DNA Test Results Drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Lots of cold people on here! I connected with a half-sibling through Ancestry and it has been great for our lives, we have vacationed together and our kids now have cousins.

It isn’t cold. How is a half sibling you meet when you’re 40 that lived an entirely different life any different from the person in front of you at Starbucks? Maybe you’d be best friends with them if the two f you decided to take your coffee together and sit and have a chat, then meet up again in a week.

What makes a sibling bond special is you grow up together in the same household. You share the same childhood and many of the same memories.

I do have a half siblings. They where born when I was away in college. Between the age difference, another set of parents divorcing, and not spending much time together regularly, the relationship is no where near the same level as my relationship to my sibling I grew up with. Sharing DNA is not enough to make a relationship.

It's sad you can't bond with people unless you lived with them as a child.

Of course you can- you can bond with anyone. You don't need to share DNA with them to bond. But <b>what makes a sibling special and unique isn't the DNA connection it is the growing up together</b>.

This is not my experience, as someone who grew up with two siblings and who has found two other half-siblings in adulthood. I am much closer to my two half-sisters, neither of whom I knew growing up, than I am with one of my brothers that I grew up with. It wasn't and isn't instal-love, and it's not a connection based on shared history like it is with neighbors or old friends or even close cousins. My first sister and I had an uncanny connection from our first telephone conversation. First of all, our voices are nearly identical. It was like having a phone conversation with myself. Secondly, we were 10 years apart in age but had uncannily similar life experiences and major decision points like career and relationships. We shared health status (or rather I should say, maladies or challenges) and we kept shocking each other with common likes and dislikes and allergies and even obscure things, like our favorite poet, who pretty much no one else we knew had ever heard of.

My second sister and I did not have so many unusual items in common, but we just clicked incredibly easily. Whereas conversation with my biological and childhood brother is often tense and stilted, and we have derision for each other's politics (he a Fox news aficionado and me a Warren donor), my second sister and I just fit together with ease, making plans, texting each other with everyday minutae and news, spending time together. We joke that it's all the benefit of sisterhood as adults with none of the childhood resentments or rivalry. We live hundreds of miles apart and have no obligation to make any new memories together, but somehow we have made time for each other in each other's busy lives. I wouldn't do that for a random acquaintance in middle age. It's just that she's my sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to mention that private companies now have your most private and confidential family information. Don't do DNA testing unless there is a dire need for it.

Go take a Xanax and stop being so bossy and paranoid.

Or maybe don’t be so rude, PP.

PPP is right. Your data is exploited everyday, and you have good reason to be paranoid about it.

I'm laughing at the idea that it's "paranoid" to worry about a private company possessing your DNA information. How many of you have free credit monitoring due tot he Equifax breach. It's only a matter of time.

So what? What will be done with it? Worried about health insurance? If they will deny you based on DNA, it won't be because they stole your info- they won't have to. You'll have to give it up. You know all that DNA at your blood draw lab(?) -no different. You already gave that up. If you have a tumor, that will be DNA tested.

Do you know how they caught the BTK killer? The police court ordered his daughter's pap smear test without her knowledge. They caught the Golden State killer by using a public DNA sharing site to get a distant match, and then worked the family tree. That means your DNA is kind of out there if you have any 1st or 2nd degree relative who did their DNA. That's how most people find relatives.

Meta DNA data is used to help in disease research, medications, and general health care. Your name isn't on it. When someone needs your DNA for nefarious reasons, they arent interested in these kits.

DNA research is a good thing.

These are all examples of public use or use for the public good where the police have obtained a warrant or the owner of the DNA has given permission for it to be used. Get more creative in thinking of the nefarious ways your DNA information could be used directly against you.

[Anonymous]

Well, is the half sibling clearly a result of an affair and cheating? Or is it older and prior to your parents' marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to mention that private companies now have your most private and confidential family information. Don't do DNA testing unless there is a dire need for it.

Go take a Xanax and stop being so bossy and paranoid.

Or maybe don’t be so rude, PP.

PPP is right. Your data is exploited everyday, and you have good reason to be paranoid about it.

I'm laughing at the idea that it's "paranoid" to worry about a private company possessing your DNA information. How many of you have free credit monitoring due tot he Equifax breach. It's only a matter of time.

So what? What will be done with it? Worried about health insurance? If they will deny you based on DNA, it won't be because they stole your info- they won't have to. You'll have to give it up. You know all that DNA at your blood draw lab(?) -no different. You already gave that up. If you have a tumor, that will be DNA tested.

Do you know how they caught the BTK killer? The police court ordered his daughter's pap smear test without her knowledge. They caught the Golden State killer by using a public DNA sharing site to get a distant match, and then worked the family tree. That means your DNA is kind of out there if you have any 1st or 2nd degree relative who did their DNA. That's how most people find relatives.

Meta DNA data is used to help in disease research, medications, and general health care. Your name isn't on it. When someone needs your DNA for nefarious reasons, they arent interested in these kits.

DNA research is a good thing.

These are all examples of public use or use for the public good where the police have obtained a warrant or the owner of the DNA has given permission for it to be used. Get more creative in thinking of the nefarious ways your DNA information could be used directly against you.

The point is that if DNA is needed/ wanted, no one needs to go to 23 n me to get it.

No need to be "creative" since you've already got that down. Having your DNA profile done is of no threat.

[Anonymous]

In response to OP's question, sort of.

I did Ancestry DNA, and had my Dad do it, and was prepared that there might be a half-sibling out there from some early girlfriend of dalliance of Dad's.

But, a few months after we got the results, he decided to tell me that my late mother had actually had a son before she married my father. So I have a half-brother out there somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the half sibling clearly a result of an affair and cheating? Or is it older and prior to your parents' marriage?

Op here. Prior to the marriage to my mom. Completely unknown. My dad’s dead but would have been upset to know he wasn’t told.

[Anonymous]

Don't do a DNA test-- you're going to find out you have the gene for breast cancer or Alzheimers and get screwed out of your health, life, or long term care options. We have the most predatory, avaricious insurance situation in the world--keep that in mind.

https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/health/DNA-Privacy-Test-Results-Could-Affect-Life-Insurance-Ancestry-23andMe-506469671.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do a DNA test-- you're going to find out you have the gene for breast cancer or Alzheimers and get screwed out of your health, life, or long term care options. We have the most predatory, avaricious insurance situation in the world--keep that in mind.

https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/health/DNA-Privacy-Test-Results-Could-Affect-Life-Insurance-Ancestry-23andMe-506469671.html

This is what people do not understand.

Life insurance and long term care insurance ALREADY can deny you because of your health history. They take a blood test, they use your records, and family history. They do not need to sneak into your DNA...they ask for it right up front . No one needs to hack in to Ancestry and figure out which DNA kit is yours.

It is illegal to use it for health insurance. If it becomes legal, again, they will not have to sneak around. They will get it....by getting it the same way life insurance companies do. The article you posted is misleading ...no shock.

Lastly, your DNA test is not connected to a SS number or even your name or address if you dont want it to be. You control the purchase. If you want your name to be Mary Smith, then your name is Mary Smith. It can go to a PO address and your choice of anonymous emails.When you apply for life insurance and long term care, your name and SS are connected, along with your blood sample. In short, if they want to use your DNA, they will get your DNA up front.


You are quite wrong, and frankly, kind of dumb, with your knowledge of how this works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do a DNA test-- you're going to find out you have the gene for breast cancer or Alzheimers and get screwed out of your health, life, or long term care options. We have the most predatory, avaricious insurance situation in the world--keep that in mind.

https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/health/DNA-Privacy-Test-Results-Could-Affect-Life-Insurance-Ancestry-23andMe-506469671.html

Yeah, and you might find you have a gene that will enable you to preempt a disease. Good job there, friend....screw yourself in order to keep the inaginary insurance company fraud at bay.

Meanwhile, how about voting for solid health care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do a DNA test-- you're going to find out you have the gene for breast cancer or Alzheimers and get screwed out of your health, life, or long term care options. We have the most predatory, avaricious insurance situation in the world--keep that in mind.

https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/health/DNA-Privacy-Test-Results-Could-Affect-Life-Insurance-Ancestry-23andMe-506469671.html

Yeah, and you might find you have a gene that will enable you to preempt a disease. Good job there, friend....screw yourself in order to keep the inaginary insurance company fraud at bay.

Meanwhile, how about voting for solid health care?

These are not mutually exclusive. HIPPA exists for a reason. Why would you give a private company this much of your info? You can do genetic testing through a doctor. Protected that way. And yes I'll vote for single payer all day long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I were able to connect with and meet our half sister because she got a DNA test and also because she and my sister were both on Ancestry.com. We knew about her but had long ago given up on finding her. She, however, was very curious at this point in her life about her unmet siblings (she was born from a previous marriage of my dad's) because she knew about us but had not been given any information about us other than we existed.

It has all been very positive so far. She had a lot of questions about our dad, her mother had refused to tell her anything about him. She had vague memories of him from when she was a young child. We were able to explain to her what he was like and why she was actually better off not having a relationship with him. I think it eased her mind, she (like any child might) had always thought there was something wrong with her that he didn't want to be around her, which was not true at all.

I'm not getting any DNA test but I'm glad she did.

Just had a very similar experience with my husband meeting his half brother for the first time. My FIL refuses to take responsibility even though DNA has confirmed the match. It’s actually leading to some pretty between DH and FIL now, though.

We just flew up to their midwestern state over Labor Day weekend- we had plans to only meet for a few hours (we didn’t want to pressure the half brother too much) but ended up spending nearly the whole weekend with them. Super different people from us- but sooo nice. I’m so glad we went and met them. I wish they were closer to us! We’ll definitely be getting together again soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I were able to connect with and meet our half sister because she got a DNA test and also because she and my sister were both on Ancestry.com. We knew about her but had long ago given up on finding her. She, however, was very curious at this point in her life about her unmet siblings (she was born from a previous marriage of my dad's) because she knew about us but had not been given any information about us other than we existed.

It has all been very positive so far. She had a lot of questions about our dad, her mother had refused to tell her anything about him. She had vague memories of him from when she was a young child. We were able to explain to her what he was like and why she was actually better off not having a relationship with him. I think it eased her mind, she (like any child might) had always thought there was something wrong with her that he didn't want to be around her, which was not true at all.

I'm not getting any DNA test but I'm glad she did.

Just had a very similar experience with my husband meeting his half brother for the first time. My FIL refuses to take responsibility even though DNA has confirmed the match. It’s actually leading to some pretty between DH and FIL now, though.

We just flew up to their midwestern state over Labor Day weekend- we had plans to only meet for a few hours (we didn’t want to pressure the half brother too much) but ended up spending nearly the whole weekend with them. Super different people from us- but sooo nice. I’m so glad we went and met them. I wish they were closer to us! We’ll definitely be getting together again soon.

I'm confused. What does your FIL have to take responsibility for? The brother is grown, apparently someone else raised him which imo makes them the real parents. If FIL doesn't want a relationship it's up to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont know why people put themselves through this, especially if you already have an established family. Just because you now have a first cousin who is a lovechild of your aunt/uncle doesnt make them family.

I agree. Unfortunately there are many sperm donors out there. Doesn't make them parents, or the kids siblings. If my dad divorced my mom and had more kids with various women I wouldn't consider them siblings. Only the ones I grew up with.

People put themselves though it because they are missing something within themselves.

[Anonymous]

Imagine this as a wonderful gift. Approach it with cheer and joy. How old was your mom when she gave her kid away? Was there some sadness to your mom that you could never place? Forgive and understand. You have a sibling, you might have nieces and nephews, celebrate life.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a happy story. My sibling that I grew up with took this test for fun and turned out that my mom had an affair and our dad wasn't his bio dad. Worse still was the affair was with an old family friend whose children were also on the site.