Why do the moms hand in cliques at the games/matches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP -- I say hello to everyone. I also often get no reply even though I see these people every single school day. I find it really strange. I've been in DC for a long tme -- work people always speak. It's just these moms who fail to say hello. It's really rude.

Whoever replied "when in Rome" -- don't use that saying in this case. Romans are nice.

I totally agree with this. The moms don't, but in my professional life (and I worked in politics where you might think the pointy elbows were out) we always said hello and were cordial and god forbid even had drinks with folks on the other side of the aisle or an issue. I hate to say it, but sometimes I think these women just have never had a professional life and are very self absorbed.

I agree. They are limited in their perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP -- I say hello to everyone. I also often get no reply even though I see these people every single school day. I find it really strange. I've been in DC for a long tme -- work people always speak. It's just these moms who fail to say hello. It's really rude.

Whoever replied "when in Rome" -- don't use that saying in this case. Romans are nice.

I totally agree with this. The moms don't, but in my professional life (and I worked in politics where you might think the pointy elbows were out) we always said hello and were cordial and god forbid even had drinks with folks on the other side of the aisle or an issue. I hate to say it, but sometimes I think these women just have never had a professional life and are very self absorbed.

I agree. They are limited in their perspective.

I'm curious. What makes you think these women have "never had a professional life"? I personally don't think I know any women in the DC area who have kids in school right now and who have never had a professional life.

[Anonymous]

Hey, I worked in politics too and even my ardent adversaries manage a friendly "hello."

I can't comment on whether it's because the women haven't ever been professionals -- I don't know. It's just this really cliquish behavior that makes me feel bad. I never experienced that in school in the midwest(ever)!

For the person with PPD - hope you continue to feel better. Stay away from those moms. I just feel more relieved really knowing it's just not one school.

[Anonymous]

Wow another I hate the people that live in DC thread!! This just never gets old for some. I've lived here my whole life and for some reason can't find ALL these rude people that never say hi. Every morning I drop off and pick up my daughter I smile and say hi to the parents and receive an in kind greeting. I believe that if you walk around with the belief that everyone around you is rude and cold, you'll probably will see them every where. You also don't bother to pay attention to all the people that are nice because you firmly believe that "this is a DC area thing", when really it's all perception. Perception does shape experience. Doesn't anyone wonder if all these people from the midwest are walking around smiling at everyone and being friendly why they never run into each other? Or is because they're just on the look out for the meanies? There are a lot more nice people than there are rude meanies, just like every other area.

[Anonymous]

I'm an earlier poster PP -- I never said I hate the people who live in DC. I differentiated (and so did many others) between all of the work people who manage to say hello and the moms at the schools who don't. Maybe you're one of the ones who is in your own little group and fail to say hello to the outsiders since you say you don't notice it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived here my whole life and for some reason can't find ALL these rude people that never say hi. Every morning I drop off and pick up my daughter I smile and say hi to the parents and receive an in kind greeting. I believe that if you walk around with the belief that everyone around you is rude and cold, you'll probably will see them every where.

We are relatively recent transplants, but I agree completely. I'm also tired of the constantly offered reassurance that people you perceive as unfriendly must be insecure and unhappy. Really, who's more likely to be insecure and unhappy--the people just going about their lives or the people who complain about their unfriendliness online?

[Anonymous]

Some women like the previous poster are just cold.Try to find the queen bee in the group and say 'hi' to her. Once she says "hi" the others in her little group will follow suit. It's like middle school.

[Anonymous]

My son just graduated from a Big 3 and I dealt with this for years. Yuck. After awhile, I decided to just focus on my reason for being at an event and enjoy watching my child. I even chose to remove myself from the "mom clique" during the activities b/c I didn't want to stand there and discuss teachers, other parents, etc.

The entitlement and elitism in some of these schools is ridiculous. And my family is from Boston so it's not an East Coast thing.

One thought - you might actually ask your child's teacher (who is probably more like you) if there are any moms she thinks you might connect with. She knows all of the parents and could possibly pair you up on a volunteer mission or something with a down to earth mom. They exist - they're probably just flumoxed like you

[Anonymous]

This happens in the workplace too not just at school functions. If you really want to be friendly go over and introduce yourself and strike up a conversation about anything. People tend to hang out with people they're comfortable with. Check out the holiday parties in a few weeks. Step out your comfort zone a little.

Now if they don't allow you to "step inside" my bad......keep smiling and move it along.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone considered that many of these moms are simply shy or are not schooled in basic etiquette? I am amazed at how reticent most people are when it comes to introductions and getting to know others. Even at the potluck dinners, they all stand around, unsure of what to do. Modern times have made all people less socially-skilled.

Those who are able to comfortably walk up to someone, stick out their hand and say their name will always find friends.

[Anonymous]

Could any of them just be caught up in their own world? I have occasionally been accused of not saying hello to people, but I don't mean not to. I am just someone who is oblivious when she is not "on." When I'm taking little kids somewhere I'm usually running through a mental list and trying to plan my next activity. At work I'm in a different mode and part of that is being alert to what's going on around me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really friendly & from the midwest. We greet everyone. I've noticed at the sports outings/games/matches that a lot of the moms hang out together and don't welcome the new moms into the group. I'm talking about a prominent girl's school in Bethesda. Does anyone else experience this? It feels really odd.

I know of what you speak. I assume you're speakin of Holton. But what you say applies to most of the elite private schools. But I assure you, if the "new mom" is rich, beautiful, or connected, or married to someone who is, she'll be greeted and included right away.

[Anonymous]

A good friend of mine is absolutely beautiful, dresses very nicely, while not off-putting, is affluent and educated, and more over very kind and fun. She has a terrible time breaking into social groups at her kids schools. I think sometimes the women are jealous of her, and have told her so, but she feels sad just the same. Just a reminder not to judge anyone by their "cover"

[Anonymous]

16:35-- yes I was talking about Holton. It's very insular due to its remote suburban location and also because many of the moms & grandmas went to school there too. They don't welcome new blood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP -- I say hello to everyone. I also often get no reply even though I see these people every single school day. I find it really strange. I've been in DC for a long tme -- work people always speak. It's just these moms who fail to say hello. It's really rude.

Whoever replied "when in Rome" -- don't use that saying in this case. Romans are nice.

I totally agree with this. The moms don't, but in my professional life (and I worked in politics where you might think the pointy elbows were out) we always said hello and were cordial and god forbid even had drinks with folks on the other side of the aisle or an issue. I hate to say it, but sometimes I think these women just have never had a professional life and are very self absorbed.

I agree. They are limited in their perspective.

I'm curious. What makes you think these women have "never had a professional life"? I personally don't think I know any women in the DC area who have kids in school right now and who have never had a professional life.

The women at my child's school who turn volunteering into a full time job have told me - many of them - that they previously worked at jobs and didn't really have careers. If there's no passion in that area, then there's a void. So filing this time socializing with other mothers and volunteering day after day is what many of them do to fill that void.