Would you send your 8-year-old to boarding school?

[Anonymous]

No but you are asking a bunch of yanks. I bet rich Brits would say of course. Who knows maybe they’ll meet a prince

[Anonymous]

Age eight was common in older generations in the UK. Now they often stay home until finishing the equivalent of sixth grade. Joining any later than this will be hard on all but the most socially adept kids.
The UK public schools (private in American lingo) are excellent and allow families to just enjoy each other on school holidays and weekends, with no concerns about homework, college admissions, etc.
I went at age eight and loved it and was very close to my parents until they died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of parent sends their kid away to be raised by strangers at the age when they are most like to value your input and guidance?

Parents who hate their kids, or are indifferent to them.

Americans seem to have this attitude. It's not anywhere close to the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is from the UK and has three siblings. He and all of his siblings went to boarding school from the age of 8 (grade 3) till they were 18. That’s 10 years in boarding school. He and his brothers and one sister really enjoyed their experience. One sister did not and endured a lot of bullying and I suspect she was molested at boarding school while she was young. This seems to be a sore spot for his family and everyone will deny it happened. The sister is not sending her two kids (girl, 6 and boy, 9 ) to boarding school and it’s made MIL and FIL parents very upset since they offered to pay. I completely support her decision and DH mentioned her like our children to go to boarding school and I am absolutely against this. Our girls are young (2) and we plan on having a third but the idea of them not living at home with me doesn’t register. He wants them to go to the same boarding school their cousins attend in England but is willing to wait until they’re 10 or 11. I still don’t want to be away from my children that age, and so far.

We did discuss this before having children and I was on the fence but now that I have children I just can’t imagine sending them to boarding school as young children.

It’s a cultural issue for sure. I had a very hard time adjusting to college dorm life at 18 and ended up moving back. I did finish my degree but at a local school, and moved away at 22 for my MBA and did fine. DH thinks “the cord should be cut” at an earlier age to avoid situations like mine. I just think that’s so young, what would you do?

Not at 8 years of age. Not comfortable for me even at high school age but, if it was the right kid maybe. Tell DH should have married another Brit who believed in boarding school if he felt that strongly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of parent sends their kid away to be raised by strangers at the age when they are most like to value your input and guidance?

Parents who hate their kids, or are indifferent to them.

Americans seem to have this attitude. It's not anywhere close to the truth.

I can see for high school, even maybe jr. high, but to send an 8-12 year old away when they still need their parents/nurturing is a bit extreme. They may love their kids but they don't want to parent them or have the full-time responsibilities. Boarding schools look much cheaper online in the UK so that may be a reason too. A very involved parent isn't going to send their 8 year old away.

[Anonymous]

No, not at 8. For upper school, yes.

I am a teacher at a boarding school in England, and in addition to my classes, I live on campus and am a house tutor in one of our dorms, so I have a pretty good idea of the benefits and drawbacks. I wouldn't put my own child into boarding school at 8, but it is a wonderful, supportive environment for older students.

[Anonymous]

No. Just no. We tried it for HS with ours, and biggest parenting mistake ever. Do not do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. I would divorce over this.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of parent sends their kid away to be raised by strangers at the age when they are most like to value your input and guidance?

Parents who hate their kids, or are indifferent to them.

Americans seem to have this attitude. It's not anywhere close to the truth.

Sorry, but why have kids if you’re going to send them away at 8?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Just no. We tried it for HS with ours, and biggest parenting mistake ever. Do not do it.

Could you tell us more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of parent sends their kid away to be raised by strangers at the age when they are most like to value your input and guidance?

Parents who hate their kids, or are indifferent to them.

Americans seem to have this attitude. It's not anywhere close to the truth.

Perhaps not in Britain but definitely in the US.

[Anonymous]

No. Gee. This is almost like arguing over religion for the kids--maybe worse.

I remember meeting a woman at some athletic event for my kid. She was getting ready to send her 7th grade girl off to boarding school. She didn't strike me as a wealthy elite and I was stunned that anyone would do that. She explained that she had gone to boarding school, as well.

I do know someone who did this when her child was in high school--I think it was because the local school was not working well for him--but that is a long way from 8 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of parent sends their kid away to be raised by strangers at the age when they are most like to value your input and guidance?

Parents who hate their kids, or are indifferent to them.

Americans seem to have this attitude. It's not anywhere close to the truth.

Perhaps not in Britain but definitely in the US.

Even if you don't hate your kids, this seems so extraordinarily old fashioned. You simply arent raising your children but shipping them off. How cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Age eight was common in older generations in the UK. Now they often stay home until finishing the equivalent of sixth grade. Joining any later than this will be hard on all but the most socially adept kids. The UK public schools (private in American lingo) are excellent and allow families to just enjoy each other on school holidays and weekends, with no concerns about homework, college admissions, etc.

In the OP's situation, the children would be in the UK and they would be in the US, so they wouldn't be seeing the kids on weekends. Indeed, I would guess that the kids wouldn't come home at all except for summers, and maybe the Christmas holidays. Other breaks would be too short to warrant the time and expense of flying back to the US (and the exhaustion of the time zone shift back and forth).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here w/ the cousins who all attended boarding school in England at a young age.

A word of caution: if your kids are Americans (like my cousins), they might have trouble fitting in to an upper-class British boarding school. The social scene, etc. is so different from here, even the private schools.

NP with a lot of English family over there and nieces and nephews there. (None in boarding schools but all with excellent educations.)

This PP is right. Your kids will stand out a mile. This argument might make your DH say, "All the more reason to send them as early as possible so they'll fit in," but don't accept that, OP. You also will have little money left for college because boarding school will suck it all up (and colleges in the UK are no longer free like they once were so don't let DH get away with "they can go to college there for nothing.")

Is your DH saying the kids can only get a "real" education if they go to boarding school in Britain? Does he have issues with specifics of education here (or with what he IMAGINES is "education here")? Does he have some notion that the kids will be "soft" and unprepared for life if they live at home until college age? What is behind this idea? If he only has a vague "it was good for ME so it's right for them too" idea, that's ridiculously self-centered and ignorant and he needs to learn about what's available where you live right now. Does he plan to uproot the entire family back to Britain when the oldest child goes off to board at age eight--or would the family stay in the US and the kid(s) be sent abroad?

If he's just making noises that's one thing. But if he's serious, you and he have to have a serious discussion now. Don't wait until older kid is seven and dad starts telling you he's gotten the paperwork for some school. This would be a potentially marriage-damaging issue if my own English DH insisted on it.