Spouse is not intellectually stimulating

[Anonymous]

NP here. I could have written this. Except I am male. My wife believes in astrology. I do not have to go any further.

[Anonymous]

Jesus maybe the poor guy wants a woman who is pleasant and agreeable, not one driving him nuts with "challenging intellectual debates". Who need that kind of pain in the ass after a hard day at work?

Also, you knew this long before you married him, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want to debate all the time are tiresome. Yea, yea, we get it, you're so super smart. Yawn.

If you want to have your viewpoints challenged, read a damn book. There's plenty out there.

If you want to meet other people, there was a guy who posted a couple months ago about the exact same thing- was sick of his "dumb" wife. Maybe you two should get together. You guys can read WaPo to each other as foreplay. Sounds great.

Yes! Why do people want to do this all the time? Some debate is healthy, but sometimes you just want to chill.

NP I agree! And sometimes you want to make a statement and not have to listen to "the other side" when you know spouse agrees with you. They just want to present the other side in order to troll you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I do not think my spouse is stupid. In fact, he is quite smart, and smarter than me in multiple areas. It's just when it comes to debating his skills are very weak. My spouse has suggested we just not talk about certain topics. I could do that but it would make me feel like he's missing out on a large part of who I am. He also is a bit jealous, and would be bothered by me reaching out to others for stimulation. So I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

So you want us to believe that your husband would be jealous of you reaching out to girlfriends(or even to DCUM politics forum) to debate.

Girl, stop it!

[Anonymous]

Join a book group or something like that where you can get your intellectual stimulation. If he doesn't want to debate you let it go.

[Anonymous]

Why is it bothering you k;ow after all these years?

[Anonymous]

Arranged marriage? Bc how else are you shocked by this if you dated even for a month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want to debate all the time are tiresome. Yea, yea, we get it, you're so super smart. Yawn.

If you want to have your viewpoints challenged, read a damn book. There's plenty out there.

If you want to meet other people, there was a guy who posted a couple months ago about the exact same thing- was sick of his "dumb" wife. Maybe you two should get together. You guys can read WaPo to each other as foreplay. Sounds great.

Yes! Why do people want to do this all the time? Some debate is healthy, but sometimes you just want to chill.

NP I agree! And sometimes you want to make a statement and not have to listen to "the other side" when you know spouse agrees with you. They just want to present the other side in order to troll you!

It drives me up the wall when people play devil's advocate. If we agree, let's just agree! Argument for the sake of argument is exhausting. If we really disagree, then fine, let's talk about it, but inventing a conflict in a social discussion...grrr.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the haters, OP. I 100% get it, which is why intellectual curiosity and connection was literally my top priority in dating. My parents were absolute role models for me- they were never the kind to only talk about kids and logistics. They hold genuine interest in politics, history, etc. and, most importantly for me, enjoy hearing each others’ thoughts on different topics.

Why didn’t you seem to care about all this when you were dating your husband, or do you think you evolved over time? I couldn’t have cared less about looks, but this was incredibly important for my choice in partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are few things I love more than a good debate. I enjoy discussing articles, recent events, history, etc. The longer I am married, the more I realize my spouse and I are not intellectually compatible. He makes simple, non evidence based, illogical arguments frequently. I leave our convos feeling disappointed. I love the thrill of learning new things and having my viewpoints intelligently challenged. This lack of stimulation is seriously affecting us, both emotionally and sexually. I'm just not attracted to him anymore because he doesn't satisfy this important part of me. How can I fix this? Where can I go online or in-person to meet other people who could satisfy this part of me?

This is why he won't discuss things with you; you put down all his opposing views as simple and illogical. Nobody wants to talk with someone who just slings ad hominem attacks.

Newsflash: once you get outside the DC area, 99% of people are like your husband. They care very little for politics, and they are too busy actually living life to spend their time reading published, peer-reviewed literature so they can provide "evidence based" arguments (oh wait, are you even doing that? Or just parroting things from WaPo and your facebook feed?).

It's nobody's responsibility to teach you new things and challenge your viewpoints "intelligently", especially not your spouse's. Go on Amazon, find some books that argue the exact opposite of your opinions, and read those.

Plus, if you're like everyone else I know who loves discussing current events and politics, you don't *really* want someone to provide an intelligent argument against you. That would just piss you off. You want someone who agrees with you and provides more bulleted talking points that you can spout off to other people to sound even more smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are few things I love more than a good debate. I enjoy discussing articles, recent events, history, etc. The longer I am married, the more I realize my spouse and I are not intellectually compatible. He makes simple, non evidence based, illogical arguments frequently. I leave our convos feeling disappointed. I love the thrill of learning new things and having my viewpoints intelligently challenged. This lack of stimulation is seriously affecting us, both emotionally and sexually. I'm just not attracted to him anymore because he doesn't satisfy this important part of me. How can I fix this? Where can I go online or in-person to meet other people who could satisfy this part of me?

This is why he won't discuss things with you; you put down all his opposing views as simple and illogical. Nobody wants to talk with someone who just slings ad hominem attacks.

Newsflash: once you get outside the DC area, 99% of people are like your husband. They care very little for politics, and they are too busy actually living life to spend their time reading published, peer-reviewed literature so they can provide "evidence based" arguments (oh wait, are you even doing that? Or just parroting things from WaPo and your facebook feed?).

It's nobody's responsibility to teach you new things and challenge your viewpoints "intelligently", especially not your spouse's. Go on Amazon, find some books that argue the exact opposite of your opinions, and read those.

Plus, if you're like everyone else I know who loves discussing current events and politics, you don't *really* want someone to provide an intelligent argument against you. That would just piss you off. You want someone who agrees with you and provides more bulleted talking points that you can spout off to other people to sound even more smart.

Probably just likes to listen to herself talk, and her husband's lack of logical, evidence-based retorts, doesn't allow her to speak more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce

Classic. Stay golden DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I do not think my spouse is stupid. In fact, he is quite smart, and smarter than me in multiple areas. It's just when it comes to debating his skills are very weak. My spouse has suggested we just not talk about certain topics. I could do that but it would make me feel like he's missing out on a large part of who I am. He also is a bit jealous, and would be bothered by me reaching out to others for stimulation. So I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

Some people find debating with their spouse to be tiring/exhausting... not fun. Even if the topic isn't personal. Much like debating politics or religion with someone who just agrees to disagree with you. It's fine that you enjoy such dialog but its not a fault of your husband that needs to be fixed. And you might also be someone who lacks self-awareness about how much others find it to be a turn off. For example, talking about him missing out on how smart and intellectual you are ... also, men don't always argue/debate as well as woman but it doesn't make them less intelligent. Whenever we argue my DH has to stop and think through his argument for hours before he can articulate it well. And he has a PhD in statistics.

[Anonymous]

I bet OP doesn't want to divorce at all. She just wants to debate the merits of her hypothetical divorce on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess! OP you obsessed about Trump and you can not find someone to debate/fight with? Yes I know people like you and no one engages them. Try the comments section of the Washington post.