Why do some women have a hard time accepting a guy didn’t want to marry them?

[Anonymous]

So many inaccurate assumptions. Truth is, you will never know why someone else’s relationship does or does not work- unless you are actually in that relationship, which you are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because mofos will sit up your couch, lay in the V and waste your time then ring up the next women in two weeks.

I laughed. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Male or female, it would be hard for anyone to be with a partner who was supposedly conflicted about marriage (to you), who then suddenly marries the next new partner. Or they never wanted kids (with you) and suddenly have kids with new partner. Or they refused to (x) with you - and then do it with a new partner.

[Anonymous]

Maybe their big egos can't handle rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many inaccurate assumptions. Truth is, you will never know why someone else’s relationship does or does not work- unless you are actually in that relationship, which you are not.

And even if you are in the relationship, you don’t always understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So you are assume that a dumped attractive woman was not good in bed, high maintenance and delusional? What if they weren’t any of those things? Maybe the guy just wanted to take the safe route and marry a plainer, more mommish/wifeish looking woman.

Its been said on this board before but plain isn't really a concept that means much to men. Its a criticism women use for any woman who doesn't live up to her own notions of how women should look. If she's got a good figure and a cute face, most men are good with that. And if she's nurturing, kind and maternal? Those would be the qualities you want in the mother of your kids so...

If a guy didn't want you, it's because he didn't see the future with you in it. For any of the reasons I already listed in previous posts.

I was “kind, nurturing” and I had a beautiful face and a killer body, but my ex dumped me and married a heavy set woman with a mom bob. WTF?

PP, you have a distorted sense of reality. It cannot possibly be true that you are the total package as you claim to be, and that he would have dumped you for a mom bob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the guy proposes, but the female might be in college - not turning him down entirely, but wanting to wait. Then, when graduation comes, and they have grown - they might still be in love, but realize their relationship isn’t practical, long term.

I have friend who was proposed to three times, but I don’t begrudge her for it - she has a magnetic personality, people like her. Except the occasional really bitchy, sour, bitter woman.

I was proposed to four times by long-term boyfriends (year or more). Only considered one seriously. Not entirely sure why I attract the kind who want to commit. I'm your typical DCUM over-educated self-absorbed feminist.

I'm guessing they were closeted gays looking for a beard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a guy’s perspective, my wife of six years often talks about guys who didn’t propose to her and wonders why.

Maybe she isn’t good in bed.

[Anonymous]

I think rejection is hard and we want to know why (human nature .) Just like when we don’t get the job. Candidates are told they are great, etc but someone else just had a bit more experience/whatever. But it really is just the X factor or chemistry or intuition at a base level.

As a female, I do think if a man wants to be with you they will. End stop. Every reason why they can’t is just an excuse and you are not the one ( for them!) Don’t cry, plead, persuade, ask for reasons or understanding. I tell my 20 something daughters and nieces never try and convince someone to be your friend, date you or stay with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

Sorry not buying it. If you want to get married and the guy you are with isn’t marrying you then you leave. No one can make you stay for 10 years. Take responsibility for your life.

This didn't happen to me but did happen to my cousin. She started dating a man and then after a year they moved in together and continued living together. He was telling her all the right things and because she wanted to marry him, she waited. One day he up and left. She was confused because what he said was completely opposite to what he was feeling. She was early 30's by the time he left. She met up with an old friend that had been interested in her but she refused to date. She dated him a couple of months, got engaged and married him. They now have three children. Everyone can see she wasn't really in love with him but was scared her fertility was running out. They are still together and have made it work and seem happy together.

Another co-worker is coming up to five years with her boyfriend. Same thing, they are living together, even bought a house together but he won't propose. She desperately wants to be married and start a family.

I think people get caught up in the relationship and they are hearing positive things from their partner and they believe it not realising that the guy is just stringing them along, that he isn't completely sure and by the time he works it out five years has passed by.

+1

Your age is a surprise to you OP?

[Anonymous]

Who cares? Why must women shit on each other?

[Anonymous]

Because how could anyone ever reject me?

[Anonymous]

They were just stringing the woman along, as long as they thought she would stay. And keep on telling her they love her, the woman has her best years invested in the relationship and doesn't want to "lose" those years. Usually the woman has to break it off. I know I lived through that.

On the plus side, I found someone else who did want to be married and broke up with my boyfriend who refused to commit after 5 years of dating. After mid 20s don't waste more than a year on these types of guys, I learned the hard way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Clearly some people don’t get it. This is the love of your life and you are partners. Maybe you don’t know if marriage is a deal breaker yet, maybe you’ve frozen your eggs but still aren’t sure about kids. Maybe you’re not even sure if you’re making compromises, but for the time being you’re happy. Marriage isn’t the be all end all. It doesn’t really matter why always, but as an outsider it’s sooooo easy to look in on another’s relationship and criticize why their timing is off or how she “didn’t take responsibility.” Have some creativity, geez.

But you do need to take responsibility for your choices - I think that is a fair criticism. If you stay with someone that doesn’t want what you want in life and they have some control over that decision, you are making a choice that you are willing to give that up for that person. You may regret in in hindsight but it is a choice that you made. If you don’t know what you want and you are with someone that person doesn’t know either - you take the chance that when one of you has definite ideas if it doesn’t matches the other, you break up because of those changes.