If you RSVP to a kids party and don’t show up...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had 2 families no-show yesterday. One family texted that they all were diagnosed with strep on Friday afternoon, the other family just forgot in the chaos of having out of town guests. The ones that forgot felt awful and stopped by with a gift that afternoon. The guest receipt indicates they bought the gift a week in advance so it wasn’t some last minute thing.

I don't consider being sick a no show. They let you know they weren't coming because they were sick.

other family was a no show. it happens. i think sometimes activities/event runs late and parties are short so they don't come. I never do this. I just know people who this has happened to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do people forget? Don’t you have a phone calendar? Set alerts if you’re that disorganized.

I’ve added it to the calendar for the wrong day.
Also, evite mixed up the time zone once and I showed up 2 hours late - as the party was ending.

I did this once too. I added the party on the wrong date and boy did I feel like a real jerk when I realized my mistake. After that experience I double and triple check to make sure I have the right time and day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in the midst of health issues before--and not the kind I want to talk about with everyone. One had unpredictable results, and I often had to cancel with short notice. Something could be going on in her life that has her strapped. I would not assume she is a jerk.

For friends who powered through and were patient with me, I am quite grateful.

And the meltdown example someone gave is another reason. I have missed events due to my child's crying and meltdowns, and I did not always want to share child's business with people I didn't know well.

Some of this has led me to accept fewer invitations.

I guess if people think I am a jerk for missing one event, they can.

Sounds like some of you have lives that result in you never making a mistake. You are most fortunate.

All fine. But did you offer a token apology to the host for RSVPing Yes and then not showing up? That is where the problem is and people think the other person is a jerk. People have no manners. No one cares if you cannot make it but be courteous and said an apology note or something.

[Anonymous]

I have a preschool child and we do whole class parties. If someone doesn’t show- it’s fine. Things come up and people forget.

[Anonymous]

I did it once and I was mortified. I wrote down the date wrong in my calendar and showed up at the correct time, but the day after the party. It was at their house and they were very gracious about my kid and I hanging out in their living room until it occurred to me they were taking party decorations DOWN.

[Anonymous]

Something similar to this happened to us. Had a birthday party at the local bowling alley. One child RSVP'd YES and never showed. My kid casually asked her why she wasn't there, and she said she doesn't like bowling. A few things:
1) What parent allows that as an excuse to not go to a birthday party?
2) If the repulsion to bowling was that strong, why reply YES? Why not go with the "we were out of town" response?

Never did hear from the parents. Another kid was a no-show, but he was sick and the mom contacted me to let me know with her regrets.

Mind boggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something similar to this happened to us. Had a birthday party at the local bowling alley. One child RSVP'd YES and never showed. My kid casually asked her why she wasn't there, and she said she doesn't like bowling. A few things:
1) What parent allows that as an excuse to not go to a birthday party?
2) If the repulsion to bowling was that strong, why reply YES? Why not go with the "we were out of town" response?

Never did hear from the parents. Another kid was a no-show, but he was sick and the mom contacted me to let me know with her regrets.

Mind boggling.

Oh geez. Some of you have lived very sheltered lives. The kid probably lied to cover up the real reason. My mom was abusive and would randomly not allow me to attend things. Maybe her parent is a drunk and was passed out. Maybe her parents were in the middle of a giant argument when they were supposed to go. Maybe the family’s one car broke down. Who knows? The poor kid was probably embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once when the kids were little a pet escaped, we were searching frantically, found the pet, and in the panic and relief afterward, forgot about the party completely. Stuff happens.

I totally get stuff happening right before a party, but did you not notice that you had a wrapped gift sitting on your table? That's what I don't get.

[Anonymous]

We did it once on accident and felt horrible! We had RSVP'd 3 weeks out, but I forgot to put it on the calendar. I haven't made that mistake since! My daughter is actually now BFF's with that birthday girl (this happened 2ish years ago).

[Anonymous]

If you really want to know why she did not show up do ask her not DCUM. Just call her or email or text asking
if everyone is all right because you are worrying since she did not show up at the party.

[Anonymous]

This is the worst. A mom who did this did reach out months later and told me her kid was sick that day. At least that made sense for the no show. The other no show never explained their absence. We had bad weather that day, icy rain on and off, and I suspect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in the midst of health issues before--and not the kind I want to talk about with everyone. One had unpredictable results, and I often had to cancel with short notice. Something could be going on in her life that has her strapped. I would not assume she is a jerk.

For friends who powered through and were patient with me, I am quite grateful.

And the meltdown example someone gave is another reason. I have missed events due to my child's crying and meltdowns, and I did not always want to share child's business with people I didn't know well.

Some of this has led me to accept fewer invitations.

I guess if people think I am a jerk for missing one event, they can.

Sounds like some of you have lives that result in you never making a mistake. You are most fortunate.

It's not about being perfect, it's about honoring commitments. Birthdays are really important to kids. Most probably don't notice if one or two kids don't show up. But if they only have a couple of kids show up, and several no shows, that can be a hurtful situation.

At least you are giving notice, it sounds like, and you have legit reasons. I think there are people who RSVP yes when they aren't really sure if they'll make it, and then they no show. That doesn't give the parent of the birthday kid time to manage expectations. No one wants a kid to be in tears on their birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once showed up to a party the Saturday before.

I was flaky at the time, actually in the midst of a nervous breakdown.

You never know what is going on in other people’s lives.

This. You never know what's going on in other people's lives.

These "she sucks" posters are so self-centered it doesn't occur to them that another family might have an issue occur that could bump their precious kids' parties from someone's mind.

Someday these posters will forget a party, or have a suddenly sick kid, or a car problem at an inconvenient time, or otherwise find that they don't control everything all the time. Then they'll say of course that THEY have a legit excuse for missing a party at the last second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once showed up to a party the Saturday before.

I was flaky at the time, actually in the midst of a nervous breakdown.

You never know what is going on in other people’s lives.

This. You never know what's going on in other people's lives.

These "she sucks" posters are so self-centered it doesn't occur to them that another family might have an issue occur that could bump their precious kids' parties from someone's mind.

Someday these posters will forget a party, or have a suddenly sick kid, or a car problem at an inconvenient time, or otherwise find that they don't control everything all the time. Then they'll say of course that THEY have a legit excuse for missing a party at the last second.

Right, or we already have been in that situation, and the difference is we sent a note to apologize for suddenly having to bail. You don't just no show. No matter how you try to justify it, it's rude. And most no shows are not emergencies, as this thread has proven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something similar to this happened to us. Had a birthday party at the local bowling alley. One child RSVP'd YES and never showed. My kid casually asked her why she wasn't there, and she said she doesn't like bowling. A few things:
1) What parent allows that as an excuse to not go to a birthday party?
2) If the repulsion to bowling was that strong, why reply YES? Why not go with the "we were out of town" response?

Never did hear from the parents. Another kid was a no-show, but he was sick and the mom contacted me to let me know with her regrets.

Mind boggling.

Oh geez. Some of you have lived very sheltered lives. The kid probably lied to cover up the real reason. My mom was abusive and would randomly not allow me to attend things. Maybe her parent is a drunk and was passed out. Maybe her parents were in the middle of a giant argument when they were supposed to go. Maybe the family’s one car broke down. Who knows? The poor kid was probably embarrassed.

Wow, that's sad. I bet you're right. What kid doesn't want to go to a birthday party, even if bowling is not their thing? My kids never turn down cake. I actually hope that you're wrong, no offense.