Husband wants to live without WiFi at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's controlling and emotionally abusive. Do you have family and/or friends in the area?

No. I have absolutely no one here. It's also not easy to make friends here because the majority of the population where I live isn't American. We live in the US but it feels like another country. It's all immigrants.

DP.. I was with you until this statement. Why can't you make friends with immigrants?

Get a job. Maybe you will get to know more immigrants and become friends with them.

I'm thinking your husband feels that since you aren't working at all, you don't get to have any money spent on non essentials. That's controlling, but, I have to say, your statement above turned me off, and I probably wouldn't be friends with you either.

--signed an immigrant who is "Americanized"

Op here. My husband is an immigrant. I have tons of immigrant friends. You would have to live here to truly understand. They’re nice to me but I will never truly fit in with them/ their culture. They’re not Americanized.

Where is “here”?

Where are you located?

Sounds like she lives in Impossibleville: no NPR radio available, and the apartment lobby closes at 5pm. Never heard of or experienced either of those.

[Anonymous]

You sit him down and explain that what he is doing is emotional and psychological abuse. That you will not stand for it, and that you have the right to the modern conveniences of daily life. You are not his slave, you have the right to your own opinions, and the right to live a happy life. You show him the number of hours he spends every evening on his phone, and throw back at him the "addiction" argument.

You conclude with saying that his controlling behavior is grounds for divorce.

I had such conversations with my husband, years ago, OP. He has Apserger's and OCD traits and did not seem to understand that what he was doing was tantamount to abuse. We had many fights, nearly divorced and saw a therapist, until he saw the light.

Next fight: the joint account!

If you can work a regular job, please do so. With our visa, I am not allowed to work, so I am still economically dependent on my husband. Obviously I did not imagine when we got married that he had these controlling tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Is this some part of La? Houston or Miami?

How do you have money to pay for it? My husband is controlling too but this is scary next level. He’s projecting.

[Anonymous]

He is definitely a Type A, control freak.

This is all just a power play for him.

I could/would not spend the rest of my good years w/someone who acts like my parent.

I have already been raised.
Do not let him isolate you.
You need to be able to connect w/others online or you may go crazy.
I know that I would!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP there is more here that you're not telling us. Impossible to give helpful advice because there are details we don't know.

Is he just being cheap? Is he always like this? Is he totally clueless in other areas?
What is your communication like in general?

Op here. I have explained to him that not having the internet is too isolating for me. It means that I also cannot watch tv at all. I have made it obvious that using internet in the lobby is not working for me but he simply doesn't care. He also gets upset if I use his phone to check my email because I do not have internet access on mine! Every morning and evening he sits on the sofa staring at his phone. It's like he's blind to what he has become. I pay for my own cell phone service because he's too cheap to add me onto his iPhone plan. He's has the latest iPhone.

How do you pay for your phone if you’re a SAHM? I’m confused about how you guys structure finances.

OMG you people are morons. Read, keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's controlling and emotionally abusive. Do you have family and/or friends in the area?

No. I have absolutely no one here. It's also not easy to make friends here because the majority of the population where I live isn't American. We live in the US but it feels like another country. It's all immigrants.

DP.. I was with you until this statement. Why can't you make friends with immigrants?

Get a job. Maybe you will get to know more immigrants and become friends with them.

I'm thinking your husband feels that since you aren't working at all, you don't get to have any money spent on non essentials. That's controlling, but, I have to say, your statement above turned me off, and I probably wouldn't be friends with you either.

--signed an immigrant who is "Americanized"

Op here. My husband is an immigrant. I have tons of immigrant friends. You would have to live here to truly understand. They’re nice to me but I will never truly fit in with them/ their culture. They’re not Americanized.

Where is “here”?

Where are you located?

Why does it matter? She lives in a heavily Hispanic town with lots of poverty. Probably the SW. Make something up. Pick one. Advice doesnt change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds very controlling and he's clearly trying to isolate you. That is often a red flag for abuse -- controlling leads to emotional abuse leads (sometimes) to physical abuse. Please be careful, OP. Can you run this by a family member or friend who loves you? What do they think of him?

Agree that these are huge red flags and indicate a much bigger problem than just not having internet.

[Anonymous]

Was he like this when you guys lived in DC? If not then you guys need to admit that El Paso or wherever isn’t working out as he’s getting mistreated in his own way and taking it out on you.

[Anonymous]

OP, in a modern world, this problem is in a same line of your husband not letting you work, or drive or wear dresses. You need internet.
He is saving money by not paying for daycare, remember that. Tell him that he is either going to provide you the internet or you'll get a job and pay for it yourself, but your relationship will be ruined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's controlling and emotionally abusive. Do you have family and/or friends in the area?

No. I have absolutely no one here. It's also not easy to make friends here because the majority of the population where I live isn't American. We live in the US but it feels like another country. It's all immigrants.

DP.. I was with you until this statement. Why can't you make friends with immigrants?

Get a job. Maybe you will get to know more immigrants and become friends with them.

I'm thinking your husband feels that since you aren't working at all, you don't get to have any money spent on non essentials. That's controlling, but, I have to say, your statement above turned me off, and I probably wouldn't be friends with you either.

--signed an immigrant who is "Americanized"

You need the internet. Your husband sounds controlling and there are some pretty big red flags you need to address if he refuses to pay for internet.

If you don't like the area you are living in perhaps you need to move. I'm not sure why you can't make friends with immigrants, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume they speak in other languages and you find it hard to connect. If it's because you don't like immigrants then that's extremely off putting to me.

I think you really need to think hard about where you want your life to go. Is your husband caring at all? If you have a child and need to look up doctors phone numbers or even just other child caring related matters like tips for better sleeping, you can't be walking down to the lobby whilst your child is sleeping. This isn't going to work.

I hate this board sometimes. NP. OP has answered the immigration “controversy” several times. Why don’t any of you ***read*** responses instead of launching into your smug little speeches?

OP, the script someone gave you on what to say is perfect. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's controlling and emotionally abusive. Do you have family and/or friends in the area?

No. I have absolutely no one here. It's also not easy to make friends here because the majority of the population where I live isn't American. We live in the US but it feels like another country. It's all immigrants.

DP.. I was with you until this statement. Why can't you make friends with immigrants?

Get a job. Maybe you will get to know more immigrants and become friends with them.

I'm thinking your husband feels that since you aren't working at all, you don't get to have any money spent on non essentials. That's controlling, but, I have to say, your statement above turned me off, and I probably wouldn't be friends with you either.

--signed an immigrant who is "Americanized"

Op here. My husband is an immigrant. I have tons of immigrant friends. You would have to live here to truly understand. They’re nice to me but I will never truly fit in with them/ their culture. They’re not Americanized.

Where is “here”?

Where are you located?

Sounds like she lives in Impossibleville: no NPR radio available, and the apartment lobby closes at 5pm. Never heard of or experienced either of those.

She’s posting for help, bitch. Are you proud of itself? You disgust me.

[Anonymous]

^ itself s/b yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, this should not be a matter for debate. You stay home to raise your child, he does not. He cannot dictate whether or not you have access to the world while home ALL DAY. Having internet in the lobby is insufficient.

To echo PP's, I suggest the following:

(1) Sit down and explain that you will be getting internet. Not only is it something he can decide, it is hypocritical because he has a smartphone.

(2) Get a smartphone. Not everyone has smartphones, of course, but there is no reason why HE should and you shouldn't.

(3) If this is part of a larger pattern, you need to address it head on. Given his controlling nature, I would really think long and hard about whether you want to be in a one-income household with such a person.

(4) Do some research to find mommy groups in the area with whom you can connect. Alternatively, try to start your own group. Leave DC with their dad for a few hours during the weekend and meet up with friends. All this is to say, make sure you are not isolated given your difficulties finding friends among your neighbors.

[Anonymous]

OP, why does your husband think you are addicted to the internet? Are you addicted to the internet?

[Anonymous]

All this vagueness in the post makes be think this is not real.