Why do some women have a hard time accepting a guy didn’t want to marry them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Massive egos not wanting to accept rejection? Combine that with feeling lead on and you get all kinds of rationalizing to feel better about wasted time.

Lol yeah right about massive egos. In my experience, it’s the woman left feeling so deflated and unsure of herself that it takes years sometimes to heal from the wounds of having your best friend leave you. It’s not rationalizing and it’s not “wasted time.” It’s hurt and pain and grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

+1

My experience w/ friends exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

Sorry not buying it. If you want to get married and the guy you are with isn’t marrying you then you leave. No one can make you stay for 10 years. Take responsibility for your life.

+1

Your age is a surprise to you OP?

Clearly some people don’t get it. This is the love of your life and you are partners. Maybe you don’t know if marriage is a deal breaker yet, maybe you’ve frozen your eggs but still aren’t sure about kids. Maybe you’re not even sure if you’re making compromises, but for the time being you’re happy. Marriage isn’t the be all end all. It doesn’t really matter why always, but as an outsider it’s sooooo easy to look in on another’s relationship and criticize why their timing is off or how she “didn’t take responsibility.” Have some creativity, geez.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, but any woman’s ego takes a hit when some guy dumps her and marries a much less attractive woman. If they are more attractive or more dynamic in some way, it still hurts, but it’s more understandable. But why do so many guys downgrade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, well in my experience it's because the guy took 5+ years to figure out she wasn't the one, but also spoke about "eventually getting married" to keep her from leaving. So she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable, doesn't have the opportunity to date other men, and invests time and energy only to discover that he really didn't care about her enough to let her go.

Has nothing to do with the question asked.

Yes it does. If a guy or girl (I've seen both) pretends like they want to marry you for five years then leaves, that's gonna be hard to accept and legit grounds for resentment. Just like someone saying they are going to give you a job offer, so you turn down other job offers, only to have them back out for no new reason. And btw it's truly shitty to do this to a woman or man in their waning fertile years-34-40. I would put it right up there with cheating, frankly. Completely selfish and narcissistic. Hasn't happened to me but has happened to good female and male friends. They were scarred. Moving in together too soon can lead to this bad inertia, I think, even though I was guilty of this too and just got lucky.

Sorry not buying it. If you want to get married and the guy you are with isn’t marrying you then you leave. No one can make you stay for 10 years. Take responsibility for your life.

+1

Your age is a surprise to you OP?

Clearly some people don’t get it. This is the love of your life and you are partners. Maybe you don’t know if marriage is a deal breaker yet, maybe you’ve frozen your eggs but still aren’t sure about kids. Maybe you’re not even sure if you’re making compromises, but for the time being you’re happy. Marriage isn’t the be all end all. It doesn’t really matter why always, but as an outsider it’s sooooo easy to look in on another’s relationship and criticize why their timing is off or how she “didn’t take responsibility.” Have some creativity, geez.

This.
It’s really hard to break up with someone that you want to marry. Particularly when nothing happened, and there are no major issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women stand at closed doors for much too long.

Ding ding ding ding ding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but any woman’s ego takes a hit when some guy dumps her and marries a much less attractive woman. If they are more attractive or more dynamic in some way, it still hurts, but it’s more understandable. But why do so many guys downgrade?

Your opinion of a downgrade might not be shared by men at large. The whole "I'm prettier and therefore I deserve..." attitude will be trumped by a cute woman who isn't delusional/rude/entitled/high maintenance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but any woman’s ego takes a hit when some guy dumps her and marries a much less attractive woman. If they are more attractive or more dynamic in some way, it still hurts, but it’s more understandable. But why do so many guys downgrade?

Your opinion of a downgrade might not be shared by men at large. The whole "I'm prettier and therefore I deserve..." attitude will be trumped by a cute woman who isn't delusional/rude/entitled/high maintenance

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but any woman’s ego takes a hit when some guy dumps her and marries a much less attractive woman. If they are more attractive or more dynamic in some way, it still hurts, but it’s more understandable. But why do so many guys downgrade?

There are attractive women who are not good in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but any woman’s ego takes a hit when some guy dumps her and marries a much less attractive woman. If they are more attractive or more dynamic in some way, it still hurts, but it’s more understandable. But why do so many guys downgrade?

There are attractive women who are not good in bed.

So you are assume that a dumped attractive woman was not good in bed, high maintenance and delusional? What if they weren’t any of those things? Maybe the guy just wanted to take the safe route and marry a plainer, more mommish/wifeish looking woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a guy’s perspective, my wife of six years often talks about guys who didn’t propose to her and wonders why.

That's weird.

Why is she spending so much time daydreaming about her exes?

[Anonymous]

Another answer to the OP's question is that people often get involved with other people who just aren't right for them but then the relationships just linger on for years. People of both sexes are very hesitant to commit, so it's easier to just rely on inertia to stay in a dead end relationship for too long. A better question would be "Why did I stay with him for so long when it was pretty obvious that the relationship was heading towards marriage?" That's something that should be pretty obvious within a year or so. Yet women stay in these years or decades long relationships and when it finally ends for some reason or other, complain "Wahhhh!!!! I wanted to get married!!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So you are assume that a dumped attractive woman was not good in bed, high maintenance and delusional? What if they weren’t any of those things? Maybe the guy just wanted to take the safe route and marry a plainer, more mommish/wifeish looking woman.

Its been said on this board before but plain isn't really a concept that means much to men. Its a criticism women use for any woman who doesn't live up to her own notions of how women should look. If she's got a good figure and a cute face, most men are good with that. And if she's nurturing, kind and maternal? Those would be the qualities you want in the mother of your kids so...

If a guy didn't want you, it's because he didn't see the future with you in it. For any of the reasons I already listed in previous posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So you are assume that a dumped attractive woman was not good in bed, high maintenance and delusional? What if they weren’t any of those things? Maybe the guy just wanted to take the safe route and marry a plainer, more mommish/wifeish looking woman.

Its been said on this board before but plain isn't really a concept that means much to men. Its a criticism women use for any woman who doesn't live up to her own notions of how women should look. If she's got a good figure and a cute face, most men are good with that. And if she's nurturing, kind and maternal? Those would be the qualities you want in the mother of your kids so...

If a guy didn't want you, it's because he didn't see the future with you in it. For any of the reasons I already listed in previous posts.

I was “kind, nurturing” and I had a beautiful face and a killer body, but my ex dumped me and married a heavy set woman with a mom bob. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So you are assume that a dumped attractive woman was not good in bed, high maintenance and delusional? What if they weren’t any of those things? Maybe the guy just wanted to take the safe route and marry a plainer, more mommish/wifeish looking woman.

Its been said on this board before but plain isn't really a concept that means much to men. Its a criticism women use for any woman who doesn't live up to her own notions of how women should look. If she's got a good figure and a cute face, most men are good with that. And if she's nurturing, kind and maternal? Those would be the qualities you want in the mother of your kids so...

If a guy didn't want you, it's because he didn't see the future with you in it. For any of the reasons I already listed in previous posts.

I was “kind, nurturing” and I had a beautiful face and a killer body, but my ex dumped me and married a heavy set woman with a mom bob. WTF?

He likes how he feels when he is with her better than how he felt with you. Looks are only part of the equation and not the most important part. Your ex isn't shallow, and it says something good about you that you liked each other even if it didn't end in marriage.