How often do you visit your kids once they go away to college?

[Anonymous]

If there's a specific event our DC wants us at, we certainly make the effort to go (she's 4 hours from home so not a prohibitive drive). But no, we have never just popped in for a random weekend.

She's a sophomore. We've been on campus 5 times (not including pickup/dropoff at the beginning/end of school year) for the following events:
- parents weekend x 2
- mom's weekend for sorority (me)
- dad's weekend for sorority (DH)
- football game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you all visit for family days? We go every year and it is a blast! I feel bad for the kids whose families aren’t there. The place is packed with parents and kids.

We go a weekend other than family weekend. Family weekend the hotels are overpriced. We weren't doing any of the college activities anyway so didn't need to go that busy weekend.l

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with going from seeing your child every single day to a handful of times a year? This is gonna hurt.

My kid spent the summer before college being rather obnoxious. Her high school had warned parents that this is quite common.

[Anonymous]

Kid is in UMBC. Comes home when he wants to and for special celebrations (anniversaries, weddings). We do not meet him unless it is a quarter break, but the fact that we can is a physiological relief.

[Anonymous]

Well, more than I thought we will. But, DS is only 3 hours away. I stayed away at first and didn't want to be a nuisance, and then once his sports season started he invited me to watch him play quite a few times. His team wins every time I show up, so now he wants me to come and watch him play, or give him money, I think it might be the nice dinner and more money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you all visit for family days? We go every year and it is a blast! I feel bad for the kids whose families aren’t there. The place is packed with parents and kids.

I haven't gone, but DS invited me to a game two days before, so it seemed like an overkill. What is there to do for family day? Maybe I am emotionally stunted?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with going from seeing your child every single day to a handful of times a year? This is gonna hurt.

Easy. I was pretty glad when DS went to college. I might not be the most emotional person, but honestly I found it bit harder when he came home for winter break and then left. I actually welcomed a break from cooking and constant teen drama! DS is a great kid/young adult now and college has helped him deal with his anxiety, he is becoming popular kid due to his sport, he is trying hard in his classes. Why should I hurt? It is a normal step in life, I am happy for my kid to become independent and figure it on his own. My mom has always been that "I live for my kids and their kids...." mom, and that kind of emotional dependence isn't healthy, she will never see it as a burden, you know, she is all about us, but it is a burden in every single way, most emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the kid. When my son went away, he was a five hour plane ride. For his freshman year we agreed somebody would visit once a month or he'd come home. But he'd get to see family once a month, somehow. He was not sure he'd stay at that college through his freshman year, then all four years, etc. Now he is in med school there. For sophomore year he was open to it being every other month. After that it was every 2-3 months. But we FaceTime and/or text daily. He's a mama's boy.

When my daughter went to school she was also a five hour plane ride away. She was an hour away from DS. So if we visited one, obviously we visited the other. I think they saw each other once or twice a month separate from us visiting our son. She would have been fine leaving at the end of August, coming home for Thanksgiving, then winter break, then spring break, then summer. MAYYYYYBE she would have wanted a visit around February?

We're a close family though. This is unusual.

And a wealthy one too, apparently. How much did you spend on plane fare every year if you don't mind sharing? It sounds like you bought what, ten, plane tickets to the West Coast? So probably about an additional seven thousand dollars in addition to tuition and room and board? Wow!

Hey, we talked him down from every other weekend. Actually we pointed out that if that's what he needed to thrive than a college across the country was the wrong choice for him. Yes, it was a lot of money. Totally worth it.

[Anonymous]

He a mama's boy? So you let your 18 year old dictate how many times you need to visit him, and how much to spend on mama's boy? Honestly, my approach would have been totally different, sink or swim. Every month? I don't care how rich you are, but you writing with such pride that he is mama's boy, well, you failed your kid.

[Anonymous]

My parents NEVER came to see me. My siblings were collegiate athletes and they managed to drive hours to go watch them play. Can you tell that I have some resentment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents NEVER came to see me. My siblings were collegiate athletes and they managed to drive hours to go watch them play. Can you tell that I have some resentment?

Did you ask your parents to come visit you? Some kids/college students are money worried(for their parents too) so they say they don't want them to come, my DS is like this. He does have anxiety. Maybe they didn't want to intrude? Or did they really not care and even though you told them to come, they still didn't? That is bad then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im wondering if some of these posters turn into the parents who are guilting dcum posters about sp bring every holiday at home after they are grown, married, with kids, and want to start their own family traditions but have to navigate two sets of needy parents.

what?

She/he is wondering, these parents that are heart broken about only seeing their kids at parents weekend, then Thanksgiving then Christmas... are these the same parents that make holidays a nightmare when their kids are grown.

I vote, yes, they are.

I vote yes too. And they seem to place extreme importance on holidays since they don't see their kids other times of the year.

It sounds like you place no importance on seeing your kids because you aren’t that close and they don’t enjoy spending time with their family, even on holidays. That is okay. Some kids like their families and some don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents NEVER came to see me. My siblings were collegiate athletes and they managed to drive hours to go watch them play. Can you tell that I have some resentment?

Ugh, that sucks. My DH’s dad only can for athletes too. High school and college. Only time he cared and was way too intense at the games. He was a crappy Dad all around though.

[Anonymous]

I actually didn't want my parents to come to visit me at college. In fact, I remember not necessarily enjoying when other parents visited our hallway because you had to be mindful of them being there. It just changed the fun and atmosphere of the hall.

So, as much as I would love nothing better than to be a fly on the wall at my own kid's dorm, I remember what it was like being that age, too. A big part of living on campus is figuring things out for yourself.

That said, if there is a parents' weekend, heck yeah I'll go .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents NEVER came to see me. My siblings were collegiate athletes and they managed to drive hours to go watch them play. Can you tell that I have some resentment?

Going to see your kid play in a public game is different than showing up to their dorm room at random times throughout the year. They probably didn't want to intrude.