Spouse is not intellectually stimulating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are few things I love more than a good debate. I enjoy discussing articles, recent events, history, etc. The longer I am married, the more I realize my spouse and I are not intellectually compatible. He makes simple, non evidence based, illogical arguments frequently. I leave our convos feeling disappointed. I love the thrill of learning new things and having my viewpoints intelligently challenged. This lack of stimulation is seriously affecting us, both emotionally and sexually. I'm just not attracted to him anymore because he doesn't satisfy this important part of me. How can I fix this? Where can I go online or in-person to meet other people who could satisfy this part of me?

This is why he won't discuss things with you; you put down all his opposing views as simple and illogical. Nobody wants to talk with someone who just slings ad hominem attacks.

Newsflash: once you get outside the DC area, 99% of people are like your husband. They care very little for politics, and they are too busy actually living life to spend their time reading published, peer-reviewed literature so they can provide "evidence based" arguments (oh wait, are you even doing that? Or just parroting things from WaPo and your facebook feed?).

It's nobody's responsibility to teach you new things and challenge your viewpoints "intelligently", especially not your spouse's. Go on Amazon, find some books that argue the exact opposite of your opinions, and read those.

Plus, if you're like everyone else I know who loves discussing current events and politics, you don't *really* want someone to provide an intelligent argument against you. That would just piss you off. You want someone who agrees with you and provides more bulleted talking points that you can spout off to other people to sound even more smart.

BOOM!!! 100% correct. Every word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are few things I love more than a good debate. I enjoy discussing articles, recent events, history, etc. The longer I am married, the more I realize my spouse and I are not intellectually compatible. He makes simple, non evidence based, illogical arguments frequently. I leave our convos feeling disappointed. I love the thrill of learning new things and having my viewpoints intelligently challenged. This lack of stimulation is seriously affecting us, both emotionally and sexually. I'm just not attracted to him anymore because he doesn't satisfy this important part of me. How can I fix this? Where can I go online or in-person to meet other people who could satisfy this part of me?

This is why he won't discuss things with you; you put down all his opposing views as simple and illogical. Nobody wants to talk with someone who just slings ad hominem attacks.

Newsflash: once you get outside the DC area, 99% of people are like your husband. They care very little for politics, and they are too busy actually living life to spend their time reading published, peer-reviewed literature so they can provide "evidence based" arguments (oh wait, are you even doing that? Or just parroting things from WaPo and your facebook feed?).

It's nobody's responsibility to teach you new things and challenge your viewpoints "intelligently", especially not your spouse's. Go on Amazon, find some books that argue the exact opposite of your opinions, and read those.

Plus, if you're like everyone else I know who loves discussing current events and politics, you don't *really* want someone to provide an intelligent argument against you. That would just piss you off. You want someone who agrees with you and provides more bulleted talking points that you can spout off to other people to sound even more smart.

BOOM!!! 100% correct. Every word.

Yep! Most grounded people don't want to hear ones political rants or challenges, lol. OP sounds young.

[Anonymous]

here's the harsh reality. you're not as interesting as you think you are and your intellect is probably more wanting that you would care to believe.

your spouse is likely fed up and HE can't seem to get any satisfaction from engaging with you. he will not debate you for fear that he will destroy you. thus he has chosen the path of least resistance, leaving you with the feeling of wanting.

[Anonymous]

My husband probably feels the way about me that you do about your spouse. I don't like debating. And I especially don't like debating with my spouse who uses a tone of voice that makes me feel as though he thinks I'm stupid.

And it doesn't have to be intellectual topics, either. Often when I voice anything, and he rebuts it, regardless of what it is. If I said Jenny had been divorced for 4 years, he'll say, no, not that long, it's only been two. If I were to comment on a new street sign, he's going to say it's been there for a year.

So. I've stopped talking about anything to him, when nothing I say is right, no matter how mundane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have different types of intelligence.

I come from a family of educated professionals. My husbands family are all blue collar workers with a highschool education. I have a bachelors degree and am pursuing a second, DH never went to college and earns twice as much as I do.

We don’t discuss politics, that’s what my NYT subscription is for and my book club. I could never rewire the electrical outlets in our house, but DH and my BIL can do it in an afternoon. Stop ranking your husbands intelligence and recognize his strong points. You can pursue your own intellectual interests outside your marriage.

You have to learn to develop your own interests and sense of self outside your marriage. Your spouse is not here to meet your every need.

very well put

[Anonymous]

Just to give OP a different perspective, similarly to several PP. I don't want to get into constant, long, passionate intellectual debates when i am home after a long, hard, draining workday. I want to come home to a peaceful household where debating and arguing is an occasional occurrence, not the norm. Once in a while such a discussion is great, but regular debates where you're constantly challenged on your views and have to "present logical arguments" are just exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I pity the DCUM posters who think divorce is the solution to everything