How often do you visit your kids once they go away to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Visiting your student in college might just induce a great deal of anxiety in them. If you go, stay in a hotel (not their apartment) take all their laundry to a laundromat, scrub their bathroom and kitchen, take them to dinner and leave. They have no time to waste socializing and even if it looks like they have nothing to do, they are sweating about something they have to turn in at midnight and aren’t really enjoying the visit. I know you see a visit as a mini-vacation but for them it’s work.

Sounds like solid advice, but when I visit my kid - who is having a happy freshman experience - he seems excited to get off campus for dinner or some sightseeing with me. My take is that he likes the brief reprieve from the stress bubble. And a change of pace from the d-hall.

My husband had a work conference a few weeks in the city where dc goes to college and got done with the conference at 12 on a weekday and dd was also done with classes by then and so DH took DD out for lunch and a coffee date and then took her and a few friends out for dinner.

DD reports it was the highlight of her week, maybe month!

[Anonymous]

My kid was on the crew team, so we tried to go to as many regattas/races as we could.

[Anonymous]

Im wondering if some of these posters turn into the parents who are guilting dcum posters about sp bring every holiday at home after they are grown, married, with kids, and want to start their own family traditions but have to navigate two sets of needy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im wondering if some of these posters turn into the parents who are guilting dcum posters about sp bring every holiday at home after they are grown, married, with kids, and want to start their own family traditions but have to navigate two sets of needy parents.

*spending* every holiday...

[Anonymous]

I went to college 45 min away. I saw my parents 1-2x a semester for an afternoon or dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im wondering if some of these posters turn into the parents who are guilting dcum posters about sp bring every holiday at home after they are grown, married, with kids, and want to start their own family traditions but have to navigate two sets of needy parents.

what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im wondering if some of these posters turn into the parents who are guilting dcum posters about sp bring every holiday at home after they are grown, married, with kids, and want to start their own family traditions but have to navigate two sets of needy parents.

what?

She/he is wondering, these parents that are heart broken about only seeing their kids at parents weekend, then Thanksgiving then Christmas... are these the same parents that make holidays a nightmare when their kids are grown.

I vote, yes, they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im wondering if some of these posters turn into the parents who are guilting dcum posters about sp bring every holiday at home after they are grown, married, with kids, and want to start their own family traditions but have to navigate two sets of needy parents.

what?

She/he is wondering, these parents that are heart broken about only seeing their kids at parents weekend, then Thanksgiving then Christmas... are these the same parents that make holidays a nightmare when their kids are grown.

I vote, yes, they are.

I vote yes too. And they seem to place extreme importance on holidays since they don't see their kids other times of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the kid. When my son went away, he was a five hour plane ride. For his freshman year we agreed somebody would visit once a month or he'd come home. But he'd get to see family once a month, somehow. He was not sure he'd stay at that college through his freshman year, then all four years, etc. Now he is in med school there. For sophomore year he was open to it being every other month. After that it was every 2-3 months. But we FaceTime and/or text daily. He's a mama's boy.

When my daughter went to school she was also a five hour plane ride away. She was an hour away from DS. So if we visited one, obviously we visited the other. I think they saw each other once or twice a month separate from us visiting our son. She would have been fine leaving at the end of August, coming home for Thanksgiving, then winter break, then spring break, then summer. MAYYYYYBE she would have wanted a visit around February?

We're a close family though. This is unusual.

And a wealthy one too, apparently. How much did you spend on plane fare every year if you don't mind sharing? It sounds like you bought what, ten, plane tickets to the West Coast? So probably about an additional seven thousand dollars in addition to tuition and room and board? Wow!

[Anonymous]

Don't you all remember going off to college? I'm not a homesick person but it was hard in the beginning. If you see your kids too often or let them fly home too often it means they're making less friends at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all remember going off to college? I'm not a homesick person but it was hard in the beginning. If you see your kids too often or let them fly home too often it means they're making less friends at school.

Yes, and I wasn't particularly homesick. I was busy figuring out college, I would not have wanted my parents visiting all that much. I had 4 roommates and I can't remember any parents visiting more than once a year. It would have been strange to have them constantly dropping in all the time. Please, give your kids some independence!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all remember going off to college? I'm not a homesick person but it was hard in the beginning. If you see your kids too often or let them fly home too often it means they're making less friends at school.

I do remember going off to college (in the early 80s) but I did not major in the performing arts, so my parents had no shows to see, or sporting event to witness, etc.

[Anonymous]

I went to a tiny school 90 minutes from the nearest rinky dink airport, and 4 hours from a major metro area. It was a 2 day drive. I went home at Christmas and a couple weeks during the summer. Otherwise, nope, did my own thing. One year I flew home for spring break because my grandmother died and I went to the funeral.

My parents rarely visited. The remote location kept them away. I never felt sad for myself that they didn't attend parents weekend or whatever. It was a pain to get to! (Which was admittedly part of the appeal to me) My boyfriend (now DH) had his family coming by CONSTANTLY. 12 hour drive and they were up for thanksgiving, spring break, his baseball games, parents weekend, random times "just because," a week during the summer....they suffocated the guy. And they wonder why we moved to Alaska.

[Anonymous]

At least parents today can send their kid a quick text to see how they're doing and what they're up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all remember going off to college? I'm not a homesick person but it was hard in the beginning. If you see your kids too often or let them fly home too often it means they're making less friends at school.

most schools recommend not visiting between the start of school and parents weekend.