Met the love of my life in 2nd grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't actually know this person you claim to be "the love of your life". She's a fantasy you've constructed that your wife can never live up to because she's a real, flawed person, not someone you've built up in your head.

People change a lot between school and adulthood, and a sexy encounter and some texts don't make this woman your soulmate. If you leave your wife for her, I'm betting after a decade, a kid or two, and a life of everyday drudgery, you'll be thinking you made a terrible mistake and escaping into yet another fantasy.

This. You are in love with an ideal. You don’t actually know who she is, like you would know her in a relationship or by dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP make up your mind. Did you regret marrying your wife from the first day or after you stopped being intimate?

You are either totally detached from reality or a troll.

I regret marrying her. It became even harder to deal with when my wife physically (and emotionally) left the marriage the day she told me that she (not we) was pregnant. It was like a switch had been flipped. And to the other poster, if she cheats, then she cheats. I don't know if I would get divorced. If she considered me cheating I am 99% sure she would not leave, she has told me this is so many words. She has told me that marrying me has "set her up for life".

So what's wrong with you that you wouldn't divorce a woman like this?

I do not believe in divorce when there is a young child that needs a home with a mother and father.

But you believe in marrying a woman you didn't love, procreating with her, living a life of celibacy, and having furtive text and make out sessions with the love of your life from a million years ago? The integrity train left the station as soon as you married your wife, so don't martyr yourself for your child now. You want your son to grow up and have a marriage like yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The scale of your betrayal of your wife is monumental--probably beyond what you have the capacity to contemplate with your head wedged that far up your behind.

But all of this because you "can't be that divorced family"? Weak tea, OP. Get divorced. Live with some integrity.

I have more integrity that many many others out there and see if in my job every single day. I am staying honorable to being married, a promise I made and keeping my child from being shuttled between homes and parents that don't get along. That is the definition of integrity.

This is where you are going wrong, it's really really not, but you have convinced yourself that it is. That's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP make up your mind. Did you regret marrying your wife from the first day or after you stopped being intimate?

You are either totally detached from reality or a troll.

I regret marrying her. It became even harder to deal with when my wife physically (and emotionally) left the marriage the day she told me that she (not we) was pregnant. It was like a switch had been flipped. And to the other poster, if she cheats, then she cheats. I don't know if I would get divorced. If she considered me cheating I am 99% sure she would not leave, she has told me this is so many words. She has told me that marrying me has "set her up for life".

So what's wrong with you that you wouldn't divorce a woman like this?

I do not believe in divorce when there is a young child that needs a home with a mother and father.

But you believe in marrying a woman you didn't love, procreating with her, living a life of celibacy, and having furtive text and make out sessions with the love of your life from a million years ago? The integrity train left the station as soon as you married your wife, so don't martyr yourself for your child now. You want your son to grow up and have a marriage like yours?

If my son lives a life where he is putting his family ahead of himself, yes then that is honorable. Me getting divorced would be selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The scale of your betrayal of your wife is monumental--probably beyond what you have the capacity to contemplate with your head wedged that far up your behind.

But all of this because you "can't be that divorced family"? Weak tea, OP. Get divorced. Live with some integrity.

I have more integrity that many many others out there and see if in my job every single day.

What kind of job is this? Are you a lawyer for white-collar criminals or something?

You're not "staying honorable to being married" in any way other than the external appearance. You know your wife would call bullshit on this if she knew about it--so you keep it from her. How would you feel if your child ended up married to someone like you?

Law enforcement. I see domestics everyday. Kids taken to CPS, kids watching their dad get hauled off because of restraining orders, visitation issues, you name it. No way am I putting my kids through that broken family drama. He's 12, entering middle school then high school. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did it every occur to you that your intimacy with your wife suffered because you never really wanted to marry her? Because you wished she was someone else on your wedding day? Maybe you've never told her about your feelings for this person, but it's pretty clear that you never really loved your wife. So you keep telling yourself that you have "technically" cheated, and you keep blaming your wife for your unhappiness, and you keep telling yourself that there is anything noble about the way you have chosen to live your life. Noble would be cutting off your relationship with the other woman. You want to have your cake and eat it, too.

Op isn't eating any cake LOL. He isn't getting any at home and isn't from his 'one' either. He saw her 15 years ago, then just 2 years ago. I'm guessing 15 years ago was some sort of class reunion, so that's not really seeing her. Then he tried to hook up with her when she was in town for business and that didn't work out because of his morals. I don't agree with the relationship that is happening, but I do give him props for thinking about his kid and not creating another divorced/broken family situation. I'm divorced and it's a nightmare for my kids. Bringing stuff back and forth, waking up for school and the shirt they wanted to wear is at their other parents house. Asking "where am I this weekend". Kids have it tough and he's trying to at least protect his kid.

Is the kid really better off? Not like kid is living in a happy home. The parents, at best, dislike one another and are miserable. Mom has frozen dad out and dad is desperately wishing he were with someone else. My most emotionally screwed up friend had parents who "stayed together for the kids". She says she and her siblings knew their parents were desperately unhappy together by the time she was in elementary school. Of course divorce is awful, but growing up in a house rife with tension and cold silence isn't a happy home life or a great relationship model either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP make up your mind. Did you regret marrying your wife from the first day or after you stopped being intimate?

You are either totally detached from reality or a troll.

I regret marrying her. It became even harder to deal with when my wife physically (and emotionally) left the marriage the day she told me that she (not we) was pregnant. It was like a switch had been flipped. And to the other poster, if she cheats, then she cheats. I don't know if I would get divorced. If she considered me cheating I am 99% sure she would not leave, she has told me this is so many words. She has told me that marrying me has "set her up for life".

So what's wrong with you that you wouldn't divorce a woman like this?

I do not believe in divorce when there is a young child that needs a home with a mother and father.

But you believe in marrying a woman you didn't love, procreating with her, living a life of celibacy, and having furtive text and make out sessions with the love of your life from a million years ago? The integrity train left the station as soon as you married your wife, so don't martyr yourself for your child now. You want your son to grow up and have a marriage like yours?

If my son lives a life where he is putting his family ahead of himself, yes then that is honorable. Me getting divorced would be selfish.

If you want you son to grow up to be a sad sack wanna be martyr who romanticizes women instead of treating them as fully individual complex beings deserving of respect then sure you're on track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:first time poster on here, but need to get stuff off my chest. I met the love of my life in 2nd grade. She has been on my mind every single day since then. Every. Single. Day.
I never had enough courage to be anything more than a good friend with her. Fast forward and we are both in our mid 40's now. She was married, is divorced (for 4 years). I'm still married.

I think about her everyday. Everyday. All day. She is the one.

My wife and I are room mates. We haven't been intimate in over 10 years. Neither of us wants to, we sleep in separate rooms or the couch most nights. I never should have married her. On our wedding day, it wasn't her I saw walking down the aisle. We have 1 child, 6th grade. I can't be that divorced family. I can't. My parents stayed together, both have passed away. Both loved the one. Both knew how I felt about the one. We live about 5 hours away from each other. We text daily. I wouldn't want my wife to see some of the texts. I help her with things I can do from here, screen shots on how to fix something, advice, sexts, you name it. We met up 2 years ago when she was in town for work and had dinner. I finally told her how I felt and ended up spending the night at her hotel. Wife thought I was working an overnight shift. We didn't have sex, but it was close. I couldn't do it. My heart and body wanted to, but my brain told me it was morally wrong. She knows how I feel about her and says she feels the same. I struggle every single day.

Stalker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The scale of your betrayal of your wife is monumental--probably beyond what you have the capacity to contemplate with your head wedged that far up your behind.

But all of this because you "can't be that divorced family"? Weak tea, OP. Get divorced. Live with some integrity.

I have more integrity that many many others out there and see if in my job every single day.

What kind of job is this? Are you a lawyer for white-collar criminals or something?

You're not "staying honorable to being married" in any way other than the external appearance. You know your wife would call bullshit on this if she knew about it--so you keep it from her. How would you feel if your child ended up married to someone like you?

Law enforcement. I see domestics everyday. Kids taken to CPS, kids watching their dad get hauled off because of restraining orders, visitation issues, you name it. No way am I putting my kids through that broken family drama. He's 12, entering middle school then high school. No way.

Fine then you have 6 more years before college. You've already swanned around like sad sack for 35 years, what's another 6?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP make up your mind. Did you regret marrying your wife from the first day or after you stopped being intimate?

You are either totally detached from reality or a troll.

I regret marrying her. It became even harder to deal with when my wife physically (and emotionally) left the marriage the day she told me that she (not we) was pregnant. It was like a switch had been flipped. And to the other poster, if she cheats, then she cheats. I don't know if I would get divorced. If she considered me cheating I am 99% sure she would not leave, she has told me this is so many words. She has told me that marrying me has "set her up for life".

So what's wrong with you that you wouldn't divorce a woman like this?

I do not believe in divorce when there is a young child that needs a home with a mother and father.

But you believe in marrying a woman you didn't love, procreating with her, living a life of celibacy, and having furtive text and make out sessions with the love of your life from a million years ago? The integrity train left the station as soon as you married your wife, so don't martyr yourself for your child now. You want your son to grow up and have a marriage like yours?

If my son lives a life where he is putting his family ahead of himself, yes then that is honorable. Me getting divorced would be selfish.

You aren't honorable. You are martyring yourself and living in a fantasy. You are selfishly indulging in a crush that, if your wife finds out and divorces you, will make you the bad guy. Honorable would be divorcing and being free and clear to pursue the woman you love, or cutting off contact with her and stop playing with fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. Seek help. Seriously. There is no chance she is the love of your life. You have made it up in your head. And probably ruined your real marriage in the process.

+1

+100

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for you OP. I think you are very sweet, but you don't have to be THAT divorced couple. You can just be a divorced couple who happily found their soulmates after divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is drama filled if the participants are drama filled. You should know this as a law enforcement officer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is drama filled if the participants are drama filled. You should know this as a law enforcement officer.

+1 does it scare anyone else that OP might not be right in the head and have access to a firearm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is drama filled if the participants are drama filled. You should know this as a law enforcement officer.

+1 does it scare anyone else that OP might not be right in the head and have access to a firearm?

might? I think he's pretty much confirmed the presence of fruit bats in the belfry.