Why does it matter if your kid swears?

[Anonymous]

Because it’s rude and I’m trying to raise my kids to not be rude. Yes they are just words, yes my butt hole is just a body part so why should I cover it in public, yes that man thinks an orgasm feels good and is a natural human function so why can’t he do it in public in front of the playground, I could go on but society dictates what is appropriate and what isn’t and saying F this and F that as a 4 year old falls into “not appropriate”. Also, side topic, but I get the impression you think your kid looks and sounds cute and precocious when you heard this but I guarantee not a single other person will think so. Don’t you want people to like your kid? Don’t give her such an easily avoidable handicap.

[Anonymous]

Because your job is to raise a successful and well-adjusted child. You may think a 4 yo using an F bomb is funny but many of us don't. Your child will be judged (maybe not rightfully so, but such is the world) and they won't understand why. Don't do this to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It just sounds wrong, and it's vulgar. And vulgar things coming out of a little child's mouth is just wrong.

I swore like sailor when I was younger. I try not to swear in front of my MS/HS children, and in return, they respectfully not say those words in front of me. I know they say it, just not in front of me.

I hear it's vulgar all the time, but never *why* it's vulgar? And you need something more than your mother said so.

Vulgar is just an opinion pp. It meant whatever it is is offensive. The reality of the world and our culture is that a lot of people find swearing vulgar and so part of growing up and raising kids so they can be successful is to ensure they know what's offensive so they can learn to edit.

Sigh. OK, so you've defined vulgar as offensive, which is also just an opinion and offers nothing to answer the question. So now, why is swearing offensive?

Also, as for being successful in life - you are under the impression that successful people don't swear? I think you haven't been around many successful people.

Well you're seem pretty rude so I can see why this confuses you.

All language basically only has meaning because we give it meaning. What those meanings are are essentially collectively agreed upon by the culture and population so we can all be commonly understood.

At every point in history, in every culture, certain words are labeled offensive/ vulgar/ swears. So it's offensive because there is a common understanding that everyone involved in the conversation knows those words are offensive and when someone chooses to say them there is some assumption that they are choosing to try to offend. So the recipient interprets according to the way the words are used culturally.

Of course smart people swear. I swear. But I dont swear at a Starbucks barista or my grandmother or my boss because those people will or could be offended and I don't want to risk that.

If you don't teach your kid how to edit based on their audience (in many ways not just in regards to swearing) than they'll be less socially accepted.

The human contract on communication is collectively decided, and just because you disagree, it won't change how you're interpreted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It just sounds wrong, and it's vulgar. And vulgar things coming out of a little child's mouth is just wrong.

I swore like sailor when I was younger. I try not to swear in front of my MS/HS children, and in return, they respectfully not say those words in front of me. I know they say it, just not in front of me.

I hear it's vulgar all the time, but never *why* it's vulgar? And you need something more than your mother said so.

Vulgar is just an opinion pp. It meant whatever it is is offensive. The reality of the world and our culture is that a lot of people find swearing vulgar and so part of growing up and raising kids so they can be successful is to ensure they know what's offensive so they can learn to edit.

Sigh. OK, so you've defined vulgar as offensive, which is also just an opinion and offers nothing to answer the question. So now, why is swearing offensive?

Also, as for being successful in life - you are under the impression that successful people don't swear? I think you haven't been around many successful people.

Well you're seem pretty rude so I can see why this confuses you.

All language basically only has meaning because we give it meaning. What those meanings are are essentially collectively agreed upon by the culture and population so we can all be commonly understood.

At every point in history, in every culture, certain words are labeled offensive/ vulgar/ swears. So it's offensive because there is a common understanding that everyone involved in the conversation knows those words are offensive and when someone chooses to say them there is some assumption that they are choosing to try to offend. So the recipient interprets according to the way the words are used culturally.

Of course smart people swear. I swear. But I dont swear at a Starbucks barista or my grandmother or my boss because those people will or could be offended and I don't want to risk that.

If you don't teach your kid how to edit based on their audience (in many ways not just in regards to swearing) than they'll be less socially accepted.

The human contract on communication is collectively decided, and just because you disagree, it won't change how you're interpreted.

OP listen to this poster

[Anonymous]

OP I relate to you! I am much the same. Xennial, atheist, distrust authority and all that. But, I sat in on a preschool staff meeting and learned that the teachers were really truly offended by cursing children and the parents who laugh at it. And I decided right then and there that I want my child to be successful and non offensive to others (even if I think their taking offense is dumb),and so therefore, he will learn to not curse outside the house. Give your kids the best chance! They need to get along with all kinds of people, not just the smart nonconformist elites.

[Anonymous]

It is beyond trashy. I know people do it, but if I was in a position to hire someone and overheard them speaking with a lot of curse words, I’d think twice. It lacks class, it’s offensive to others they might end up dealing with, and is a poor representation of whatever school/employer they are associated with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind the occasional swear, but I definitely don't want them to sound like my in-laws who speak the f word in every sentence uttered. F this and F that. I want my kids to sound pleasant when they speak.

This. Was in a restaurant recently and a woman in the bathroom was talking to my 2 year old. Every other word was the f word. She was trying to be nice (2 year old was screaming bloody murder as I tried to clean her up from car sick vomit, and the woman was trying to help calm her down) but man it was painful to hear. I didn't say anything because it's not my business to police how people talk and my 2 year old doesn't know that word yet, but still. Ugh.

I don't usually think about DCUM's favorite topics, class and tackiness, but I have to say that a young kid (under 10) swearing would definitely make me think he grew up with ignorant, rude parents or in a poor environment. An occasional "damn" or maybe even "shit," I could excuse in an 8 or 9 year old who is probably doing it for shock value. "Crap" doesn't even register with me as a swear word. But the f word, or saying bitch, the c word, etc -- heck no. No 8 or 9 year old should be employing these on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I guess my question is why is it that we give the "f" word or sh$% or whatever such power that using them becomes "not elegant" or that there's a "time and place." Yea, its what we've all grown up with, but why? Why does it matter?

Do you know what they mean, OP?
They refer to intimate bodily acts, anatomical regions, or a deity that you would not otherwise describe in public.
Do you throw around sexual or defecation-related terms casually to anyone? I hope not. Calling the Lord in vain may mean nothing to you, but it was especially shocking in past centuries, when most people in Europe and the colonies were expected to be devout Christian.
If you believe that we can talk about anything in public, even sex or poo, then it logically follows that you would be unfazed by swear words.
Please understand that most of us hold different views.

I want to buy you the "everybody poops" book.

Uptight people give these words more power than they deserve.

PP you replied to. I'm a biologist: I know how it works! However I also understand how the world works. I come from a social circle where elegance and social graces are prized. This leaves no room for swearing in public. This shouldn't be so hard for you to understand, PP.

[Anonymous]

It feels like a power play to me, when a stranger swears. That they don’t need to control themselves or their anger around me. It feels intensely confrontational. I am also a former elementary teacher. I last swore in front of another person in about 2007, give or take a year, if that gives you context.