How do you deal with kids fat shaming others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, not the boy harassing girl dynamic—-but, my 9 year old son is not fat, he’s just huge—foot taller than his peers, will probably be 6’8 or so. Anyway, he plays hockey and when he’s next to his teammates in his gear he looks like he has 50 pounds on the next biggest kid.

So, one of his teammates is a total shit and started calling my kid fat ass. So, we started addressing that kid and referring to that kid as “the kid who calls you fat ass.” Like, my son comes into the locker room and says, in front of everyone, “hello kid who calls me fat ass.” The kid is so embarassed he wants to die. And he has shut his nasty mouth.

Ha!!! This is great.

[Anonymous]

I would turn it around on him: Put him on the defensive. Have her practice saying this calmly. Her delivery is what will sell it.

“OMG. You are so obsessed with me. Listen, I’m sorry but I’m not interested. Move on.”

[insults]

“Im sorry you’re mad, but I don’t like you. Someday you’ll meet someone who likes you back... it’ll be okay!”

“You’re starting to act like a stalker. You should get help...”

With this strategy, the more he lashed out - the more it looks like he truly is obsessed with her and is mad that she rejected him. It also 100% gives her the moral high ground AND it’s a lot more humiliating to him than if she were to call him names. If the behavior continues, and she does need to get help from the school, they will take it much more seriously than if it’s just a case of kids calling each other names.

Bonus: She can laugh about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would use honey rather than vinegar for a comeback... (tilt head, look quizically at him).. "you must have a really really crappy home life.. I'm so sorry. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you." Walk away.

Yeah, that would work if this kid was a middle aged mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is bullying, and as the former fat girl I think you should go to the principal and counselor. It's not acceptable to fat shame even though it's widely accepted.

I wish I had great comebacks to suggest but I can tell you that it was very damaging to be teased so much about it when I was young, back before anyone really cared about bullying generally or fat shaming in particular.

+1

+1

And how disappointing that all of these responses have been about the bullied girl having to turn around and bully in turn. Get this to stop (not ignore it or call the kid fat/dumb/whatever else he's insecure about in return), its more damaging than you could ever imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would turn it around on him: Put him on the defensive. Have her practice saying this calmly. Her delivery is what will sell it.

“OMG. You are so obsessed with me. Listen, I’m sorry but I’m not interested. Move on.”

[insults]

“Im sorry you’re mad, but I don’t like you. Someday you’ll meet someone who likes you back... it’ll be okay!”

“You’re starting to act like a stalker. You should get help...”

With this strategy, the more he lashed out - the more it looks like he truly is obsessed with her and is mad that she rejected him. It also 100% gives her the moral high ground AND it’s a lot more humiliating to him than if she were to call him names. If the behavior continues, and she does need to get help from the school, they will take it much more seriously than if it’s just a case of kids calling each other names.

Bonus: She can laugh about it!

NO, I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is bullying, and as the former fat girl I think you should go to the principal and counselor. It's not acceptable to fat shame even though it's widely accepted.

I wish I had great comebacks to suggest but I can tell you that it was very damaging to be teased so much about it when I was young, back before anyone really cared about bullying generally or fat shaming in particular.

+1

+1

And how disappointing that all of these responses have been about the bullied girl having to turn around and bully in turn. Get this to stop (not ignore it or call the kid fat/dumb/whatever else he's insecure about in return), its more damaging than you could ever imagine.

+1. Is this really what you want your kid to learn? When you get hit, hit back harder? No way. I’m not saying you need to take it, but the posters who had ideas about brushing the kid off without insulting him gratuitously are the winners. I mean, “needle dick”? I know that in the real world we all want our kids to have skills to stand up to bullies everywhere, but I really think a kid this age will be better served diffusing this with casual dismissal (ie amused disdain or outright disgusted disdain) and then work on their self esteem with you, rather than getting j to the gutter with the bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is bullying, and as the former fat girl I think you should go to the principal and counselor. It's not acceptable to fat shame even though it's widely accepted.

I wish I had great comebacks to suggest but I can tell you that it was very damaging to be teased so much about it when I was young, back before anyone really cared about bullying generally or fat shaming in particular.

+1

+1

And how disappointing that all of these responses have been about the bullied girl having to turn around and bully in turn. Get this to stop (not ignore it or call the kid fat/dumb/whatever else he's insecure about in return), its more damaging than you could ever imagine.

+1. Is this really what you want your kid to learn? When you get hit, hit back harder? No way. I’m not saying you need to take it, but the posters who had ideas about brushing the kid off without insulting him gratuitously are the winners. I mean, “needle dick”? I know that in the real world we all want our kids to have skills to stand up to bullies everywhere, but I really think a kid this age will be better served diffusing this with casual dismissal (ie amused disdain or outright disgusted disdain) and then work on their self esteem with you, rather than getting j to the gutter with the bully.

Yes, I want my kids to be able to take it to the gutter if that’s where they need to take it. You do realize this behavior exists in adult relationships too, right? Ever have a workplace bully? It’s the same idea of recognizing quickly when someone’s messing with you and making it known you will not be a target. I consider it a life skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would turn it around on him: Put him on the defensive. Have her practice saying this calmly. Her delivery is what will sell it.

“OMG. You are so obsessed with me. Listen, I’m sorry but I’m not interested. Move on.”

[insults]

“Im sorry you’re mad, but I don’t like you. Someday you’ll meet someone who likes you back... it’ll be okay!”

“You’re starting to act like a stalker. You should get help...”

With this strategy, the more he lashed out - the more it looks like he truly is obsessed with her and is mad that she rejected him. It also 100% gives her the moral high ground AND it’s a lot more humiliating to him than if she were to call him names. If the behavior continues, and she does need to get help from the school, they will take it much more seriously than if it’s just a case of kids calling each other names.

Bonus: She can laugh about it!

NO, I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!

Ha! It also changes the narrative. Instead of her saying he’s calling her fat it becomes “He’s so obsessed with me he can’t get over it!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would use honey rather than vinegar for a comeback... (tilt head, look quizically at him).. "you must have a really really crappy home life.. I'm so sorry. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you." Walk away.

Yeah, that would work if this kid was a middle aged mom.

Got it, lady. Nothing ever works on bullies except losing weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is bullying, and as the former fat girl I think you should go to the principal and counselor. It's not acceptable to fat shame even though it's widely accepted.

I wish I had great comebacks to suggest but I can tell you that it was very damaging to be teased so much about it when I was young, back before anyone really cared about bullying generally or fat shaming in particular.

+1

+1

And how disappointing that all of these responses have been about the bullied girl having to turn around and bully in turn. Get this to stop (not ignore it or call the kid fat/dumb/whatever else he's insecure about in return), its more damaging than you could ever imagine.

+1. Is this really what you want your kid to learn? When you get hit, hit back harder? No way. I’m not saying you need to take it, but the posters who had ideas about brushing the kid off without insulting him gratuitously are the winners. I mean, “needle dick”? I know that in the real world we all want our kids to have skills to stand up to bullies everywhere, but I really think a kid this age will be better served diffusing this with casual dismissal (ie amused disdain or outright disgusted disdain) and then work on their self esteem with you, rather than getting j to the gutter with the bully.

Yes, I want my kids to be able to take it to the gutter if that’s where they need to take it. You do realize this behavior exists in adult relationships too, right? Ever have a workplace bully? It’s the same idea of recognizing quickly when someone’s messing with you and making it known you will not be a target. I consider it a life skill.

Absolutely right. When bullies come across someone who know how to leverage their’ weak points, they quickly move on.