Food and todder - parents disagree - who's right?

[Anonymous]

Oh, and OP - don't break your arm trying to pat yourself on the back.

[Anonymous]

"Oh, and OP - don't break your arm trying to pat yourself on the back."

That's kind of an uncalled for remark.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this thread went a full day and three pages without anyone else coming to the conclusion that OP was smug or obnoxious. I guess our resident troll took a little vacation, and just got back this morning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and OP - don't break your arm trying to pat yourself on the back.

WTH? Where did this animosity come from???

[Anonymous]

9:15, let me save you the trouble of typing it yourself:

"Just because I don't agree with you/ question you, suddenly I'm a troll??"

[Anonymous]

I'm new to this thread, and I'm kind of surprised by the number of posts that seem to indicate (and maybe I'm reading them wrong) that a lot of parents are letting their kids roam around during dinner time, swinging by the table for a bite when they feel like it. I kind of thought meal times were table time - for younger kids, that means you get strapped in, the food goes in front of you, and some sort of food to mouth delivery system is utilized (parent, hands, utensil, depending on age). Our kids sit at the table for meals, and there is no free range dining. With my second kid I've made a big concession by allowing him to have a sippy cup when not at the table - but that is primarily so he can gulp down a few swallows of milk while I get the rest of the meal ready.

For the free roaming kids - what is the plan when they get a little older - tell them that now that they're 3, 4, whatever, they have to sit down for meals? How does this work if you're at a restaurant or similar? Genuinely curious, not an attempt at snarky response.

[Anonymous]

12:24, I have a free-range diner, and it's a big concern. We can't go to restaurants. Out of the question. If she is forced to sit, she howls as if we're beating her. We've tried everything-- high chair, toys at the table, grown-up chair, laps, own little table and chair next to the big table... Given all the advice about "don't make mealtimes traumatic", how should we reconcile this? Kids should sit at mealtimes; that's a given, and no one sane would disagree. But for the kid that point blank refuses to do so, I don't know how to make it happen without the aforementioned trauma.

[Anonymous]

But for the kid that point blank refuses to do so, I don't know how to make it happen without the aforementioned trauma.

Be simple and matter-of-fact: You must eat at the table. If you leave the table, your food leaves too, and there will be nothing else for [insert your chosen amount of time here]. If she looks to be in the process of leaving the table, ask, "Are you finished?" as a reminder. Say, "There won't be anything to eat until X." Follow through. And remain calm (<--- ha ha ha, remaining calm is not something that comes naturally to me, so I am full of it here, but it does help).

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine keeps a timer on the table set for 10 minutes. Her kid has to sit strapped in her high chair until the timer goes off. They play games with the food, for instance, they will toast each other with a chunk of brocolli (her kid gets a kick out of saying "cheers"). They started with a couple minutes and slowly worked up to 10. They also actively engage her in conversation to keep her interested. It works!

As for my 2 year old...she loves food so much we have to pry her out of the chair! (not being smug - we have other issues, but eating food isn't one of them!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But for the kid that point blank refuses to do so, I don't know how to make it happen without the aforementioned trauma.

Be simple and matter-of-fact: You must eat at the table. If you leave the table, your food leaves too, and there will be nothing else for [insert your chosen amount of time here]. If she looks to be in the process of leaving the table, ask, "Are you finished?" as a reminder. Say, "There won't be anything to eat until X." Follow through. And remain calm (<--- ha ha ha, remaining calm is not something that comes naturally to me, so I am full of it here, but it does help).

I agree with this. You'll probably have to face a really angry kid for a while, but it would work. If the kid is hungry, the kid will eventually figure out that that table is the place the food will be served. How old is your child (the PP whose child howls and really won't sit at the table)? If old enough to understand much of anything (and remember, they're smarter than we usually given them credit for), your child will probably understand if you say "New rule about eating. Food at table only, and you must sit at table to eat. If you get down, your food gets put away."

I did go through this to a degree with my 18 month old - he wants to get down and play but have his food remain there for when he wants it. And he also likes to put his fork in his milk cup, and smear food in his hair, scratch the table with his fork, etc. All of the "negative" behaviors get the same response: no, that's not appropriate, consequence is: for getting down - food will be taken away; fork in milk - milk goes away; fork scratches table - fork goes away; you get the idea. My child "protests" (the polite way to describe horrific crying and tantrum-like responses), but pretty quickly came around to the idea that if he wants to eat, he sits; if he wants milk, no forks may be dipped; if he wants a fork like his big brother has, no scratching table.

Oh, and I agree that mealtimes shouldn't be traumatic or a battle, but I don't think that my child has been scarred by this. We dealt with his big brother the same way, and big brother now has great table manners (as great as a 3.5 year old's table manners can be).

Wishing you the best of luck!

[Anonymous]

I talked to an early childhood development expert about this issue for my 1.5 year old, and she said the parent controls what the child eats and the child controls how much they eat. If they reject a food and start smearing/tossing it, take it away but offer it again at least 8 more times. She suggested putting all the food on the tray at once, then take away the tray when the playing with food began. But I'm a softie and worried that DC didn't get enough.

[Anonymous]

"Clearly we all know that eating on-the-go is a bad idea, and leads to problems." The second poster said this and it is total crap. I ate on the go all the time - my dad would play games with me to get me to eat -- "take one bite and go touch something red" -- 35 years later and I am healthy, 5'6" and weigh 125 lbs, and I do not have food/eating issues. I have no idea what "problems" the poster is talking about. That being said - OP and her DH have to come to some sort of compromise that they can both live with.

[Anonymous]

I find this thread very helpful. I actually have a very easy baby, she is a great sitter and a great eater. Has even eaten pieces of anchovies! At 15 months, she sometimes decides that she doesn't want to eat something that she normally loves. Then we get into the discussion of: should we give her the bread and cheese now? I am afraid of this because I don't want to train her to think that if she says no enough that "all roads lead to cheese," which is her favorite food in the world. She has always been 50 percent for weight.

She is a great sitter, but does this change? At 15 months she is just starting to walk, so maybe now that she has more freedom she will get antsier?

[Anonymous]

Set a time if you have to, but she should need to be in her seat for some pre-set amount, even if it's just 5 minutes, but after she leaves table, no more food. My guess is once she figures that out, she'll sit longer.

I agree with those who say offer the bread with every meal. My kids (2 and 4) have to take at least one bite of everything before they get the bread (otherwise, they will just eat that and not even taste anything else, but once they taste the other things they often like it, keep eating it, and forget about the bread for a few mintues.)