Spouse cheating, would you contact the person they were cheating with?

[Anonymous]

She reached out to you so you should contact her and find out what she wants. But make sure you have your own clear agenda of what you want before contacting her.

For example, you could tell her that if she wants him, all you need is her address and you will send a moving truck over with all his stuff by the end of the week.

If she just wants attention, tell her you will give her plenty of attention, more than she ever hoped for.

If she's trying to tell you that they are still together, tell her you are happy to have everyone clear the air and arrange for a sit-down visit with you, her and H to hash it all out.

Don't let her play games with you. I'm a man BTW and I've confronted the other party of a woman who was cheating on me before and asked him to meet. He declined but it was so much fun enjoying the havoc that followed once he called her to let her know of our conversation.

[Anonymous]

I would ignore her. Nothing drives the OW crazy like being ignored.

If your husband is already ignoring her, this is why she went to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore her. Nothing drives the OW crazy like being ignored.

If your husband is already ignoring her, this is why she went to you.

+1. She wanted a reaction. Don't give it to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has been in a long-term affair. When it first started, I had found out about it, but after counseling and working together thought it was over years ago. Recently, the person he has been seeing sent me an email with a picture of the two of them. That is when I found out that it had started up again.

I am curious if you have found out your spouse was cheating, if you spoke with the person they were cheating with. I'm considering calling her and saying, "It seems you have something to tell me, so wanted to give you the opportunity."

What would you do?

Thanks

It depends on your end goal. If you call her do it already knowing that she is willing to cheat with a married man AND willing to give him up to his wife. She's not a loyal woman and not one with integrity so take everything she says with a grain of salt... and expect some salt in your wounds. If you plan to divorce him she may give you some ammunition. Only you can decide if calling her will help you more than it will hurt you. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It sounds horrible.

I agree with this.

I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has been in a long-term affair. When it first started, I had found out about it, but after counseling and working together thought it was over years ago. Recently, the person he has been seeing sent me an email with a picture of the two of them. That is when I found out that it had started up again.

I am curious if you have found out your spouse was cheating, if you spoke with the person they were cheating with. I'm considering calling her and saying, "It seems you have something to tell me, so wanted to give you the opportunity."

What would you do?

Thanks

It depends on your end goal. If you call her do it already knowing that she is willing to cheat with a married man AND willing to give him up to his wife. She's not a loyal woman and not one with integrity so take everything she says with a grain of salt... and expect some salt in your wounds. If you plan to divorce him she may give you some ammunition. Only you can decide if calling her will help you more than it will hurt you. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It sounds horrible.

I agree with this.

I am so sorry.

She already knows that he cheated. Courts generally don't care about infidelity unless he is diverting marital assets to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it a recent picture? What did the email say?

What would be the purpose of talking to her? I'd just forward the picture to my husband along with contact info for my attorney.

It was not a recent picture from the date on the picture. There was nothing else in the email, just the attachment.

But you said you found out that the affair had started up again, so is it going on now? Do you know?

It had happening off and on for a number of years. Last ending in December.

This would worry me, OP. Off and on. Why? Because the attraction was to strong for it to stay off and because he had no sense of honor toward your marriage vows so he allowed it to become on again? I'm not trying to be hurtful, I'm just saying that a pattern of behavior is different from a mistake and you deserve someone who will treat you well.

[Anonymous]

You won’t get the answers you want. The scorned wife called my husband and he told her he didn’t care about her problems and to leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

No, I would work on being the best version of me.

Hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick

[Anonymous]

When my XH had an emotional affair, I didn’t.

My second DH is faithful as far as I know. I could see myself losing it a bit if he cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has been in a long-term affair. When it first started, I had found out about it, but after counseling and working together thought it was over years ago. Recently, the person he has been seeing sent me an email with a picture of the two of them. That is when I found out that it had started up again.

I am curious if you have found out your spouse was cheating, if you spoke with the person they were cheating with. I'm considering calling her and saying, "It seems you have something to tell me, so wanted to give you the opportunity."

What would you do?

Thanks

Nothing good will come out of this. Do not engage or respond.

Whatever she sends you, forward it to your husband with NO COMMENTARY. just hit "forward."

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she wants to make your life miserable. She’s definitely doing at retaliation.

If she were happy, she wouldn’t email you.

I think it’s possible they aren’t even together and she pissed. In which case I would ignore. Nothing good comes from this. This type would even mess with your kids. But yeah it’s unsettling and I’d you already have worked through those issues.

[Anonymous]

Op, the OW is pissed at you for staying with her cheating partner. She is mad at your DH as well as at you most likely...an angry woman, disengage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She opened the door, so I say go ahead.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won’t get the answers you want. The scorned wife called my husband and he told her he didn’t care about her problems and to leave him alone.

So he wasn’t interested in knowing about your affair?

[Anonymous]

So it’s been on and off for years? Why do you stay?