Why do the moms hand in cliques at the games/matches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know many women in my area who never had professions . Jobs yes, but they quickly quit once marriage and children came along. THere is a whole demographic out there like this and yes, I have been surprised to encounter it. Very affluent. Think Potomac.

Maybe it's the contempt seeping from this type of statement that puts others off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I'll throw this out there -- to all of you who recommend simply going up to someone frosty and saying "Hi!", I have found this does not work at all IF you are a physically unattractive person.

I am comfortable in my skin but I can say that I'm just not a good looking person, by U.S. standards. I am fat. My clothing, while clean and matching, is nothing impressive. Same for my shoes and bag. I have a basic face.

When I just saunter up to a new mom at school with a pleasant "Hi!", on many (but not all) occasions the woman on the other end has looked outright surprised. Then chilly or pained. There have been a couple of times since 9/2009 when the other mom appears just incredulous that she's standing there with ME.

I would simply chalk this up to poor all-around social skills, but then the next afternoon I see the same woman being plenty engaging with a brand-new, yet more conventionally attractive, mother. This does not happen to me much in the work wolrd, even during networking social hours or conferences.

This is horrible. I'm so sorry that you've had this experience. While I have not been snubbed to the same degree, I will say that when I showed up at my kid's old school in my standard garb - jeans, sneakers, and T-shirt - I did get a cold shoulder from some parents (the dressed-to-the-nines ones who apparently evaluate people largely on appearances). It is a depressing fact that some people can't get past how others look. But it's their loss, after all - the people I enjoy most are people who are, as you describe yourself, "comfortable in their own skin," regardless of size or clothing label. I'm sorry these dimwits have made you feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Hey 6:33-- I couldn't agree more! I'm overweight too, and work from home, so don't dress particularly well. I have exactly the same experience-- it feels like middle school. In fact, I lost 50 lbs last year, and had a much better social experience at DC's school. Then, gianed the weight back, and I'm back to square 1.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, Parisian poster here. Procrastinating on a Monday morning when work piles up and the sun beckons me outside is wonderful.
Unfortunately "appearances" are key to how people respond to you - somebody has to mention it, right? My ethnic minority Dad is always careful to dress impeccably and drive a scintillating car because he knows from experience that it makes a huge difference. Sad in 2009, but true.
For the weight thing - At my son's preschool, there is a mother who is overweight and usually comes dressed in sweats. Nobody else does. I can see that some of the slimmer and more Burburried/Guccied mothers are initially shy with her, but that mother has such an outgoing and pleasant personality that she makes friends with everyone. Like my Dad, she is probably aware that she has to combat stereotypes to make a good impression, but she's happy to just be herself, and it shows!

[Anonymous]

Parisian -- you have an upbeat attitude. That's nice.

I'm still trying to figure out why some people can't manage a simple "Hello" whether they like how the person looks or not.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like Landon. The mothers pile into cliques
according to their son's sports preferences. Odd.

[Anonymous]

PP -- the Landon & Holton moms can be one in the same. A pp said it was the Holton moms who were in the cliques too.

[Anonymous]

The Landon moms are the worst. A colder bunch of women you have never met. And the cliques!! There are usually one or two mothers who are friendly, but most of them are pretty pathetic. Fortunately, I've got lots of friends and plenty of self-esteem, so I actually find them amusing. Maybe it's a suburban thing; my other child is at private school in DC and the parents are much more down-to-earth.

[Anonymous]

PP, I would agree with your assessment.

[Anonymous]

I'm picking up a huge poor attitude about parents at both Landon and Holton. Maybe some of you are assuming attitudes about the people you see - and that may be part of the problem.

I have siblings at both schools and they mention how nice the parents are. One sibling is a real earth mama, complete with relaxed boho vibe, glasses and overweight against all the Gucci plaid. She is warm and kind - and very popular with the other moms. She totally doesn't fit in physically but her personality wins everyone over.

Awareness is a wonderful thing. Anyone at all, no matter their physical appearance, should take a critical look at themselves if they are not getting the response from others that they want. You may not be sending out the appropriate vibes.

[Anonymous]

always blame the wronged/injured/ignored party -- that's the way to go pp. I say hello to everyone -- so I'm not sending any "vibes" as you put it -- other than simple greetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:always blame the wronged/injured/ignored party -- that's the way to go pp.

That's not fair to PP. She just suggested that perhaps no one should make too many assumptions about what's going on in others' heads, and that perhaps you should take a close look at your own vibes. She did a good job at not being judgmental, and taking a constructive approach. She is not the one I see "blaming" anyone.

[Anonymous]

I now have children at Big 3 schools. The parents at those schools are friendly and the kids tend to not clique. The people are more diverse; perhaps the makes for a kinder atmosphere.
I do know first hand about Landon and I stick by my
previous post.

[Anonymous]

Someone wrote earlier that it must be a suburban thing. i agree. I went to a game at NCS -- the moms there were much nicer/welcoming than the Holton moms -- so I sat & talked to them.

[Anonymous]

Reeeeally silly to insinuate that once you cross that urban/suburban border, the parents are less-welcoming. Is there a test one takes upon moving from one of these areas into another - or do they just give you a pamphlet when you move into your home explaining how to behave?