Spouse is not intellectually stimulating

[Anonymous]

There are few things I love more than a good debate. I enjoy discussing articles, recent events, history, etc. The longer I am married, the more I realize my spouse and I are not intellectually compatible. He makes simple, non evidence based, illogical arguments frequently. I leave our convos feeling disappointed. I love the thrill of learning new things and having my viewpoints intelligently challenged. This lack of stimulation is seriously affecting us, both emotionally and sexually. I'm just not attracted to him anymore because he doesn't satisfy this important part of me. How can I fix this? Where can I go online or in-person to meet other people who could satisfy this part of me?

[Anonymous]

Divorce

[Anonymous]

Just to add, if you are complaining about it online the gulf will grow to an affair. You will meet a man who satisfies that need and then seek them out for more.

Learn from your mistake and don't settle next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are few things I love more than a good debate. I enjoy discussing articles, recent events, history, etc. The longer I am married, the more I realize my spouse and I are not intellectually compatible. He makes simple, non evidence based, illogical arguments frequently. I leave our convos feeling disappointed. I love the thrill of learning new things and having my viewpoints intelligently challenged. This lack of stimulation is seriously affecting us, both emotionally and sexually. I'm just not attracted to him anymore because he doesn't satisfy this important part of me. How can I fix this? Where can I go online or in-person to meet other people who could satisfy this part of me?

My husband does this, and he is an accomplished and respected math professor. You're right, it's an intellectual compatibility thing (I believe it comes down to differences in how people explain getting to their conclusions). It doesn't necessarily mean he is dumb, so avoid concluding that if you value your marriage. And you know what? Debating with others is not cheating. Hooray. You can go off and be an intellectual stimulation ho bag all you want. That's what I do and it works for us.

[Anonymous]

People have different types of intelligence.

I come from a family of educated professionals. My husbands family are all blue collar workers with a highschool education. I have a bachelors degree and am pursuing a second, DH never went to college and earns twice as much as I do.

We don’t discuss politics, that’s what my NYT subscription is for and my book club. I could never rewire the electrical outlets in our house, but DH and my BIL can do it in an afternoon. Stop ranking your husbands intelligence and recognize his strong points. You can pursue your own intellectual interests outside your marriage.

You have to learn to develop your own interests and sense of self outside your marriage. Your spouse is not here to meet your every need.

[Anonymous]

You picked him. You have to decide if this is just a phase that you're annoyed by it or you truly can't be happy. Chances are, he was that way from the beginning, so you can't really blame him for being the same person he always was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have different types of intelligence.

I come from a family of educated professionals. My husbands family are all blue collar workers with a highschool education. I have a bachelors degree and am pursuing a second, DH never went to college and earns twice as much as I do.

We don’t discuss politics, that’s what my NYT subscription is for and my book club. I could never rewire the electrical outlets in our house, but DH and my BIL can do it in an afternoon. Stop ranking your husbands intelligence and recognize his strong points. You can pursue your own intellectual interests outside your marriage.

You have to learn to develop your own interests and sense of self outside your marriage. Your spouse is not here to meet your every need.

This. I also have a suspicion he’s not that impressed with your smugness either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have different types of intelligence.

I come from a family of educated professionals. My husbands family are all blue collar workers with a highschool education. I have a bachelors degree and am pursuing a second, DH never went to college and earns twice as much as I do.

We don’t discuss politics, that’s what my NYT subscription is for and my book club. I could never rewire the electrical outlets in our house, but DH and my BIL can do it in an afternoon. Stop ranking your husbands intelligence and recognize his strong points. You can pursue your own intellectual interests outside your marriage.

You have to learn to develop your own interests and sense of self outside your marriage. Your spouse is not here to meet your every need.

Plus 1! All strengths count.

[Anonymous]

Must be a troll..

[Anonymous]

Debate other people, period. A spouse will never meet every single need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different types of intelligence.

I come from a family of educated professionals. My husbands family are all blue collar workers with a highschool education. I have a bachelors degree and am pursuing a second, DH never went to college and earns twice as much as I do.

We don’t discuss politics, that’s what my NYT subscription is for and my book club. I could never rewire the electrical outlets in our house, but DH and my BIL can do it in an afternoon. Stop ranking your husbands intelligence and recognize his strong points. You can pursue your own intellectual interests outside your marriage.

You have to learn to develop your own interests and sense of self outside your marriage. Your spouse is not here to meet your every need.

This. I also have a suspicion he’s not that impressed with your smugness either.

This. Nor her bragging, lol.

After work he probably wants to keep it light. I wonder what defect the next guy will have....

[Anonymous]

OP here. To clarify I do not think my spouse is stupid. In fact, he is quite smart, and smarter than me in multiple areas. It's just when it comes to debating his skills are very weak. My spouse has suggested we just not talk about certain topics. I could do that but it would make me feel like he's missing out on a large part of who I am. He also is a bit jealous, and would be bothered by me reaching out to others for stimulation. So I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different types of intelligence.

I come from a family of educated professionals. My husbands family are all blue collar workers with a highschool education. I have a bachelors degree and am pursuing a second, DH never went to college and earns twice as much as I do.

We don’t discuss politics, that’s what my NYT subscription is for and my book club. I could never rewire the electrical outlets in our house, but DH and my BIL can do it in an afternoon. Stop ranking your husbands intelligence and recognize his strong points. You can pursue your own intellectual interests outside your marriage.

You have to learn to develop your own interests and sense of self outside your marriage. Your spouse is not here to meet your every need.

This. I also have a suspicion he’s not that impressed with your smugness either.

This. Nor her bragging, lol.

After work he probably wants to keep it light. I wonder what defect the next guy will have....

I am the 13:41 poster. I am a smug a-hole, it’s really just to cover up my insecurities. But let’s not hijack this post with my shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

Satisfy that part of yourself with your friends. Your husband need not and cannot fulfill all of your needs as a human. If you have kids, try to work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify I do not think my spouse is stupid. In fact, he is quite smart, and smarter than me in multiple areas. It's just when it comes to debating his skills are very weak. My spouse has suggested we just not talk about certain topics. I could do that but it would make me feel like he's missing out on a large part of who I am. He also is a bit jealous, and would be bothered by me reaching out to others for stimulation. So I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.

This is what you have the dog and friends for. It sounds like some of your debating leads into arguing or being uncomfortable.

You seem to be making something out of nothing. I love shopping, but my spouse is weak in that area. It's ok because I don't expect my spouse to be a copy of myself.

OP you can debate with your girlfriends. I'm sure he would be ok with that.