How to cut salad, veggies, fruits
- How to sort and recycle
- How to do grocery and put it all away. How to clean pantry, kitchen, fridge etc.
- How to throw a party, how to design the flow of a party, how to plan a menu, music, guest list. How to be good hosts, how to be good guests.


They are busy with their studies and have a long day, so they do not have to do any chores at all. . Will they lend a hand and listen to me when I ask for help? Absolutely. Will they be able to live independently when they leave the nest? Oh sure.

They have been raised in a family where we do a lot of entertaining and cooking. They will thrive and survive because they are not idiots and they are used to a good life - good food, well run home, clean clothes and a thriving social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece really doesn’t do any chores. She drops her clothes wherever she takes them off at. She doesn’t even bother to wipe toothpaste out of the sink, and she wouldn’t dream of taking out trash.

They have a full time house cleaner.

My niece is absolutely a spoiled brat, and only surface nice to those she deems below her. It’s gross. Her parents are very caring, but leaving their kids to not assist with anything did them no favors.

Your niece’s behavior has nothing to do with chores.

Her mom (my sister) is exactly like OP, but worse. She harps on how her kids do not need to do chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your future DIL will be so pleased.

Well, my 13 year old son already knows how to do his own laundry, keep his room and bathroom clean, and pick up after himself. He doesn’t leave his stuff lying around waiting for someone else to pick it up. He knows how to do household chores and the basics of cooking even though he isn’t forced to weekly. So yeah, I actually think she will be pleased.

I think it's great that your kids can take of his own stuff. I also think it's important that he know what goes into the whole running of the household and appreciate it. Not necessarily forced or weekly but in general. And if he's the kind of kid that will help out when you ask them you're fine. I helped my mom vacuum and clean bathrooms but it wasn't a scheduled force thing. I just did it when she asked or decided we all needed to do household things for an hour (not all the time and no schedule or reward). But I also set the table and helped wash dishes as part of dinner since she cooked and dad did the big clean up. We are doing the same with our kids. Some kids won't contribute unless it's scheduled and rewarded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To each their own, but I hate the “mom/dad will do it” mentality. We all dirty our leaving spaces, we all clean.

I’m not the toilet scrubber, dish washer or cook.

Living spaces

[Anonymous]

My kid’s job is to do well in school and clean up messes he makes. (Straightening up vs. deep cleaning). Adults do all cooking and cleaning and laundry. If he wants to earn money, I’ll pay him to vacuum or wash windows, but I don’t expect him to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

To each his own. For me it’s not really about proficiency — it’s not rocket science to learn how to vacuum or cook a few simple but nutritious meals. However, it is extremely important to DH and I that we instill in our children that we are all members of the household and family and each family member needs to contribute...not just cleaning up your own messes, but doing the “collective” chores that keep the household running smoothly.

All our housework is outsourced. I teach my kids to be contributing members of the house in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

To each his own. For me it’s not really about proficiency — it’s not rocket science to learn how to vacuum or cook a few simple but nutritious meals. However, it is extremely important to DH and I that we instill in our children that we are all members of the household and family and each family member needs to contribute...not just cleaning up your own messes, but doing the “collective” chores that keep the household running smoothly.

This. The “oh, they can just learn whatever they need as adults” are totally missing the point of chores for kids.

DP here. Please explain. I am an immigrant and I have watched my non-immigrant neighbors be incapable of - providing their families with 3 hot meals, having well run homes, helping other neighbors in need, being unable to host or socialize. I am wondering if these people grew up doing chores? Why such a failure to be adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

To each his own. For me it’s not really about proficiency — it’s not rocket science to learn how to vacuum or cook a few simple but nutritious meals. However, it is extremely important to DH and I that we instill in our children that we are all members of the household and family and each family member needs to contribute...not just cleaning up your own messes, but doing the “collective” chores that keep the household running smoothly.

All our housework is outsourced. I teach my kids to be contributing members of the house in other ways.

My sister has found the thread.

[Anonymous]

I never cook or clean - all outsourced-yet my 9 year old loves cooking, baking, and cleaning even though she doesn’t have to as we have a cook and cleaners. She always tidying this and cleaning that in her room, baking cakes and cookies. She wants to make us meals, look after the dogs,, everything.

Ah well, I tried to make her a useless member of society but I clearly failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lady you wrote a novel about all the chores you make your kids do...

You say you don’t make your kids do chores except for the super long list of chores that don’t count as chores because they matter to you and not your SIL.... Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.

Op here. The point is that there’s a difference between cleaning up after yourself and household chores. They keep their own space and belongings clean. They are not responsible for household chores such as vacuuming, mopping, dishes, washing windows, dusting, mowing, cooking. Do you really not see the difference? They will be proficient in all these things by the time they leave home but they won’t have 18 years of experience.

To each his own. For me it’s not really about proficiency — it’s not rocket science to learn how to vacuum or cook a few simple but nutritious meals. However, it is extremely important to DH and I that we instill in our children that we are all members of the household and family and each family member needs to contribute...not just cleaning up your own messes, but doing the “collective” chores that keep the household running smoothly.

All our housework is outsourced. I teach my kids to be contributing members of the house in other ways.

Lol, such as?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have not done any chores but they do know how to do them.
- They know how to load the dishwasher and unload it. They also know where to put all the clean dishes, pots and pans.
- They know how to sort clothes, what cleaning products to use (oxyclean, tide, fabric softner), what temperature to dry clothes in and how to fold and put it away.
- How to make beds.
- How to make simple dishes and how to follow a recipe.
- How to cut salad, veggies, fruits
- How to sort and recycle
- How to do grocery and put it all away. How to clean pantry, kitchen, fridge etc.
- How to throw a party, how to design the flow of a party, how to plan a menu, music, guest list. How to be good hosts, how to be good guests.


They are busy with their studies and have a long day, so they do not have to do any chores at all. . Will they lend a hand and listen to me when I ask for help? Absolutely. Will they be able to live independently when they leave the nest? Oh sure.

They have been raised in a family where we do a lot of entertaining and cooking. They will thrive and survive because they are not idiots and they are used to a good life - good food, well run home, clean clothes and a thriving social life.

Op here

Well said! You did a much better job of making my point than I did!