I settled and it’s unsettling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why were you grumpy?

Op here. I was grumpy, not grumpy. But I was very very shy and awkward and had no idea how to dress up or do my makeup.

I look like a 7 now at 32 because I take care of myself and can dress up nicely. At 25 I was hopeless. Long baggy t shirts, long unbrushed hair, sweatpants...no makeup. No wonder guys never approached me.

Are you trying to type "frumpy?"

[Anonymous]

I’m married, and would be so grateful for an ordinary guy who is nice and treats me well. Can we trade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other post inspired this. I always knew what the high quality guys were but for some reason they never expressed an interest in me. Even when I was in my teens and twenties, I was a socially awkward, grumpy, shy girl. I never went out to bars or had friends. So there I was at 25 and hopelessly single.

I finally chased a guy and turned out he liked me back and now we’re married.

He is nice and treat me well. He is just so ordinary. There is nothing exciting or impressive about him. Total runnofbthe mill average nice guy.

My sisters however were great beauties. They each found the handsome provider types.
I hate to say it but I wonder if I could’ve done better if I had put more effort into my looks and had self esteem. I did really look quite nice when I got dolled up.

I am 32 now and am worried I will not be able to live with myself if I stick with this.

"I finally chased a guy" and "handsome provider types" and "got dolled up"? What?

OP is DEFINITELY a guy. Troll.
Are you sure you are a 32 year old woman and not a 50 year old man?

[Anonymous]

Only a guy would say “dolled up”. Nice try incel guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact is that YOU are ordinary, unexciting, and unimpressive. YOU are run of the mill and average (nothing wrong with that - most people are). You have found a guy at your level. It is best that you come to terms with this. If you don't "settle", your options will not improve. If you could not attract a top-quality man at 18-22, you are not going to attract one at 32. That's just reality.

Now everyone's going to hate on me for my realtalk, but someone had to say it.

What was so special about my sisters then?

They have outgoing personalities and are not frumpy. Basically the opposite of you. Are you also not so smart?

[Anonymous]

OP, everyone finds their spouse slightly boring after several years. Don't go get yourself in trouble.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any children? If no, then get a divorce. 32 is young enough to start over and your husband deserves someone who loves him.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to guess that if you didn’t have any friends in your 20’s you don’t have any friends now.

[Anonymous]

Since you think you're so awesome now and would land a much better guy, get divorced. You're still young so it wouldn't be awful. Because if you stay, both you and your DH will just end up unhappily married. And it's much better.to restart at 32 vs 42

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to look at why you have avoided relationships throughout your life. Most likely you're not attracted to your husband because he is available and instead you're longing for men who are unavailable. It's not because you settled. It's because you're avoiding intimacy by longing for people who are never within your reach.

You need to do therapy and explore this and understand that it's not about settling for something less. It's about you sabotaging yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was with 2 girlfriends yesterday. We are all accomplished and divorced. I'm a lawyer, one is a doctor and the other is an executive. We all talked about how we wanted the "catch". Handsome, ambition, makes money. Our husbands were all of those things. They were also cheaters and controlling.

Now, we just want kind and a guy who's perfect for us. Not someone else. You didn't settle. You just don't know it.

I pray the types of guys you now desire don't even give you the time of day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why were you grumpy?

Op here. I was grumpy, not grumpy. But I was very very shy and awkward and had no idea how to dress up or do my makeup.

I look like a 7 now at 32 because I take care of myself and can dress up nicely. At 25 I was hopeless. Long baggy t shirts, long unbrushed hair, sweatpants...no makeup. No wonder guys never approached me.

Other than wearing nicer clothes, what makes you the kind of exciting person now that you want to find in a husband? What would you bring to the table? How is your husband holding you back from living the kind of life you want, other than simply not making it exciting for you?

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like the big issue is that he is not a good provider?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with 2 girlfriends yesterday. We are all accomplished and divorced. I'm a lawyer, one is a doctor and the other is an executive. We all talked about how we wanted the "catch". Handsome, ambition, makes money. Our husbands were all of those things. They were also cheaters and controlling.

Now, we just want kind and a guy who's perfect for us. Not someone else. You didn't settle. You just don't know it.

I pray the types of guys you now desire don't even give you the time of day.

what a nasty, pointless comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with 2 girlfriends yesterday. We are all accomplished and divorced. I'm a lawyer, one is a doctor and the other is an executive. We all talked about how we wanted the "catch". Handsome, ambition, makes money. Our husbands were all of those things. They were also cheaters and controlling.

Now, we just want kind and a guy who's perfect for us. Not someone else. You didn't settle. You just don't know it.

I pray the types of guys you now desire don't even give you the time of day.

what a nasty, pointless comment.

+ 1. So many other things to pray for in this world, why would you pray for anything vindictive? Thankfully, for those who believe in prayers, it doesn't work this way, the intent is never to cause harm to another.