WWYD - DD being sexually harassed by boy in school but doesn't want to report it

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09/11/2019 13:26

Subject: WWYD - DD being sexually harassed by boy in school but doesn't want to report it

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't even think it makes the boy a rotten kid... it sounds like he is just insecure and very immature, and maybe has generally poor social skills. (If he doesn't understand why staring at girls and pestering them after they have said no is not a great way to win friends and influence people...)

But it's one thing to do this as a kid and another to keep doing it as an adult. If no one calls him on it and tries to get him to understand why this is not the right way to handle it when he likes a girl and gets rejected, he will definitely keep doing it.

Absolutely not!

In middle school, it’s excusable, in high school it’s not.
I have boys, I’ve seen boys get in trouble about that in middle school because they were clueless, not nasty. Once they reach high school, any normal boy KNOWS he cannot act this way. Unless he’s a psychopath.

This is serious, OP.

It's not excusable in middle school either (or in elementary). I was a school counselor and would have ABSOLUTELY have wanted to know if one of my students was experiencing this OR if one was acting this way. No matter the age boys have to be taught what's acceptable (and experience consequences if harassing and bullying behavior continues). No exceptions. Poor social skills? Not an excuse. Immature? Not an excuse. Anyone can learn to to treat a person with respect, if they chose not to then alternative measures should be in place.

OP, if it were my daughter this is what I would do:

-Both you and DD write down everything you remember with as much detail as you can (you may each forget bits so it's good that you both do this) Location, times, frequency and language/gestures used
-Explain to DD that that if this situation is not dealt with head on, this boy's behavior will not stop (with her or others)
-Find a therapist for DD ASAP (your school counselor should be able to provide you with recommendations)
-Screen shot ALL future communication (even if it is not deemed threatening in the moment)
-Request a meeting with the school counselor and the head of the division (or head of school depending on who you consider an ally). Both parents or you and a relative should attend. It's often best to have someone else there for you.
-Fully document this meeting and be specific with your requests, i.e.- DD not in same class for the remainder of time in school (DD should NOT be the one moved), school should contact the parents, etc..
-Schedule a follow up meeting before you leave that meeting (all involved should feel the urgency).

Best of luck to you both. This really stinks.

PP you quoted. I meant that early adolescence is the time to explain and train boys (and more rarely girls) not do harass others. They are at the hormonal stage where otherwise normal kids might feel such impulses, while still being young enough not to think through consequences of their actions. Of course it should be taken seriously.

In contrast, high schoolers should already know not to do this, and the consequences to behaving this way should be far more severe, since they are statistically more likely to carry threats through and become violent. Also, the older teens or young adults who continue to act this way despite efforts at training and discipline are in their immense majority, students with disturbing mental health disorders who need serious psychiatric care.