Mother's day - nudge the husband or risk disapointment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s going to be a lot of hiking families on a Sunday!

Hilariously, I’m a mother, and I will be hiking, but but doing a long-planeed trip to Shenandoah with my sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s going to be a lot of hiking families on a Sunday!

Hilariously, I’m a mother, and I will be hiking, but but doing a long-planeed trip to Shenandoah with my sister.

We hike every Mother's and Father's Day! We live in Colorado, and yes, the trails are crowded that day!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Love my husband v much but he's a horrible planner. Cannot think beyond a few days in advance. Should I nudge him to remind him of mother's day to make sure he has a plan or risk waking up on Sunday disapointed when he seemingly will just plan spur of moment? Anyone else going through this?

If you;re going to be disappointed, give him a gentle reminder. Better to ask for what you want if it's really important to you.

As a mom, what is important to me is the message to our kids. Our first Mother’s Day he bought beautiful roses ordered online. I explained to him how much it means to me to have DS learn every year they go out and pick out flowers together, buy something for breakfast, and bring it home to me. The next year I got truly the most ugly daisies ever—these weird fluorescent dyed daisies but I was overjoyed. Now DS is 8 and I overheard him telling DH that he thinks they should buy me a bird feeder this year.

I do the same for Father’s Day, where DS and I pick out a card and he gets to pick a restaurant with me.

Me too.

I agree as well, although usually I simply pick out something nice for myself and wrap it - this year it was shoes! - and pretend it was a total surprise. Then we go out to an elegant Mother's Day brunch which is how I like to celebrate (no muddy exhausting hikes for me!). I'm actually the type of person who would be fine with a card, but especially with sons, I want to make sure he treats his wife and the mother of his children in the way she deserves on Mother's Day, in case she is more like OP and really needs that validation. Some people are more into the love language of gifts than others, so I am preparing my children accordingly!

[Anonymous]

What do you mean, "going through this"?

Do you have a cancer diagnosis, OP?

Ridiculous. Just tell your husband exactly what you want and where to get it. Or just buy it yourself. Enough already.

[Anonymous]

The joys of having teens. I just told my daughter today that when she and her Dad plan mother's day (whenever that may be...cough cough Sunday morning) please keep in mind that I am not cooking a thing and that where ever we eat, I do not want to go someplace and wind up with a 3 hour wait to be seated. Make a reservation or get take out. She helped me pick out cards for my mom, MIL, and my sister and she is going to take care of buying MIL some flowers when she goes shopping with Dad.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I nudged my husband but I'm newly pregnant with our first, so he could be forgiven for not thinking to recognize the holiday. What did your DH do last year? Has he dropped the ball on Mother's Day before?

You're not a mother.

Yeah, huge eyeroll here. Of course it would be fine and cute for your husband to celebrate mother's day with you, but the idea that you decided to push him for recognition when you're just newly pregnant? Come on.

Well, congratulations on being a garbage person. We tried for a long time and are very excited to be expecting. He'll get recognition on Father's Day too, and you can continue to be garbage then. Go on.

Not the PP, but the "you don't agree with me so you're garbage" is a bit overplayed these days.

No, telling someone she's not a mother makes you garbage. It's not about agreeing, it's about basic decency.

I have no skin in this particular game, but there is valid reason to disagree on the definition of "mother". Many would argue that you have to give birth. If that's not your definition fine, but it's not an invalid definition.

You can have a different definition for yourself, sure. It's shitty behavior to push it on someone else, especially the way PP did to disparage someone who was clearly excited. I wonder if she tells women whose kids have died that they can't celebrate Mother's Day? Women who've experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth? Be better, people.

Oh come on. Yeah, if you've only had miscarriages, you're not a parent. A full stillbirth is different. And yes, I've had miscarriages as well as living children. Next you're going to say that someone who treats their pet like a child is also a mother because we can define motherhood however we want. If PP wants to celebrate, she can do whatever she wants, but it's not at all unreasonable to point out that without an actual child ever in the picture, she's not actually a parent. And as long as we're calling out bad behavior, PP's response was just as "shitty" (and you will no doubt say mine is as well).

[Anonymous]

OP ignore the vitriol on this thread. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and you are right. This is a very special time in your relationship with your husband. Celebrating the various holidays as you mark off the calendar to your due date is part of the joy in life. Think about what you want to do this year, how you would like to celebrate. Find a way to directly and kindly tell DH what that is. It will give him the tools to start moving in the direction himself of acknowledging this changing time in your lives. After a few disappointing years with regard to birthdays and holidays I started a mix of buying my own gifts and presenting them to DH to give to me in front of our child and sending him links/discussing wish list ideas. Ya know what? About three years into that, he started to get the ball rolling on his own. Now it’s the best of both worlds for me. He asks if there is anything special I would like, or plans I want to make (him to make) and he often does something that is 100% his idea as well. He just wasn’t raised to do a good job being aware of other people’s needs or how to think of gifts etc...but he wants me to be happy. Now we both are. AND I help him remember to do something for his own mother/come up with gifts that I think she’ll like etc...something he never did before our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Don't nudge him. Just get disappointed and complain on DCUM like everyone else will do next Monday. Same thing, new year. Some of you get more attention online than you do at home.

[Anonymous]

Last year my oldest broke a bone on Mother’d Day. I’m cool with just avoiding any trips to the doctor this year, haha.

[Anonymous]

I grew up spending years watching my mom be upset every mother's day/Valentine's Day /birthday/anniversary because my dad didn't live up to her expectations of how she wanted to celebrate (and it didn't help that all of those occasions fell during four consecutive months).

I promised myself that I would not fall into that trap and so I've always talk to my husband about our plans for celebrating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband got me a Mother's Day gift when I was pregnant with our first. I guess he was really excited. I am superstitious and thought it a bad idea.

I remember posting a Mother's Day dinner for my sister-in-law and mother-in-law when I was 8 months pregnant, and I remember feeling so exhausted and thinking to myself an extra I wasn't going to lift a finger. (Count me as a superstitious type who didn't want to celebrate Mother's Day until I after I gave birth)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love my husband v much but he's a horrible planner. Cannot think beyond a few days in advance. Should I nudge him to remind him of mother's day to make sure he has a plan or risk waking up on Sunday disapointed when he seemingly will just plan spur of moment? Anyone else going through this?

If you;re going to be disappointed, give him a gentle reminder. Better to ask for what you want if it's really important to you.

As a mom, what is important to me is the message to our kids. Our first Mother’s Day he bought beautiful roses ordered online. I explained to him how much it means to me to have DS learn every year they go out and pick out flowers together, buy something for breakfast, and bring it home to me. The next year I got truly the most ugly daisies ever—these weird fluorescent dyed daisies but I was overjoyed. Now DS is 8 and I overheard him telling DH that he thinks they should buy me a bird feeder this year.

I do the same for Father’s Day, where DS and I pick out a card and he gets to pick a restaurant with me.

That is so sweet! My daughter is only 2 but I was trying to explain to her about buying cards for Mother's Day so she went and grabbed a singing Sofia the First birthday card and wanted to give it to me for mother's day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s going to be a lot of hiking families on a Sunday!

Hilariously, I’m a mother, and I will be hiking, but but doing a long-planeed trip to Shenandoah with my sister.

We hike every Mother's and Father's Day! We live in Colorado, and yes, the trails are crowded that day!!

It's Colorado, aren't the trails usually crowded when the weather is nice?

[Anonymous]

I am always happier gently reminding everyone. There is always a liittle sadness when people forget to acknowledge your birthday or mother's day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s important to you, remind him. I don’t care about these made up occasions so I wouldn’t care and wouldn’t be disappointed.

ALL occasions are made up. Christmas. Thanksgiving. Birthdays. Mother's day. Halloween. WTF. Just enjoy life once in a while instead of getting your knickers in a twist over this.