My ex is now engaged to the woman he was cheating on me with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your marriage was so great, then why did he stray? Perhaps he and OW are a better match together like Charles and Camilla.

Not OP. Because he’s an ahole, like all cheaters. I suspect you’re an ahole too. Now you know.

Nope, not all cheaters are assholes. My sister cheated on her verbally/mentally abusive ex, it saved her, showed her the true value of a healthy relationship. Gave her the strength to get the f out of there, she is now happily married to her affair partner and he is an amazing step father to her two children. Not all cheating is bad and not all cheaters are assholes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your marriage was so great, then why did he stray? Perhaps he and OW are a better match together like Charles and Camilla.

Not OP. Because he’s an ahole, like all cheaters. I suspect you’re an ahole too. Now you know.

Nope, not all cheaters are assholes. My sister cheated on her verbally/mentally abusive ex, it saved her, showed her the true value of a healthy relationship. Gave her the strength to get the f out of there, she is now happily married to her affair partner and he is an amazing step father to her two children. Not all cheating is bad and not all cheaters are assholes.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Your sister should have left before she cheated. What kind of example are both of these kids' parents??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why when a relationship ends you let it go.
You don't cyberstalk people on social media looking at their Facebook and Instagram posts daily.

Easier said than done. I can't stand sanctimonious and clueless people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why when a relationship ends you let it go.
You don't cyberstalk people on social media looking at their Facebook and Instagram posts daily.

Easier said than done. I can't stand sanctimonious and clueless people like you.

No wonder you got cheated on and dumped.
You think someone is sanctimonious just cause they don't obsessively cling to the past?
Talk about clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why when a relationship ends you let it go.
You don't cyberstalk people on social media looking at their Facebook and Instagram posts daily.

Easier said than done. I can't stand sanctimonious and clueless people like you.

No wonder you got cheated on and dumped.
You think someone is sanctimonious just cause they don't obsessively cling to the past?
Talk about clueless.

I have never been cheated or dumped once in my life, not sure where you got that from my post. (I do have some friends who went through it. I know this situation can be very hard and how people like you can make it harder.)
Your answer tells me that you are some reading comprehensions. I am pretty sure you are going to come up when some nasty out of topics answers, so I am just going to leave it there it there and stop wasting my time with people like you. Have a great day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your marriage was so great, then why did he stray? Perhaps he and OW are a better match together like Charles and Camilla.

Not OP. Because he’s an ahole, like all cheaters. I suspect you’re an ahole too. Now you know.

Nope, not all cheaters are assholes. My sister cheated on her verbally/mentally abusive ex, it saved her, showed her the true value of a healthy relationship. Gave her the strength to get the f out of there, she is now happily married to her affair partner and he is an amazing step father to her two children. Not all cheating is bad and not all cheaters are assholes.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Your sister should have left before she cheated. What kind of example are both of these kids' parents??

As a victim of abuse and of infidelity (in separate relationships), I have to agree with this. Verbal/mental abuse is not an excuse to cheat. While I'm glad your sister got out, the way she used another man - her affair partner -- to set up her exit path indicates that she still has some pretty serious issues about setting boundaries and making her own choices and finding her own strength. That doesn't make her an asshole, but it also doesn't make the cheating good and her a saint.

[Anonymous]

Don’t even give this an ounce of brain space. You two are done, so whether he marries her, someone else, or no one at all, it won’t change that you two are done.

I hope you don’t have kids so you can truly move on. But if you do, view him/her more like a co worker/their spouse than a former spouse/affair partner. You two have a job to do-raising kids.

And let your kids have whatever relationship they want with her without your trashing her or making them feel guilty if they do like her.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, that really sucks. How long have they been "together"? Limerence lasts a max of maybe 32 months, per a link someone posted on here a while ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your marriage was so great, then why did he stray? Perhaps he and OW are a better match together like Charles and Camilla.

Not OP. Because he’s an ahole, like all cheaters. I suspect you’re an ahole too. Now you know.

Nope, not all cheaters are assholes. My sister cheated on her verbally/mentally abusive ex, it saved her, showed her the true value of a healthy relationship. Gave her the strength to get the f out of there, she is now happily married to her affair partner and he is an amazing step father to her two children. Not all cheating is bad and not all cheaters are assholes.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Your sister should have left before she cheated. What kind of example are both of these kids' parents??

As a victim of abuse and of infidelity (in separate relationships), I have to agree with this. Verbal/mental abuse is not an excuse to cheat. While I'm glad your sister got out, the way she used another man - her affair partner -- to set up her exit path indicates that she still has some pretty serious issues about setting boundaries and making her own choices and finding her own strength. That doesn't make her an asshole, but it also doesn't make the cheating good and her a saint.

Eh, I'm not going to judge her. It's not ideal; but the point is that it can be very hard to get out of a bad situation. If all it took were being determined to "set boundaries and make choices" then it wouldn't be so hard. If an affair helps you exit a bad relationship sooner rather than later, then it can be the morally good result.

[Anonymous]

I've said it before, "winners focus on winning and losers focus on losers."

You will move on.

And there's a lot of cheaters on here that will tell you that the OW is blameless. It's totally cool to hate her. She's a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Well, we children and children--law are stuck caring for a very sick FIL whose wife (who was his affair partner) ditched him as soon as he showed signs of serious illness. We think she was cheating on him too. He is both heartbroken and confused.

Meanwhile MIL went on to live an awesome independent life. The divorce was hard, but she flourished in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear this. It hurts, and it’s good to acknowledge that. It shows you are human and capable of reflection and normal emotions.

Spend some time feeling sad, because you need to feel the emotions in order to process them. Then, after a few days, start focusing on being thankful and happy about some new part of your own life. Can be anything that you are doing now that you didn’t do before your divorce.

I’ve always been genuinely perplexed about why two adults who cared so little about the institution of marriage that they would lie to their spouse, pursue a married person, have sex with that person while still married to someone else, and even justify those actions in their own minds feel so strongly about getting married quickly themselves. It’s really quite bizarre.

Marriage didn’t strengthen their commitment, their loyalty, their willingness to work in their relationship, etc. So what purpose do they think it will serve them this time?

It is almost always 100% about assuaging their guilt.... proving to themselves and others that know what they did that they are the Real Deal and therefore the dishonesty, lies, tears, and betrayal that they caused to be together must be justified.

Sometimes it’s also about trying to alleviate the obvious suspicion that they have of each other.... if you cheated in someone to be with me, can I ever really trust you? It’s a bandaid approach to addressing the fact that they both are untrustworthy people.

Try not to compare yourself to her, or your marriage to what they will have. There is no comparison. She’s marrying a man who lied to his wife to get into a pint her woman’s pants. Who probably would have continued that charade of keeping her as the side piece indefinitely had you not discovered his lies. She’s marrying the kind of man who actually justifies in his mind why it’s ok to choose to lie, cheat, manipulate, and gaslight his wife instead of using his Big Boy words to either address his needs or end the marriage honorably.

You probably wouldn’t even date someone like that, would you? I know I wouldn’t. If I find out a man cheated on his spouse, there are no further dates. Is it possible he’s made amends and grown and done the work necessary to figure out why he did it in the first place? Sure. But there are enough honorable men out there that I don’t need to deal with cheaters.

You will ok. Hold your head high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your marriage was so great, then why did he stray? Perhaps he and OW are a better match together like Charles and Camilla.

Yep. Hard for people to accept but sometimes this is absolutely true.

Yes usually selfish jerks are better off with each other than with an actual good person.

Thank your sister. We all know that women control access to sex. Guy was probably desperate. She is the one that made the choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why when a relationship ends you let it go.
You don't cyberstalk people on social media looking at their Facebook and Instagram posts daily.

Easier said than done. I can't stand sanctimonious and clueless people like you.

No wonder you got cheated on and dumped.
You think someone is sanctimonious just cause they don't obsessively cling to the past?
Talk about clueless.

I have never been cheated or dumped once in my life, not sure where you got that from my post. (I do have some friends who went through it. I know this situation can be very hard and how people like you can make it harder.)
Your answer tells me that you are some reading comprehensions. I am pretty sure you are going to come up when some nasty out of topics answers, so I am just going to leave it there it there and stop wasting my time with people like you. Have a great day.

You were never dumped? Ever? Geez, what were they thinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear this. It hurts, and it’s good to acknowledge that. It shows you are human and capable of reflection and normal emotions.

Spend some time feeling sad, because you need to feel the emotions in order to process them. Then, after a few days, start focusing on being thankful and happy about some new part of your own life. Can be anything that you are doing now that you didn’t do before your divorce.

I’ve always been genuinely perplexed about why two adults who cared so little about the institution of marriage that they would lie to their spouse, pursue a married person, have sex with that person while still married to someone else, and even justify those actions in their own minds feel so strongly about getting married quickly themselves. It’s really quite bizarre.

Marriage didn’t strengthen their commitment, their loyalty, their willingness to work in their relationship, etc. So what purpose do they think it will serve them this time?

It is almost always 100% about assuaging their guilt.... proving to themselves and others that know what they did that they are the Real Deal and therefore the dishonesty, lies, tears, and betrayal that they caused to be together must be justified.

Sometimes it’s also about trying to alleviate the obvious suspicion that they have of each other.... if you cheated in someone to be with me, can I ever really trust you? It’s a bandaid approach to addressing the fact that they both are untrustworthy people.

Try not to compare yourself to her, or your marriage to what they will have. There is no comparison. She’s marrying a man who lied to his wife to get into a pint her woman’s pants. Who probably would have continued that charade of keeping her as the side piece indefinitely had you not discovered his lies. She’s marrying the kind of man who actually justifies in his mind why it’s ok to choose to lie, cheat, manipulate, and gaslight his wife instead of using his Big Boy words to either address his needs or end the marriage honorably.

You probably wouldn’t even date someone like that, would you? I know I wouldn’t. If I find out a man cheated on his spouse, there are no further dates. Is it possible he’s made amends and grown and done the work necessary to figure out why he did it in the first place? Sure. But there are enough honorable men out there that I don’t need to deal with cheaters.

You will ok. Hold your head high.

Biology. It’s not really that confusing is it? Humans do not naturally mate for life. That’s a social construct we created (for better or worse) to create a more stable society. Whether it works or not is up for debate.