How much hobby time is fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't currently have plans.

Your reasons are "unfinished projects"--guess what, you will always have unfinished projects. Life is an unfinished project.

You need to "make time to see his mom." uh, HIS mom. his choice, why are you in charge of scheduling this?

You want to get pumpkins sometime soon. Its SEPTEMBER 20 FFS.

I suggest you unclench, get a sitter and get some hobbies of your own--see a friend, go exercise, take a walk, go to yoga, paint pottery or take your little one with you to run the needed errands.

You are going to have a much happier marriage if you give each other some space.

Yeh, if I waited until every household project was finished before I went out with friends, I'd never leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Just order some plastic pumpkins on Amazon and let the guy enjoy his hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't currently have plans.

Your reasons are "unfinished projects"--guess what, you will always have unfinished projects. Life is an unfinished project.

You need to "make time to see his mom." uh, HIS mom. his choice, why are you in charge of scheduling this?

You want to get pumpkins sometime soon. Its SEPTEMBER 20 FFS.

I suggest you unclench, get a sitter and get some hobbies of your own--see a friend, go exercise, take a walk, go to yoga, paint pottery or take your little one with you to run the needed errands.

You are going to have a much happier marriage if you give each other some space.

Yeah, some of your excuses are lame. If he doesn't want to see his mom, that's his issue. I can't imagine why you need to get pumpkins a month and a half before Halloween. If you really have projects, ask him to pick one or two to do on Sunday. It sounds like he picked a day that you didn't have anything already scheduled, which is reasonable. It's also reasonable for you to ask for him to give you some time to do something that you would like to do, even if it's just taking a long walk or whatever. My husband has a regularly scheduled activity that takes up one weekend afternoon every week. Sometimes I feel annoyed or resentful or just not up for handling everything then. But I know that this is important to him and his mental health, and I suck it up, because it's reasonable and healthy for people to have their own thing. And he is always willing to give me time to do things that I enjoy. That's how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just order some plastic pumpkins on Amazon and let the guy enjoy his hobby.

Seriously. I saw some cute velvet pumpkins on Etsy.

[Anonymous]

You may be right re: an affair.

It is quite unusual for a man to spend four nights outside of his home.

I mean....
He is a Father!
Who does that??!

[Anonymous]

He's not unreasonable.
You need a hobby.
If you want him to do something on a particular day, put it on the calendar so he knows not to schedule something over it. Or make it a standing date, e.g. family time every saturday afternoon from 1pm-5pm.

[Anonymous]

Go get pumpkins without him.
If getting pumpkins is important to be there, then he will be.
It may not be and that's ok.

[Anonymous]

I am with you OP - your husband’s hobby sounds excessive for someone with young children. It sounds like you are craving more family time and more time with your husband, and I don’t see how a hobby of your own is the solution to that. I think your husband needs to realize his children are only young once, and he can return to his intense hobbies in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with you OP - your husband’s hobby sounds excessive for someone with young children. It sounds like you are craving more family time and more time with your husband, and I don’t see how a hobby of your own is the solution to that. I think your husband needs to realize his children are only young once, and he can return to his intense hobbies in a few years.

This. Clearly the hobby is affecting what she considers family time. My guess is that her “unfinished project” excuse is really her way of saying “I want to be with him” but maybe she is hesitant to express that?