Anyone on here have your very 1st child as a young teenager? 14? 15? 16?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YIKES!!!!! This thread has taken a turn for the worse. MY GOD.

Huh? How? Seems like regular conversations to me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL had my husband when she was 16. My husband never met his dad and never even knew his name until 5 years ago, when MIL finally told him. My husband tried to find him, but he’s no longer alive. MIL went on to marrying 4 times, is currently engaged to the 5th guy. She had three more kids, all of which my husband was heavily relied on to babysit when he was just a boy. He was 10 when the middle child was born and 12 when the twins were born. He basically raised them, as MIL would go to work after he got home from school and leave them with all 3. He can change a diaper better than any dad I know. MIL has been in several toxic relationships, abuse coming from both sides. She is 52, my husband is 36.

My story is similar to your husband’s. My mother was a teen when she had me and my sister. She had my brother 10 years later. I did most of the care for my brother, and still deal with trying to put out the fires for my mother’s terrible decisions. The youngest sibling is now 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin had her 1st at 15, and is now 17 and pregnant with #2.

If you find that so shocking, prepare for your head to explode: My mother taught junior high back in the '70s & '80s. She had a 13-year-old student who was pregnant with her third child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-SIL had her 1st child at 15 (pregnant at 14, I think). Then my BIL got her pregnant when she was 17 or 18 and married her, raising her first child as his. They had two more kids after that. That first child had her own first child at 18 or 19 and then had two more with the same man, though they haven't married to this day.

Wow, so she was a 33 year old grandma?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my childhood best friends got pregnant at 14 and had her baby just a month after turning 15. My parents had forbidden me from hanging out with her halfway through 6th grade when she became a "bad kid" in their eyes (got caught smoking and then got caught stealing from Icing in the mall). We still spoke but only at school and our friendship suffered because of this. She still invited me to her baby shower and I got her a gift on my own, but my parents wouldn't let me go. They thought it was appalling that her parents were carrying on as if it was a completely normal situation, throwing the showers, having a big 15th birthday party, the dad remodeling the basement to make an apartment for her and the baby's father to live in, etc. She switched to homeschool after the baby was born and we pretty much lost touch for years. She contacted me on Facebook about 3 years ago because it turned out we had another mutual friend through our kid's soccer team and FB suggested me as a friend. The baby she had in HS is turning 21 this year. That's crazy since we're both turning 36 this year. She has a 10 year old and a 6 year old now and is married (not to the HS baby daddy). It's funny because even though so much time has passed, we both still remember each others childhood secrets. I really wish my parents hadn't made me stop being her friend all those years ago.

Why the hostility from your parents?

Once the baby was born it should have been all about moving forward and not looking back.

The girl had a history of stealing, smoking cigarettes, she got pregnant at the age of 14 and had a baby at the age of 15. Her father turned the basement into an apartment for this 15 year old kid and her baby daddy boyfriend to live in....

Call me judgmental, but I would keep my own teenager away from a situation like that, too. She was growing up way too fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin had her 1st at 15, and is now 17 and pregnant with #2.

If you find that so shocking, prepare for your head to explode: My mother taught junior high back in the '70s & '80s. She had a 13-year-old student who was pregnant with her third child.

I worked with a guy whose stepdaughter had 5 children by the time she was 20.

[Anonymous]

My sister had a baby at 19. So not really teen mom. And she had super supportive parents. She still dropped out of school, ran off with the drug addict father, came crawling back with a 10mo, lived with my parents for about a year, and then married the biggest pile of feces man you can imagine. She was planning to leave him finally after about 3 years and found out she was pregnant so stayed. Now her life goal is to have another baby in her thirties so she can say she had one in her teens, twenties, and thirties. Yup, #lifegoals.

[Anonymous]

I went to one of the local girls schools and a friend of mine got pregnant her senior year. This was a long time ago — 20+ years. Anyhow, she didn’t marry the biological father but their child did stay connected to that family as well. My friend is now married with a young adult child, and a couple other young kids. She has a wonderful life and had the support of her family and friends. I know it was hard for her but things did work out and I’m sure family support and financial privilege played a part. I’m glad for her and for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in middle school, the most beautiful girl in school got pregnant at 13 and gave birth to twins at 14. I came to find out a few years ago that she ended up killing herself by drinking acid.

This poor girl and her kids. I wonder what happened to her to make her end her life. Was she raped? Ostracized for getting pregnant? Lack of family support?

This is also why I think it's best to support pregnant teens once the decision is made for them to have the baby. What's done is done. Now try to make the best of it because the mom and baby will need all the love and help they can get.

If I knew a teen in this situation, I would throw them a baby shower and help them celebrate the child's life. Shaming the mom and child will only bring negative consequences, like the story above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in middle school, the most beautiful girl in school got pregnant at 13 and gave birth to twins at 14. I came to find out a few years ago that she ended up killing herself by drinking acid.

This poor girl and her kids. I wonder what happened to her to make her end her life. Was she raped? Ostracized for getting pregnant? Lack of family support?

This is also why I think it's best to support pregnant teens once the decision is made for them to have the baby. What's done is done. Now try to make the best of it because the mom and baby will need all the love and help they can get.

If I knew a teen in this situation, I would throw them a baby shower and help them celebrate the child's life. Shaming the mom and child will only bring negative consequences, like the story above.

Back in the day, they usually just quietly stopped going to school and no one really thought that much about them. No one was actively shaming them or ostracizing them but the reality of them being at home with a baby to take care of meant that they had to grow up fast, assume adult responsibilities and stop being kids themselves.

There was a limit to how much a happy go lucky teen still in HS and living under parental authority could really relate to them. The kid in HS is concerned with dances, pep rallies, boys, tests, curfews, etc. While the teen mom is dealing with diaper rash, round the clock feedings, pediatrician appts and everything else associated with the parenting a young baby.

You can feel for them but the reality is their life has changed. Hopefully they have lots of love and support at home to help them adjust to parenting a little one.

[Anonymous]

On the upside, I'm in my early 50's and I have seen quite a few women my age with 30 something adult children and 5+ grandchildren to show for it. They've managed to do o.k. for themselves and love nothing more than spoiling their grand babies.

[Anonymous]

Teen mothers happen with lack of readily available birth control (without parental consent), Plan B, and abortions.

Teens have sex. End of story.

[Anonymous]

After working one year in social services I can assure you that 14 year old girls do not get pregnant by 14 year old boys. If every single case I saw the dad was an older guy, usually 19-30. The parents of the girls don't seem shocked by the older boyfriend but then act schocked by the pregnancy. No one is prosecuted for rape unless the girls parents really push for it and I never saw that happen once in low income families. Im not saying we should "isolate" these girls but damn, it is shameful to have a baby or the dad of a baby of a teen mom. We need some societal standards. We need free IUDs for every single girl starting HS. all the social support in the world isn't helping these kids unless the parents are rich and step in to help.

[Anonymous]

At the time I wouldn’t trade my late teens and 20s for anything; I’ve never had so much fun. But now being 45 with a six-year-old I would think about trading some of those fun years in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: At the time I wouldn’t trade my late teens and 20s for anything; I’ve never had so much fun. But now being 45 with a six-year-old I would think about trading some of those fun years in.

Ha. Not me. Those memories are often what kept me going when the kids were wearing my middle aged butt out, lol.

It's good to have a memory of "you" before it's all about "them".