Just a vent - my mom is useless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use your words. Are you mute? Wake her up and ask her to drop off your kid. Tell her when to leave to pick up the kid. Tell her to clean up after herself when she cooks. This is not that difficult.

Use your eyes. Her mom is asleep when she needs help in the evenings and mornings. She is also lying down during the afternoon, so I suppose she could tell her to leave but if her mom says she doesn't have the energy, then what? I'll give you the clean up after herself after cooking, but yes, it is that difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use your words. Are you mute? Wake her up and ask her to drop off your kid. Tell her when to leave to pick up the kid. Tell her to clean up after herself when she cooks. This is not that difficult.

Use your eyes. Her mom is asleep when she needs help in the evenings and mornings. She is also lying down during the afternoon, so I suppose she could tell her to leave but if her mom says she doesn't have the energy, then what? I'll give you the clean up after herself after cooking, but yes, it is that difficult.

Hm perhaps you should use your eyes AND learn to read as I suggested that she wake her mother up if she is sleeping. But it sounds like both you and OP have a learned habit of making things more difficult than necessary if you're unable to verbally delegate tasks to the person who is there to help you. Just continue whining about how difficult your life is!

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't have had children if you are incapable of taking care of them. Going to bed at 10 pm is late.

[Anonymous]

No reason to be hard on OP. It's really hard to basically tell your parents they are slowing down and not helpful. While juggling and toddler and newborn. I agree with the general advice to think of more specific things she can do (fold laundry, take kid to school). But no need to pile on, it sounds hard enough. Hang in there , OP.

[Anonymous]

You have my sympathies, OP, and ignore the ridiculous posters.
Curious...
Was she this useless with the first baby, or do you think there is a significant decline in health/energy between first and second kid?

[Anonymous]

Either give her assigned tasks (like laundry to fold, as mentioned above), or gently come to Jesus:

"Mother, I wanted to thank you for coming. I think we're getting to the point where it's time for us to focus in as a family again, but it has been good to see you."

I'm sure it has been good to see her sleeping peacefully -- at least someone in the house was. She is your mom, and I'm sure you love her. It also may be time for her to go back, and that doesn't have to be a bad transition.

[Anonymous]

When my mom came to help I did not expect her to help in the early morning and at night. She helped with meals, holding g the baby when I slept, doing laundry etc. She helped massage, bathe, burp, rock, change the baby. She was a godsend.

She was elderly so there was no way I would do anything to mess up her sleep cycle or do laborious things. She really enjoyed the baby.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I don’t see any good intentions on her part. You’ll have to be firmer with her. She should be cleaning in the morning, at least.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Tel her it’s not working out and she needs to go so you can get used to your new routine.

[Anonymous]

She’s not your servant. If you want her to do something specific then ask her. She’s not going to read your mind. I agree she does not sound perfect but at least she is offering to help and I’m guessing you are not such a peach when you guys are together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s not your servant. If you want her to do something specific then ask her. She’s not going to read your mind. I agree she does not sound perfect but at least she is offering to help and I’m guessing you are not such a peach when you guys are together.

+1

[Anonymous]

The gramnesia is strong. Let us never forget how hard it is to raise young children. I will help my children in any way I can when the time comes:

Seriously-how do our mothers forget what this stage of life is like???????????

[Anonymous]

We told our parents no thank you. They are not that competent at their age and were just complicating everything. They did not seem to mind.

[Anonymous]

My mom is the opposite. She does everything... sleeps with baby, takes care of older kids when not in school etc. but it’s her way. She is not a baby sitter and does not do what I ask. She will put baby to sleep where and how she wants (based on her experience), educate my older kids, etc. She stayed 3-5 weeks with all my three kids when they were born and I don’t think I could have done it without her

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain OP. I love my mom to pieces but she is in her upper 70s and is more hassle than the baby in some ways. AT the end of the day they just want to be around the baby and cuddle, that's it. Now that you have realized her limitations I would advise identifying 1 task she can actually do and ask her to step up and do it and let the rest of the stuff slide. That way she is at least helping a little but still getting in all the cuddle time she wants. Speak up without being rude. I would suggest urging her to get up in time to take your older kid to school maybe? When my mom is here I wake her up just like I would a kid. Or whatever task you think she can actually do....