I settled and it’s unsettling

[Anonymous]

You NEVER had friends?

Even shy socially awkward people typically find friends by their 20s who have similar interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical woman. Sounds like your DH is a great guy, treats you well, and is a good husband... yet that's not enough.

Typical DCUM woman that settled because all of her friends/family were getting married and probably because she wants to start pumping out kids. But for marriage, I 100% think it’s a real issue to marry someone who’s not sexy to you. I mean, we would all marry our FRIENDS if sexiness and looks didn’t matter. It’s not wrong to expect physical spark and attraction to be a component of a good marriage and you’re not an a**hole if a “nice guy” just isn’t enough. But, OP has no one to blame but herself.

[Anonymous]

Now, we just want kind and a guy who's perfect for us

You’ve already divorced once, so you’re not as young and quite as pretty as the last time. You hopefully have learned about people in the real world a little bit, from living a married life. And you want “perfect”. How does that make sense? Can you tell people how to find “perfect”?

[Anonymous]

I've thought about this, too, but I always come back to "grass is greener". My DH doesn't have a great body, is kind of nerdy/dorky, but he's a good person (and provider). The guy I previously dated was more ambitious, probably makes a lot more than DH now, and was a lot hotter in many ways, but he also had some issues which lead to us not working out.

There have been men that I was more physically attracted to than my DH, but we've had a pretty good life together so far. Married 16 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t you heard the story Obama once told of seeing Michelle’s ex-husband? Something to the effect of, see what you would have been with if we weren’t together, and her response was, no he would’ve been president instead of you

Behind every great man is a loving woman believing in the best for him. Take this vision for your life and the power of agreement you have in your marriage, and do the work in your family, instead of discarding it to chase something glittery that may have strings attached to a hell you could t imagine.

If there is adultey, abuse, addiction, the conversation changes but this is normal regret and fear, just don’t feed it anymore.

And you should probably stay off of DCUM for inspiration.

Michelle Obama’s was previously divorced??

This is rubbish!

This is the story about Nancy and Ronald Reagan. She was dating a carpenter in her hometown when she was in HS. Reagan made this quip when they were campaigning and met the guy on the campaign trail.

[Anonymous]

It’s not wrong to expect physical spark and attraction to be a component of a good marriage and you’re not an a**hole if a “nice guy” just isn’t enough

You are an a**hole if you can only feel that spark with a guy who doesn’t realistically exist. You want Brad Pitt? Who cares.

[Anonymous]

I also settled and it's usually bearable but sometimes miserable. We stayed together for the kids, our social life and financial well being. I often wonder if it was the right decision. I have my friends (not APs), he has his. We have a beautiful home, kids and grandkids we both love. Maybe it's all for the best. My mom remarried and her second husband was an absolute ogre who lived off her wealth, made her family and friends unwelcome and made her very unhappy after the first three years.

[Anonymous]

Look at all the lonely women who left their husbands hoping for something better. Most of them are still single and living a much depleted lifestyle. Not for me.

[Anonymous]

You are one of 7 billion people on a planet that is, itself, a speck in an enormous universe. You get a maybe 8 decades to experience a sliver of existence. The things you aspire to are laughably insignificant. The only thing worthwhile is finding people who love you and bring you joy despite the uncaring vastness in which you find yourself. Go give your husband a hug and stop comparing yourself to your sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s not wrong to expect physical spark and attraction to be a component of a good marriage and you’re not an a**hole if a “nice guy” just isn’t enough

You are an a**hole if you can only feel that spark with a guy who doesn’t realistically exist. You want Brad Pitt? Who cares.

Well, I’ve found it, as have some other DCUM posters. I’m sorry you’re crabby because you settled for a paunchy dork you’re not really in love with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's nice and treats you well. Based on your comments it sounds like he is the one who settled. I wish him better luck the second time around.

I have to agree!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another divorced women here who’s feeling lonely and wants to be with a nice guy. Nothing more.

+1000

I am also divorced from a guy who was very unkind, didn't not see it at first. My heads were in the clouds. In then had another relationship after my divorce with a guy who seemed charming and great and turned out to be an abusive jerk...I am still recovering. I am in therapy now and all I can say that the next time around all I want is a kind nice guy! I understand I need to be more aware of my choices and not ignore the red flags at the start. Count yourself luck OP!!! SERIOUSLY!!!

[Anonymous]

Listen all you people saying “all I want is a nice guy!!” I thought I did too, after my long term boyfriend cheated and got another woman pregnant. So I was in a relationship and married a really great guy who was super “good on paper” but frankly not all that attractive or sexy. After several years of marriage there was zero affection between us and sex was a chore. We divorced. I waited a few years and wouldn’t settle. I dated around. I hooked up with guys I found sexy. I settled down with one. I married him. I should’ve waited for a guy who was not only nice but ALSO incredibly sexy. You all talk like that’s some kind of unicorn. It’s not. Just don’t be stupid and settle for the first nice plain vanilla dweeb to come along. FFS.

[Anonymous]

It seems weirdly egotistical to say that you “settled.” It’s like you’re saying that you are too good for the person you married.

[Anonymous]

Op is such a troll. You suck, troll. Stop trolling.