Mother's day - nudge the husband or risk disapointment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I nudged my husband but I'm newly pregnant with our first, so he could be forgiven for not thinking to recognize the holiday. What did your DH do last year? Has he dropped the ball on Mother's Day before?

You're not a mother.

Yeah, huge eyeroll here. Of course it would be fine and cute for your husband to celebrate mother's day with you, but the idea that you decided to push him for recognition when you're just newly pregnant? Come on.

Well, congratulations on being a garbage person. We tried for a long time and are very excited to be expecting. He'll get recognition on Father's Day too, and you can continue to be garbage then. Go on.

Calling other people garbage makes you seem like you'll be a kind and loving mother pp!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I nudged my husband but I'm newly pregnant with our first, so he could be forgiven for not thinking to recognize the holiday. What did your DH do last year? Has he dropped the ball on Mother's Day before?

You're not a mother.

Yeah, huge eyeroll here. Of course it would be fine and cute for your husband to celebrate mother's day with you, but the idea that you decided to push him for recognition when you're just newly pregnant? Come on.

Well, congratulations on being a garbage person. We tried for a long time and are very excited to be expecting. He'll get recognition on Father's Day too, and you can continue to be garbage then. Go on.

Calling other people garbage makes you seem like you'll be a kind and loving mother pp!!!

DP but let's cut her some slack, she's newly pregnant and we all know that's rough.

FTM-to-be, you had to know you were going to be torn apart for celebrating mother's day before you have a child. You HAD to know that.

[Anonymous]

My husband got me a Mother's Day gift when I was pregnant with our first. I guess he was really excited. I am superstitious and thought it a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really need a parade and balloons for mother’s day?

Sorry, as a mother I don’t understand the “risk disappointment” part. If your life is that challenging, it’s up to you, not your husband, to change it, and not for one day.

Wow, you must be a way better mom than OP, since you don't care about Mother's Day!

I’m not a better mother, I just choose not to get bent out of shape over Hallmark Holidays. And by doing so, I don’t “risk disappointment”, and thus have no need to be sad, or disappointed, on a beautiful Sunday in May.

You are not the arbiter for what people get to consider important and feel disappointed about, PP. If it's important to her that her husband do something special for Mother's Day.

I agree that it's silly for the PP who is newly pregnant to expect a parade for Mother's Day this year, but if that's what is important to her, her husband should do something. PPs should feel free to be rude, but her husband, who loves her enough to impregnate her, should react differently.

To be fair it sounded like that PP was impregnated by a medical professional rather than her husband.

PP here: Bad guess, but way to try to take a snarky dig at people who need ART! Some genuinely unhappy people on these forums.

+1. Good lord, I'd say this is a new low for DCUM but I've seen it sink even lower...

[Anonymous]

Tell him what you want. I give my DH explicit instructions on what I want - homemade cards from the kids, breakfast, flowers (from Trader Joes - not 100.00 flowers from FTD) and a hike. He knows what I want, I'm not disappointed = everyone is happy. Marriage isn't a guessing game. Tell him what you want, or you will be disappointed.

[Anonymous]

There’s going to be a lot of hiking families on a Sunday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him what you want. I give my DH explicit instructions on what I want - homemade cards from the kids, breakfast, flowers (from Trader Joes - not 100.00 flowers from FTD) and a hike. He knows what I want, I'm not disappointed = everyone is happy. Marriage isn't a guessing game. Tell him what you want, or you will be disappointed.

Maybe it works for you, but I'd rather not have a 'contract fulfillment' gift. If he wants to give me something, it will have to be his idea. If he doesn't that's really OK too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love my husband v much but he's a horrible planner. Cannot think beyond a few days in advance. Should I nudge him to remind him of mother's day to make sure he has a plan or risk waking up on Sunday disapointed when he seemingly will just plan spur of moment? Anyone else going through this?

Just assume you're a single mom and don't count on anything and don't do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love my husband v much but he's a horrible planner. Cannot think beyond a few days in advance. Should I nudge him to remind him of mother's day to make sure he has a plan or risk waking up on Sunday disapointed when he seemingly will just plan spur of moment? Anyone else going through this?

If you;re going to be disappointed, give him a gentle reminder. Better to ask for what you want if it's really important to you.

As a mom, what is important to me is the message to our kids. Our first Mother’s Day he bought beautiful roses ordered online. I explained to him how much it means to me to have DS learn every year they go out and pick out flowers together, buy something for breakfast, and bring it home to me. The next year I got truly the most ugly daisies ever—these weird fluorescent dyed daisies but I was overjoyed. Now DS is 8 and I overheard him telling DH that he thinks they should buy me a bird feeder this year.

I do the same for Father’s Day, where DS and I pick out a card and he gets to pick a restaurant with me.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was going to be about nudging the husband to remember to recognize his mother on Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was going to be about nudging the husband to remember to recognize his mother on Mother's Day.

No that shit is up to him. His mom should have trained him better

[Anonymous]

I booked a spa day for myself and mu sister. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

My husband is out of town this year - he moved ahead of us into our new state and we're following at the end of the school year - and it made me realize how much I didn't care. I made sure to send our mothers flowers - his mom is going through a hard time, and my mom just assisted me with some child care, so they each are getting a nice bouquet of flowers. For me? I want to spend the day with my 8 year old (ha! no real choice because it's just me) who is thrilled to give me whatever she has made as a surprise. My husband isn't even on my radar - our moms are covered, my daughter has something she's excited about. Done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with nudging? I tell my DH my expectations in advance (super low) for holidays or days. This year my favorite indoor plant had died so I sent him a text about how I just knew our DD wanted to get me a new one for mother's day. He also knows by now that I want him to cook breakfast and dinner and plan a small family outing.

My mom never, ever tells my dad what she wants and then whines about it afterwards. "Why didn't he know I wanted those new gold earrings?!" She's pretty much out of control about gifts and makes holidays miserable. Even as her daughter I'm a great gifter and listener and half my gifts fail. Don't be my mom.

This x1000
This is a recipe for life, not just Mother’s Day.
1. Keep expectations reasonable, not outrageous
2. Communicate the expectations
3. Show genuine appreciation when it is done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love my husband v much but he's a horrible planner. Cannot think beyond a few days in advance. Should I nudge him to remind him of mother's day to make sure he has a plan or risk waking up on Sunday disapointed when he seemingly will just plan spur of moment? Anyone else going through this?

If you;re going to be disappointed, give him a gentle reminder. Better to ask for what you want if it's really important to you.

As a mom, what is important to me is the message to our kids. Our first Mother’s Day he bought beautiful roses ordered online. I explained to him how much it means to me to have DS learn every year they go out and pick out flowers together, buy something for breakfast, and bring it home to me. The next year I got truly the most ugly daisies ever—these weird fluorescent dyed daisies but I was overjoyed. Now DS is 8 and I overheard him telling DH that he thinks they should buy me a bird feeder this year.

I do the same for Father’s Day, where DS and I pick out a card and he gets to pick a restaurant with me.

Me too.