Just a vent - my mom is useless

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. I will never forget when my mom came to stay after my first baby and expected me to cook for HER every night. And then the first meal I made she said "this is a little too rich for me, I'll just have cereal". OMG the rage.

[Anonymous]

I am 3 weeks postpatrum, and my mom has been helping me out a lot taking care of my oldest child, newborn & me. She takes off work unpaid for 6 weeks to take care of anyone/cook/clean the house etc., so that I can recover & sleep well. My DH is not that helpful, and my MIL has not come to see the newborn yet even she lives local. Without my mom's help, it won't be the end of the world, but just I would spend $$ to order carry-out/delivery, and outsource some works for cleaning ladies.

I will do the same things when I have grandkids in the future if I would be still physical healthy, I would help to take care of my DD & DIL & grandkids as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 3 weeks postpatrum, and my mom has been helping me out a lot taking care of my oldest child, newborn & me. She takes off work unpaid for 6 weeks to take care of anyone/cook/clean the house etc., so that I can recover & sleep well. My DH is not that helpful, and my MIL has not come to see the newborn yet even she lives local. Without my mom's help, it won't be the end of the world, but just I would spend $$ to order carry-out/delivery, and outsource some works for cleaning ladies.

I will do the same things when I have grandkids in the future if I would be still physical healthy, I would help to take care of my DD & DIL & grandkids as well.

So glad your situation is great pp. The OP's isn't. What was the point of you positing other then to rub it in?

[Anonymous]

OP I feel your pain. Mom was useless but my dad was good. Is he in the picture and can he help? I also talked to a friend of mom who came to visit and that friend had a come to jesus moment with her about her creating more problems.

[Anonymous]

One thing you could do is give her the baby monitor at night and go out with your husband - at least for an hour at a cafe, a late and fast dinner, go browse politics and prose. That’s what I do when my parents come to visit....at least you can take advantage of having an adult who can listen to the monitor and call you if you’re needed.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is probably just slowing down, OP. Tough for her to admit it, but there it is.

On the other hand, OP, she probably loves you to pieces. So there’s that. And your children will have vivid memories of their grandmother. Which my DC doesn’t., and regrets.

Congratulations on your new baby, OP. It’s not easy, but you’re going to be awesome. You already are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is probably just slowing down, OP. Tough for her to admit it, but there it is.

On the other hand, OP, she probably loves you to pieces. So there’s that. And your children will have vivid memories of their grandmother. Which my DC doesn’t., and regrets.

Congratulations on your new baby, OP. It’s not easy, but you’re going to be awesome. You already are!

Not if Grandma isn't doing anything with them.

[Anonymous]

Your mom sounds depressed or something. I would be annoyed at her for making more work for you, but nothing you described sounds like she's doing that other than her not washing her own dishes. Do you have a DH who can help out more?

Alas, you can't control the behavior of others, and you can't make relatives help out more. The only thing you can do is lower your expectations and try to get through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 3 weeks postpatrum, and my mom has been helping me out a lot taking care of my oldest child, newborn & me. She takes off work unpaid for 6 weeks to take care of anyone/cook/clean the house etc., so that I can recover & sleep well. My DH is not that helpful, and my MIL has not come to see the newborn yet even she lives local. Without my mom's help, it won't be the end of the world, but just I would spend $$ to order carry-out/delivery, and outsource some works for cleaning ladies.

I will do the same things when I have grandkids in the future if I would be still physical healthy, I would help to take care of my DD & DIL & grandkids as well.

So glad your situation is great pp. The OP's isn't. What was the point of you positing other then to rub it in?

+1. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 3 weeks postpatrum, and my mom has been helping me out a lot taking care of my oldest child, newborn & me. She takes off work unpaid for 6 weeks to take care of anyone/cook/clean the house etc., so that I can recover & sleep well. My DH is not that helpful, and my MIL has not come to see the newborn yet even she lives local. Without my mom's help, it won't be the end of the world, but just I would spend $$ to order carry-out/delivery, and outsource some works for cleaning ladies.

I will do the same things when I have grandkids in the future if I would be still physical healthy, I would help to take care of my DD & DIL & grandkids as well.

It's not being "helpful" to take care of your own family. It's being an adult.

I hope your children get a glimpse of the 21st century somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty ungrateful and insufferable yourself, OP.

NP. No she does not. The last thing someone with an older kid and a new baby is a guest who just lays around and complains about what’s for dinner. It’s especially annoying when the guest begged to come and said they would help.

These situations help a LOT. relative really wants to help, thinks they know what is involved, then its clear that they're not up to the heavy lifting. Especially older folks.

Move her out before it damages your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 3 weeks postpatrum, and my mom has been helping me out a lot taking care of my oldest child, newborn & me. She takes off work unpaid for 6 weeks to take care of anyone/cook/clean the house etc., so that I can recover & sleep well. My DH is not that helpful, and my MIL has not come to see the newborn yet even she lives local. Without my mom's help, it won't be the end of the world, but just I would spend $$ to order carry-out/delivery, and outsource some works for cleaning ladies.

I will do the same things when I have grandkids in the future if I would be still physical healthy, I would help to take care of my DD & DIL & grandkids as well.

It's not being "helpful" to take care of your own family. It's being an adult.

I hope your children get a glimpse of the 21st century somewhere.

+1. And I hope your children marry better partners who can adequately take leave and care for them after giving birth. That's what i want for my children.