Would you want to know if your spouse was having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here:
If my DW had a one-time fling, I wouldn’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. She can make it up to me with unexpected dirty sex, if she needs to assuage her guilt. I’ve already told my DW all of this.

If my DW was having a serious long-term affair and was in love with someone else, then yes, I’d want to know. I would want to be able to move on with my life.

Here’s my advice to people who may occasionally make a mistake: don’t get caught. Don’t blow up your spouse’s life. Don’t rope in any mutual friends or acquaintances, either as a sexual partner or as a witness to you out on the town with someone else. Don’t advertise yourself on dating apps. And don’t bring anything home with you.

Basically, protect your spouse’s health and reputation at all costs. The best way to do that is not to cheat. But slipping up is waaaaaay more common than any of us realize.

Man here, exactly what I would have written. Plus 1

I’m a woman and I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

News to "man here":

You cannot protect your wife's health if you are having an affair or even a one night stand. You can easily contract and give her herpes, the gift that never stops giving, without realizing it and without having been informed by the apparently symptom free affair partner. Don't kid yourself about this, many people can verify what I'm saying.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely want to know for health reasons. Even a one night stand could put my health at risk. I would want to get tested immediately and would certainly not put myself at risk by sleeping with somebody who was putting themselves at risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter if the person is a stay at home wife? I feel like I need to tell her. No it’s no me or my husband nor will it effect me in any way. I just feel so bad for this person and her husband is a dirtbag for doing this.

Why would a SAHM deserve to know more than a WOHM? Seems like all women deserve a loyal spouse, regardless of where they work.

But recently I had to fend off a man married to a SAHM. I felt so bad for her, like she really has nothing but him and their kids, so she must trust him so much. Made me sick to my stomach. So I get it, but still. No wives are more equal to other wives.

With all due respect, you don’t know dick about her. And like your job is gonna keep you warm at night. Lol

Huh? pp is right, that woman is in a fake marriage, but pp should let her know. That SAHM has her kids, she has a lot right there. You're saying that woman should put up with a cheater just to keep warm at night? Maybe she has a cat or dog. Having a man shouldn't be anyones end goal in life. To the extent you describe, it's unhealthy. Difficult to say, also possible the wife knows he's no good but cares about keeping the family under one roof. Honestly, if i married someone like that I'd hope for a banana peel.

PP let her know in some way, you need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter if the person is a stay at home wife? I feel like I need to tell her. No it’s no me or my husband nor will it effect me in any way. I just feel so bad for this person and her husband is a dirtbag for doing this.

Why would a SAHM deserve to know more than a WOHM? Seems like all women deserve a loyal spouse, regardless of where they work.

But recently I had to fend off a man married to a SAHM. I felt so bad for her, like she really has nothing but him and their kids, so she must trust him so much. Made me sick to my stomach. So I get it, but still. No wives are more equal to other wives.

With all due respect, you don’t know dick about her. And like your job is gonna keep you warm at night. Lol

Huh? pp is right, that woman is in a fake marriage, but pp should let her know. That SAHM has her kids, she has a lot right there. You're saying that woman should put up with a cheater just to keep warm at night? Maybe she has a cat or dog. Having a man shouldn't be anyones end goal in life. To the extent you describe, it's unhealthy. Difficult to say, also possible the wife knows he's no good but cares about keeping the family under one roof. Honestly, if i married someone like that I'd hope for a banana peel.

PP let her know in some way, you need to.

I was taking issue with her statement insinuating that SAHMs have nothing but their husband and kids. it’s misogynistic and hateful. PP likely doesn’t know the woman at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on if you actually know there is an affair or if you are spreading gossip.

My STBXW had a extra marital affair with a married partner and I caught them without her knowing. I just had to because after 10 years of marriage and two kids, I deserved to know and close that chapter of my life. Unfortunately, my STBXW still denies she is having an affair and plays the innocent card. As the story goes, karma will come around.

How did you find out?[/quote

Sad but I hired a private investigator. I knew some thing was not right so I had her follwed. She told me she was going to watch a game with her girlfriend at a bar and stay over her house. The PI called me to tell me where she was and what she was doing. I drove at the bar and saw her making out. I left and then the PI showed me pictures and audio of my STBXWs infidelity. It was devastating but I had to know.

[Anonymous]

I am 99.9% sure that my DH would never have an affair or a one night stand. He is too loyal and too good of a person. I am not as certain that he would not pay for sex because he is an animal when it’s about sex, wants it all the time and he has done it before (a couple of times) with his ex wife. He travels often and those are the times that I worry. I am pretty sure he has never done while with me, but I ask to talk to him every night before he goes to bed to make sure... it can still happen I know...

Would I want to know? I would be really disgusted, probably would not divorce him (we have 2 almost 3 kids), but our relationship would change for while at the very minimum. I would be scared of STDs...

[Anonymous]

I would want to know. Not that it wouldn’t hurt but I can handle the truth.

[Anonymous]

As a single women who has gone on more than a couple of dates with married men, and was shocked when I found out, i would never tell. I IMMEDIATELY END THE RELATIONSHIP; most don't get past the first date since I use mylife.com, pipl.com, Facebook, zabasearch, and others to do a little sleuthing. It pushes me off to waste an evening on a married fool.

Why would I tell you that your husband is a nasty jacka$@? He is your problem. Most single guys keep themselves clean and are adamant about condom usage. It's the guys that not not used to wearing condoms in their permanent relationships that are the biggest risk for stds, hence married men. They also frequent prostitutes and webcam girls more too.

Why would I want to waste my time informing someone that their husband is cheating when I have just wasted an entire date on someone. Believe the signs when you see them.

[Anonymous]

I would not want it to get to this point. Instead, I would rather have a conversation with my partner so that we can once and for all decide that monogamy over decades is not what humans are designed for and then agree on rules for how we go about scratching the itch.

[Anonymous]

I would want to know. Maybe we could work things out depending on the situation, maybe not. Either way I would want to know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter if the person is a stay at home wife? I feel like I need to tell her. No it’s no me or my husband nor will it effect me in any way. I just feel so bad for this person and her husband is a dirtbag for doing this.

Why would a SAHM deserve to know more than a WOHM? Seems like all women deserve a loyal spouse, regardless of where they work.

But recently I had to fend off a man married to a SAHM. I felt so bad for her, like she really has nothing but him and their kids, so she must trust him so much. Made me sick to my stomach. So I get it, but still. No wives are more equal to other wives.

She has nothing but him and her kids because she doesn’t work? That very judgmental and insulting.

Unless I was very close to the person being cheated on, I would mind my own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not want it to get to this point. Instead, I would rather have a conversation with my partner so that we can once and for all decide that monogamy over decades is not what humans are designed for and then agree on rules for how we go about scratching the itch.

Just stop with the open marriage diatribe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a single women who has gone on more than a couple of dates with married men, and was shocked when I found out, i would never tell. I IMMEDIATELY END THE RELATIONSHIP; most don't get past the first date since I use mylife.com, pipl.com, Facebook, zabasearch, and others to do a little sleuthing. It pushes me off to waste an evening on a married fool.

Why would I tell you that your husband is a nasty jacka$@? He is your problem. Most single guys keep themselves clean and are adamant about condom usage. It's the guys that not not used to wearing condoms in their permanent relationships that are the biggest risk for stds, hence married men. They also frequent prostitutes and webcam girls more too.

Why would I want to waste my time informing someone that their husband is cheating when I have just wasted an entire date on someone. Believe the signs when you see them.

OP flew right over your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a single women who has gone on more than a couple of dates with married men, and was shocked when I found out, i would never tell. I IMMEDIATELY END THE RELATIONSHIP; most don't get past the first date since I use mylife.com, pipl.com, Facebook, zabasearch, and others to do a little sleuthing. It pushes me off to waste an evening on a married fool.

Why would I tell you that your husband is a nasty jacka$@? He is your problem. Most single guys keep themselves clean and are adamant about condom usage. It's the guys that not not used to wearing condoms in their permanent relationships that are the biggest risk for stds, hence married men. They also frequent prostitutes and webcam girls more too.

Why would I want to waste my time informing someone that their husband is cheating when I have just wasted an entire date on someone. Believe the signs when you see them.

OP flew right over your head.

And that is why she is single....