Would you want to know if your spouse was having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here:
If my DW had a one-time fling, I wouldn’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. She can make it up to me with unexpected dirty sex, if she needs to assuage her guilt. I’ve already told my DW all of this.

If my DW was having a serious long-term affair and was in love with someone else, then yes, I’d want to know. I would want to be able to move on with my life.

Here’s my advice to people who may occasionally make a mistake: don’t get caught. Don’t blow up your spouse’s life. Don’t rope in any mutual friends or acquaintances, either as a sexual partner or as a witness to you out on the town with someone else. Don’t advertise yourself on dating apps. And don’t bring anything home with you.

Basically, protect your spouse’s health and reputation at all costs. The best way to do that is not to cheat. But slipping up is waaaaaay more common than any of us realize.

Man here, exactly what I would have written. Plus 1

Saying this to your wife isn’t a license to cheat, guys.
Your wife thinks you are joking here - guaranteed.
Get a clue guys.

[Anonymous]

One night stand, get tested, don't tell. Don't do it again.

Ongoing affair? I want to know.

--Dw here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on if you actually know there is an affair or if you are spreading gossip.

My STBXW had a extra marital affair with a married partner and I caught them without her knowing. I just had to because after 10 years of marriage and two kids, I deserved to know and close that chapter of my life. Unfortunately, my STBXW still denies she is having an affair and plays the innocent card. As the story goes, karma will come around.

How did you find out?

[Anonymous]

I would not want to know. He can keep his guilt and if he tells to me it seems he is saying at least a part of him wants to be with this person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on if you actually know there is an affair or if you are spreading gossip.

My STBXW had a extra marital affair with a married partner and I caught them without her knowing. I just had to because after 10 years of marriage and two kids, I deserved to know and close that chapter of my life. Unfortunately, my STBXW still denies she is having an affair and plays the innocent card. As the story goes, karma will come around.

Ok. Then it sounds like you know for sure, and are not just spreading gossip.

A former colleague thought two other former colleagues were having an affair (but had no real proof). She called both spouses and told them. A shitshow ensued. In that case, I don’t think it was appropriate to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on if you actually know there is an affair or if you are spreading gossip.

My STBXW had a extra marital affair with a married partner and I caught them without her knowing. I just had to because after 10 years of marriage and two kids, I deserved to know and close that chapter of my life. Unfortunately, my STBXW still denies she is having an affair and plays the innocent card. As the story goes, karma will come around.

That's dumb especially after you caught her. I'm betting her Karma is coming around because you're divorcing her, probably the other guy doesn't want her as well, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to know in any scenario. And anybody who knew and chose not to tell me is immediately dead to me.

DH here: +1. I might be able to forgive the sex, depending on next steps, but I could never forgive the cover-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here:
If my DW had a one-time fling, I wouldn’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. She can make it up to me with unexpected dirty sex, if she needs to assuage her guilt. I’ve already told my DW all of this.

If my DW was having a serious long-term affair and was in love with someone else, then yes, I’d want to know. I would want to be able to move on with my life.

Here’s my advice to people who may occasionally make a mistake: don’t get caught. Don’t blow up your spouse’s life. Don’t rope in any mutual friends or acquaintances, either as a sexual partner or as a witness to you out on the town with someone else. Don’t advertise yourself on dating apps. And don’t bring anything home with you.

Basically, protect your spouse’s health and reputation at all costs. The best way to do that is not to cheat. But slipping up is waaaaaay more common than any of us realize.

Woman here, happily married for 28 years. I agree with all of this.

I am 52 years old. I like my life, my DH, our family, our home. I'm happy, he appears to be happy, he treats me well. I don't think he is cheating on me or has in the past. You think I want to throw all this away because DH has a fling? Jesus, what a waste of a good situation that would be. (And yes, I WOH and make enough money to support myself.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truthfully? Would you want someone to tell you?

No. Because I am hot tempered and it will end in murder and mayhem instead of divorce. So it is best that no one tells me anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here:
If my DW had a one-time fling, I wouldn’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. She can make it up to me with unexpected dirty sex, if she needs to assuage her guilt. I’ve already told my DW all of this.

If my DW was having a serious long-term affair and was in love with someone else, then yes, I’d want to know. I would want to be able to move on with my life.

Here’s my advice to people who may occasionally make a mistake: don’t get caught. Don’t blow up your spouse’s life. Don’t rope in any mutual friends or acquaintances, either as a sexual partner or as a witness to you out on the town with someone else. Don’t advertise yourself on dating apps. And don’t bring anything home with you.

Basically, protect your spouse’s health and reputation at all costs. The best way to do that is not to cheat. But slipping up is waaaaaay more common than any of us realize.

Woman here, happily married for 28 years. I agree with all of this.

I am 52 years old. I like my life, my DH, our family, our home. I'm happy, he appears to be happy, he treats me well. I don't think he is cheating on me or has in the past. You think I want to throw all this away because DH has a fling? Jesus, what a waste of a good situation that would be. (And yes, I WOH and make enough money to support myself.)

SAHM, yes, I would. You aren't as happy as you appear if your husband is having an affair. Yes, I would throw it all away as he doesn't love me and it sets a bad example for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Forewarned is forearmed. She can get her financial house in order and make a plan.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I would want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter if the person is a stay at home wife? I feel like I need to tell her. No it’s no me or my husband nor will it effect me in any way. I just feel so bad for this person and her husband is a dirtbag for doing this.

Why would a SAHM deserve to know more than a WOHM? Seems like all women deserve a loyal spouse, regardless of where they work.

But recently I had to fend off a man married to a SAHM. I felt so bad for her, like she really has nothing but him and their kids, so she must trust him so much. Made me sick to my stomach. So I get it, but still. No wives are more equal to other wives.

With all due respect, you don’t know dick about her. And like your job is gonna keep you warm at night. Lol

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife wouldn't have been able to hide it forever, so I'm glad I found out when it was happening instead of years down the road.

But if there was a chance that I never would've found out? My emotional life would've been a hell of a lot easier, but other than that I think my life is much better since we split up. Either way...yeah, I'd want to know.

[Anonymous]

Yes, so I wouldn’t feel so bad about the numerous affairs I’ve had over the years.