Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?

[Anonymous]

I think I'd have her stay home and attend school close to you. Finances are the hardest part of this. She can't expect to just stay in school like her peers. Does she know daycare can run $1000-2000 a month? I'd start saving every single penny now. Mainly because my goal as her mother would be for her to finish college and get a good paying job. She's staring down life as single mother which is not easy.

But yes, you need to evaluate how much you'll help her. I know my mother would have basically saved my ass if this happened to me. But she would have had plenty of rules for me too. Mainly that my "job" would be to finish college as quickly as possible and get a good paying job. She'd help with child care as much as possible, but no way she would have let me leave the baby to go party.

You know your daughter best.

This is inspiring me to make sure mine gets an IUD.

[Anonymous]

This happened to a male friend and his girlfriend during htheir junior year of college. The girlfriend stayed in school the first semester and then planned to take off the following semester to have the baby. They had talked about getting married and getting an apt near campus to raise the kid together. Sadly, She went into labor 3 months early and the baby was stillborn. She came back to school after taking time off. But They broke up right afterwards. She ended up transferring to a school near her parents home, out of state.

He had some guilt, I think because he hinted that they were having intercourse when she went into labor. This was 20 years ago, He is in his early 40s and married with kids now. She is very successful professionally, but I think she never married or,had kids.

[Anonymous]

Get a blood test to confirm.

Call the father and let him know.

OP you sit down with your husband and discuss what level of support/involvement you're willing to provide.

Then you both sit down with your daughter and make sure she understands what you're prepared to do to help her, and what she needs to realize is her own responsibility. Will she be on your insurance? Does that mean the kid will be on CHIP? Can they live with you? Can you afford to keep sending her to the same college? Etc.

Then let her make her decision without pressure and support the decision.

After this pregnancy, talk to her about LTRC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a blood test to confirm.

Call the father and let him know.

OP you sit down with your husband and discuss what level of support/involvement you're willing to provide.

Then you both sit down with your daughter and make sure she understands what you're prepared to do to help her, and what she needs to realize is her own responsibility. Will she be on your insurance? Does that mean the kid will be on CHIP? Can they live with you? Can you afford to keep sending her to the same college? Etc.

Then let her make her decision without pressure and support the decision.

After this pregnancy, talk to her about LTRC.

This. OP this is all you have control over. Think long and hard about what you want your level of support to be, communicate that to your daughter clearly and lovingly, and follow through.

[Anonymous]

millions of women get pregnant and have abortions or keep the babies. She is an adult. Her education may be derailed for a semester or two. I honestly don’t see the big deal, not exactly a teen. in situation. I had a baby in my 3rd year of pharmacy school. I was given exactly 4 days to recuperate. Took out extra private loans for a babysitter, no family around as I was living out of state. Boyfriend was also in pharmacy school and took on a part time job to help with some expenses. We are still friends to this day. My GPA suffered some, but my professors, preceptors, etc were very understanding. I was 23 at the time. . It all worked out. Most of my friends are just starting on their fertility journey, and I have a middle schooler at home, who is an amazing older brother, and the least selfish and entitled of all my kids . My friend had a baby in pharmacy school, and then another in med school. She was almost 40 when she finished med school. Her kids are amazing, and she is a single mother with very little family help and some financial help from the kids’ fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She will not abort. Right now she wants to do the fall semester and then reevaluate...I do worry about the idea she’ll take time off and then never go back...adoption is still on the table too though.

The father goes to a different school 1200 miles away (they met at an internship) and they were never together.

It sounds like you've raised a smart daughter OP.

Situations like this are exactly what adoption was made for.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your dd has the baby, it is (obviously) 50% hers and 50% the father's, and that has real legal implications. He will owe child support. Setting aside the ethics of not telling him now, he (or his parents pushing him to do it) can also sue for custody. Your DD should not assume that, just because this was a summer fling or whatever, that the father and/or his family will just go about their lives as if the baby didn't exist. In fact, if you were to think about raising the baby yourself while your dd stays in school -- the flip side of that is that the baby's father's parents would have just as equal a claim to want to raise the baby themselves, have joint custody, or have 50/50 time or whatever.

This is all by way of saying -- in addition to the financial and logistical issues of your DD having a baby while in college, there are serious legal issues as well that could affect your DD, her child, and your family at any time during the baby's infanthood, childhood, and all the way up through when s/he becomes an adult. If your DD follows through with wanting to have the baby, you and she need to talk to a family lawyer about options and implications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:millions of women get pregnant and have abortions or keep the babies. She is an adult. Her education may be derailed for a semester or two. I honestly don’t see the big deal, not exactly a teen. in situation. I had a baby in my 3rd year of pharmacy school. I was given exactly 4 days to recuperate. Took out extra private loans for a babysitter, no family around as I was living out of state. Boyfriend was also in pharmacy school and took on a part time job to help with some expenses. We are still friends to this day. My GPA suffered some, but my professors, preceptors, etc were very understanding. I was 23 at the time. . It all worked out. Most of my friends are just starting on their fertility journey, and I have a middle schooler at home, who is an amazing older brother, and the least selfish and entitled of all my kids . My friend had a baby in pharmacy school, and then another in med school. She was almost 40 when she finished med school. Her kids are amazing, and she is a single mother with very little family help and some financial help from the kids’ fathers.

OP's DD is probably 20.
I know you mean well, but there's kind of a huge gaping difference between having a degree already and being 23 in pharmacy school with a similarly-educated boyfriend...vs. being 20, halfway through college (no degree yet), and getting pregnant with a guy you "were never together" with.

There is no party of OPs story that is NOT a big deal. And probably 180-degrees from what she (or OP) wanted for her life.

It isn't an insurmountable situation, surely...but yes...it IS a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Immediate PP. Same holds true if she wants to put the baby up for adoption -- as the birth father, he may be able to contest that adoption. He has just as much of a parental right to decide the baby's future as your DD does. There have been cases where birth fathers have contested adoptions and won the right to their biological children even if those children have been living with their adoptive families for months or years. Think about the trauma involved in that scenario.

Again, you and she need to talk to a family lawyer well-versed in custody, child support, and adoption law to understand the ramifications of either keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption.

[Anonymous]

Title IX protects her housing through her pregnancy.

The Housing office can help with housing after that.

She will qualify for WIC and SNAP.

I assume you were planning on paying room and board while she is in college. Off campus housing could be cheaper and she can apply for WIC/SNAP, all of that money can go towards her child's food and diapers.

As a single mother she can supplement WIC/SNAP with local food banks. (https://www.foodpantries.org/)

The school can help her find cheap/subsidized daycare or she can check this website for subsidized daycare (https://www.acf.hhs.gov/occ/resource/ccdf-grantee-state-and-territory-contacts#M)

[Anonymous]

I'd support her, but let her know it's on her. She wants this baby, she's responsible for it. How is she going to pay for childcare once the baby is born? That baby is 3 weeks from conception. She has to be ready to derail her life entirely. If she's super motivated, responsible, ready to forgo a demanding career, partner, travel, etc. then go for it, but she needs to understand the harsh reality of becoming a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immediate PP. Same holds true if she wants to put the baby up for adoption -- as the birth father, he may be able to contest that adoption. He has just as much of a parental right to decide the baby's future as your DD does. There have been cases where birth fathers have contested adoptions and won the right to their biological children even if those children have been living with their adoptive families for months or years. Think about the trauma involved in that scenario.

Again, you and she need to talk to a family lawyer well-versed in custody, child support, and adoption law to understand the ramifications of either keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption.

These cases are few and far between except I hope more happen. Most of those are shady adoptions where they didn't ask the birthfather and went to a state where birthfathers have little rights or have to do things in order to have rights (except they don't know the woman is pregnant or they hide her so he cannot find her).

[Anonymous]

OP - I also know someone this happened to. Thier daughter got pregnant in her Sophmore year and gave birth in her Senior year. She finished school and is working now while raising the kid with the baby's father. Like others, the parents did get together and got married after the baby was born. They are very young parents but they are making it work. Both finished school and have good jobs. They did live with parents until they got a bit more settled but now they have their own house in the burbs.

[Anonymous]

It all depends on family circumstances. is there enough money that the child can be cared for while DD finishes school. Is there a school close to home where she can live while she finishes school and someone cares for baby. I'd continue to try to have DD finish a degree so she can have a good career and support herself and baby at some point.
Or perhaps she wants to give the baby up for adoption?
Your DD must love and trust you enough to share this news with you and I'm sure she is hoping you will be supportive.

[Anonymous]

No, but I do wish I had gotten my college girlfriend pregnant. We would have gotten married and had a terrific life. As it was, life caused us to drift apart.