Do expect your kids to obey you?

[Anonymous]

Some things are just set rules. Don't argue or debate or ask if you already know its a no.

Some things are debatable and in those cases I won't say no or are open to another opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The word Obey is such a strong word. It makes me feel like a dictator. Go do this, do that, time for school, go to bed. I hate being told what to do when I was young. Now, i feel like I'm doing it. Need you to respond to me with respect, kiddo.

Self-disciplined parents don’t constantly bark out orders. They tend to be more measured than that. They respect their children.

[Anonymous]

I let a few whacks with a belt do the talking. Pain is an effective means to reach a little tyrant’s brain that “You will do as told or it will hurt. “

To date, an orderly household with clearly defined boundaries enforced with muscle.

[Anonymous]

Yes I expect them to obey me. Obey meaning it’s a safety or serious matter.

Otherwise we make suggestions and provide rationale and they can decide and suffer the consequences/benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it mean if you expect your kids to obey you?

We have some non negotiables, yes.
Like you will be out of the house by age 18 and responsible for your own career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it mean if you expect your kids to obey you?

Are they special needs or something?
Psychopaths?

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. No question about it.

Just yesterday, I told my 16-year-old that if it takes me longer to debate doing something with him than it would just to do the task, I'm taking something away.

However, he knows that if something is really bothering him, he can calmly approach me and explain his reasoning. He has done that plenty. I'm not a monster.

I'm just not going to waste my whole day on how he knows better when the cat box needs emptying (he doesn't, he is just trying to avoid doing it).

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm confused what they would need to "obey"

Do you mean they have to go to school on school days... well yea sure.

What "rules" are you making... I can't even really think of a "rule" we have.

Put your dishes in the dishwasher... like that?


Can you give me a few rules so I can figure out why there are so many rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. No question about it.

Just yesterday, I told my 16-year-old that if it takes me longer to debate doing something with him than it would just to do the task, I'm taking something away.

However, he knows that if something is really bothering him, he can calmly approach me and explain his reasoning. He has done that plenty. I'm not a monster.

I'm just not going to waste my whole day on how he knows better when the cat box needs emptying (he doesn't, he is just trying to avoid doing it).

For something like this you don't actually know when is the "best time" to empty the cat box. But you should be able to have a preference for something and they are agreeable to "your preference".

[Anonymous]

I used to try to get them to obey me, but then I realized they have free will and you can't make people do anything.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Additionally, if they intend to disobey they need to communicate that and discuss beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Additionally, if they intend to disobey they need to communicate that and discuss beforehand.

To add, my kids know that they are my first priority and I do everything in the interest of their well-being. So they know that obeying means safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. No question about it.

Just yesterday, I told my 16-year-old that if it takes me longer to debate doing something with him than it would just to do the task, I'm taking something away.

However, he knows that if something is really bothering him, he can calmly approach me and explain his reasoning. He has done that plenty. I'm not a monster.

I'm just not going to waste my whole day on how he knows better when the cat box needs emptying (he doesn't, he is just trying to avoid doing it).

For something like this you don't actually know when is the "best time" to empty the cat box. But you should be able to have a preference for something and they are agreeable to "your preference".

Nope, it's my house. I decide when things get done. He is more than welcome to run his own ship when he pays for it one day.

But speaking of catboxes specifically, I'd venture to say if there is a couple of days worth of stuff in there, I don't want to hear how it "can go a bit longer." But I guess if you really want to call that my preference, you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to try to get them to obey me, but then I realized they have free will and you can't make people do anything.

Of course, you can and should. It's your job as a parent.

My kid would bathe 1/month if I didn't make him.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course. Sadly many parents today lack friends so instead of parenting their kids they instead work hard to become friends with their kids.