Friends seem jealous and not happy for me

[Anonymous]

People love you when your down. It's a sad fact. Now that you are happy and excited in your new relationship, they are envious of your new zest for life. They are in there normal lack luster day to day life.

[Anonymous]

OP, I went through the this 5 years ago when I lost a lot of weight and started running. Some of my friends just can't be happy for me. I have not been boastful but why is it so hard for you to acknowledge a marathon I ran. A true friend would be happy for you. I am realizing that those friends miss me being there fat friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Red flags... about you, not them.
They supported you through a terrible time in your life, OP.
Are you going to ditch them now?

Of course I am not going to ditch them. I have been friends with some of them for over 20 years. I would be really upset to lose their friendship. When I am asked what I am doing over the 4th, I say nothing. I am really going to southern Spain. I have also supported them through a ton of crazy stuff so it isn't all one sided.

This post jumped out at me in particular and makes me wonder if it’s not so much jealousy as feeling like they don’t know you anymore. First, you’ve become a liar. You lie to them about things like travel plans, which at best is alienating and at worst might make them worry about what’s really going on with you that you’re lying about your plans. Further, stuff like traveling to Spain for July 4th might be making them question how much they have in common with you anymore. When I think of July 4th, I think of cookouts and fireworks with friends. It’s not that I couldn't go to Spain instead, it’s that I can do Spain anytime and it’s not particularly my idea of a fun July 4th. If you used to be into similar July 4th celebrations but now have abandoned the fun you used to have with your friends in favor of jet-setting with your boyfriend, they may feel like you just aren’t interested in being with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

After 20 years they are probably sick of your drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 20 years they are probably sick of your drama

And mentally preparing themselves to pick up the pieces when bf moves on to a younger model

[Anonymous]

All your replies are so condescending I think your friends are probably just tired of you knowing better than them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first rule of being a good friend is never talking about your happiness or success, because your happiness and success is a threat to others, and only serves to fan the flames of their insecurity.

The second rule of being a good friend is not talking about your unhappiness or failures, because no matter how much they may do or say otherwise, others will find you insufferable and needy, and really don't care anyway.

Violators of either rule should prepare for the slow fade.

Good friends LISTEN. A playful clapping of hands. *Yay! I'm so happy for you!* A tilt of the head. *I'm so sorry.*

Shhhh. I said NO talking. *Listen.*

What a good friend.

If you remove the ability to be transparent with sharing happiness, success, unhappiness, or failures, then 1) you can't have a conversation where you are happy or sorry for anything, because nothing is being shared, and 2) you probably aren't friends.

[Anonymous]

OP...any thoughts here? Did any of this resonate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet your friends are pretty protective of you after watching you struggle. And they're probably more than a little concerned and skeptical that you're only 6 months in and are already all in and enjoying the "perks" of this guy's money... nothing is free and if you were my friend and jumped in headfirst after a bad divorce, I would worry.

+1

I have noticed that women when they date men with money seem so comfortable using their money very early on in dating.

To others it comes across unpleasantly.

Its one thing to use your husband's money. But to be financially dependent on a boyfriend of 6 months...seems weird and thirsty.

OP here. Nope. I don't use his money. I actually do not let him buy everything for me. I can afford my own lifestyle but I can't afford his. He does pay for me when he wants me to travel with him because he knows I can't afford that type of lifestyle. I usually will slip the waitress my credit card and try to pick up a few meals. He says I am the only woman who has ever done that. His past girlfriends were "sponges" and I will not be one.

He is mid fifties and I am late 40's for what it is worth. I would never be financially dependent on a man I am dating. A man is not a plan!!!!!

A mid-50's man bitching about his ex-gfs being "sponges"... this is a red-flag, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course I am not going to ditch them. I have been friends with some of them for over 20 years. I would be really upset to lose their friendship. When I am asked what I am doing over the 4th, I say nothing. I am really going to southern Spain. I have also supported them through a ton of crazy stuff so it isn't all one sided.

This post jumped out at me in particular and makes me wonder if it’s not so much jealousy as feeling like they don’t know you anymore. First, you’ve become a liar. You lie to them about things like travel plans, which at best is alienating and at worst might make them worry about what’s really going on with you that you’re lying about your plans. Further, stuff like traveling to Spain for July 4th might be making them question how much they have in common with you anymore. When I think of July 4th, I think of cookouts and fireworks with friends. It’s not that I couldn't go to Spain instead, it’s that I can do Spain anytime and it’s not particularly my idea of a fun July 4th. If you used to be into similar July 4th celebrations but now have abandoned the fun you used to have with your friends in favor of jet-setting with your boyfriend, they may feel like you just aren’t interested in being with them anymore.

NP here, +100 to all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet your friends are pretty protective of you after watching you struggle. And they're probably more than a little concerned and skeptical that you're only 6 months in and are already all in and enjoying the "perks" of this guy's money... nothing is free and if you were my friend and jumped in headfirst after a bad divorce, I would worry.

+1

I have noticed that women when they date men with money seem so comfortable using their money very early on in dating.

To others it comes across unpleasantly.

Its one thing to use your husband's money. But to be financially dependent on a boyfriend of 6 months...seems weird and thirsty.

Yes. The fact that you sound entitled to his money is a red flag for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I went through the this 5 years ago when I lost a lot of weight and started running. Some of my friends just can't be happy for me. I have not been boastful but why is it so hard for you to acknowledge a marathon I ran. A true friend would be happy for you. I am realizing that those friends miss me being there fat friend.

I am a runner, and it is also possible you became that annoying person that talks about running 24/7. That’s why I try my hardest to only talk about running to my other runner friends and not constantly post about my runs on FB.

[Anonymous]

I think that's fairly normal. It's not fun and it's hard to know what to do, but sometimes people find it difficult to be genuinely happy for others...especially if things aren't going as well as they had hoped. Just try to be your normal self, love them like you always have, and maybe see if they want to talk about it. Hopefully, they'll come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet your friends are pretty protective of you after watching you struggle. And they're probably more than a little concerned and skeptical that you're only 6 months in and are already all in and enjoying the "perks" of this guy's money... nothing is free and if you were my friend and jumped in headfirst after a bad divorce, I would worry.

+1

I have noticed that women when they date men with money seem so comfortable using their money very early on in dating.

To others it comes across unpleasantly.

Its one thing to use your husband's money. But to be financially dependent on a boyfriend of 6 months...seems weird and thirsty.

OP here. Nope. I don't use his money. I actually do not let him buy everything for me. I can afford my own lifestyle but I can't afford his. He does pay for me when he wants me to travel with him because he knows I can't afford that type of lifestyle. I usually will slip the waitress my credit card and try to pick up a few meals. He says I am the only woman who has ever done that. His past girlfriends were "sponges" and I will not be one.

He is mid fifties and I am late 40's for what it is worth. I would never be financially dependent on a man I am dating. A man is not a plan!!!!!

A mid-50's man bitching about his ex-gfs being "sponges"... this is a red-flag, OP.

+1000

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t know you, but I find some of your posts troublesome, mostly because you’re saying one thing and doing another.

First of all, you’ve only been dating this man 6 months. I know after a divorce, or whatever, that it feels awesome, but it’s really not that long. You’re already on to world travel, when many people would still be meeting friends and family. They may feel you’re moving too quickly.

One side of your mouth is bragging about how a man is not a plan, and yet, you also feel that paying for a few dinners somehow equates to his funding world travel. Which is it, especially in a new relationship? You’re trying to pretend you’re all independent, but as soon as it’s for something more awesome than you can afford, you’re all about letting him pay for it. You’re even buying his line about his past sponges. Let’s be honest - you’re just less sponge-y. A night out at the local Ethiopian joint hardly equates to a trip to Spain.

Oh, and about that trip. I think you’re purposefully being evasive about it, so you have some kind of exciting leverage over your friends. Why lie? If you don’t want to give all kinds of details, You could simply say you’redoing some traveling, but no, you’re keeping it all like some big secret they can find out, or so you can have some big reveal later. Trust me, they don’t care, or if they do care, they’re happy for you. I’ve been the person with my awesome home gathering, where a million stories are woven, although it seems like nothing special as far as events go. I I’ve also been the traveler. We just got back from a regular trip to Europe. Trust me, you’re really not that special. There were several hundred people traveling on my flight, and that was a from a fairly small airport that had flights all day.

I know you’re excited, Op. I also imagine you WANT your friends to be jealous. Just remember that you may need those friends again later.