When/how to tell child (and older siblings) that dad is not biological father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the child asks, "You and your brother have different hair types. Some people have straight hair and some have curly hair. Your eyes are different too. You both resemble me because I am your mommy. You each resemble your daddiez, too. And you have different daddies. You'll understand more when you get older."

Yes, you don't have to be honest and explain everything to a child who doesn't have the developmental capacity to comprehend.

The chldreb will probably start asking why they look different. Same mommy, different daddies.

You'll understand more when you get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the child asks, "You and your brother have different hair types. Some people have straight hair and some have curly hair. Your eyes are different too. You both resemble me because I am your mommy. You each resemble your daddiez, too. And you have different daddies. You'll understand more when you get older."

Yes, you don't have to be honest and explain everything to a child who doesn't have the developmental capacity to comprehend.

The chldreb will probably start asking why they look different. Same mommy, different daddies.

You'll understand more when you get older.

I disagree with this. The problem is that the kid will not stop thinking about it until he's older. He'll continue to wonder, and may make up stuff in his mind that is worse than the truth or completely nonsensical. Also, child will learn that there are taboo topics. May lead to shame for the child, especially since there's another child with a more transparent story. Just tell the story. Whatever you say, the child will understand it more when he gets older. My kids who were adopted didn't understand it the first or 100 times they were told. They are still learning what it means. That's fine.

[Anonymous]

"And, if you'd like to throw in bonus opinions, you can offer your input on how to introduce the daughter to her biological father's non-American culture when the biological dad won't be around."

What's a non-American culture? Americans run the gamut of cultures.

Why subject the daughter to a different culture than that of her own family?

You're going to send her to special non-American culture Sunday School?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the child asks, "You and your brother have different hair types. Some people have straight hair and some have curly hair. Your eyes are different too. You both resemble me because I am your mommy. You each resemble your daddiez, too. And you have different daddies. You'll understand more when you get older."

Yes, you don't have to be honest and explain everything to a child who doesn't have the developmental capacity to comprehend.

The chldreb will probably start asking why they look different. Same mommy, different daddies.

You'll understand more when you get older.

I disagree with this. The problem is that the kid will not stop thinking about it until he's older. He'll continue to wonder, and may make up stuff in his mind that is worse than the truth or completely nonsensical. Also, child will learn that there are taboo topics. May lead to shame for the child, especially since there's another child with a more transparent story. Just tell the story. Whatever you say, the child will understand it more when he gets older. My kids who were adopted didn't understand it the first or 100 times they were told. They are still learning what it means. That's fine.

You spent 100 pointless conversations with your child because they will understand more when they get older. And this child is not adopted. The child is a product of an adulterous affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the child asks, "You and your brother have different hair types. Some people have straight hair and some have curly hair. Your eyes are different too. You both resemble me because I am your mommy. You each resemble your daddiez, too. And you have different daddies. You'll understand more when you get older."

Yes, you don't have to be honest and explain everything to a child who doesn't have the developmental capacity to comprehend.

The chldreb will probably start asking why they look different. Same mommy, different daddies.

You'll understand more when you get older.

I disagree with this. The problem is that the kid will not stop thinking about it until he's older. He'll continue to wonder, and may make up stuff in his mind that is worse than the truth or completely nonsensical. Also, child will learn that there are taboo topics. May lead to shame for the child, especially since there's another child with a more transparent story. Just tell the story. Whatever you say, the child will understand it more when he gets older. My kids who were adopted didn't understand it the first or 100 times they were told. They are still learning what it means. That's fine.

Yes there are some taboo topics, such as pregnancy from an adulterous affair with a man other than the married spouse. That is why the OP struggles to explain it to the child. There is no shame for the child. Do you want the kids going to school and telling their friends and classmates?