Wife won't leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM wildly overestimates how uptight family court judges are. Ask me about a recent divorce I advised on with a parent who openly admitted to regular pot use. Judge does not care. And this wasn’t in DC/a fully decriminalized State.

Pot use in the safety of one's home isn't in the same league as driving while tipsy, although that only matters if she is actually caught.

I might argue if OP's wife is leaving the kid with OP in order to party it up, that might be a factor. But if OP's wife decides she wants to be mother of the year, she'll get 50/50 or even majority custody unless something is really wrong. Right now, she gets to party it up and has a free babysitter. Why would she want to change?

Fifteen years ago my father had to move a mountain to obtain "permanent residence" and joint custody. Mom is/was an alcoholic and sounds very similar to OP's wife. He had every piece of smoking gun evidence imaginable but it came down to the court not believing she was enough of a danger to her children, and that worse damage would be done by keeping us from her I felt for my Dad, he endured hell after the divorce trying to co-parent with her.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so focused about her leaving? Legally, you can't make her. You should start divorce proceedings instead of blathering on like this.

[Anonymous]

Because her presence is impacting on my kids behavior. They are regressing and picking up on the tension. I also can't stand to look at her knowing what she is doing with this other guy.
It kills me to see my kids like this and I cannot allow it to continue. She is a mess and this situation cannot be allowed to continue.

[Anonymous]

Do you have an appointment to see a lawyer, OP? If not, you’re just whistling Dixie. Your anger, sorrow, and humiliation are not really relevant here. Your legal rights as a father are.

[Anonymous]

Wait, I just saw this from OP:

“I told her she needs to get out even on a temporary basis and decide what she wants to do in terms f out marriage but no”

Do you not actually want a divorce, OP? This is insane. She doesn’t have any choices in terms of your marriage. Neither do you, for that matter. Your marriage is over. I’m extending my advice. Tomorrow, after you make the appointment with a lawyer, make an appointment with a counselor.

I am also hearing an alarm bell go off about how mad she “makes” you. If you can’t keep your temper at home, then you do need to remove yourself from the situation, children or not. Is there any form of violence happening at home? Any degree at all? Would she say that there was?

[Anonymous]

I have only ever treated her with love and respect. She meant everything to me. She got treated like a princess maybe that was the problem.
My thinking is that if I ask her to leave temporarily she will come up with a decision on her OWN behalf rather then saying I forced her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have only ever treated her with love and respect. She meant everything to me. She got treated like a princess maybe that was the problem.
My thinking is that if I ask her to leave temporarily she will come up with a decision on her OWN behalf rather then saying I forced her out.

Uh, no, that wasn’t the problem. The problem is that she’s an asshole, not that you didn’t properly manipulate her into “good” behavior. Careful lest you end up a red-pill MRA.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. Call a lawyer. There us literally nothing else you should be doing. And knowing that you’re taking action will make the time that you have to spend with her easier.

If you’re not calling a lawyer today: why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say "Shoo! Go on and git!!"

+1

but make sure you have a flyswatter* in your hand.... it's more effective!



*as seen on tv.

[Anonymous]

A lawyer will tell him the same thing. She doesn't have to move out and you can't force her. She needs to move in with that BF but obviously, she doesn't want to. So do the math. You can leave, with your kids as I did. Move their beds and stuff and take all the furniture, TVs, dishes, pots and pans, etc you need with you. It's all yours. Then figure the costs of buying all the other stuff you need to furnish the apartment, plus the rent you will be paying on top of the mortgage you will stay be paying for her to live in your house. Figure the BF will move in about 2 weeks later. Cut off all the utilities in your name for the end of the first month and let her know she needs to call and put that in her name.

Or...have your attorney draw up an agreement where she moves out and you pay her what it would have cost you, per month, for 12 months (18,24? negotiable) while you wait out the one year separation before the final divorce. She can set up a nice little love nest with her new BF. If you know the guy, it's a good idea for you to let him know the deal you are offering her so he can encourage it. He wants time with her, alone. He doesn't want anything to do with your kids.

Either way it's going to cost you. I tried option two first and almost had her convinced before a bunch of her GFs (who later abandoned her) set her straight that it was a bad deal and she should get the house free and clear along with alimony and child support. She liked how that sounded, so she refused the agreement.

I went and rented a place for my kids and I and started moving as much of their stuff over there as I could without her noticing. Then one fine morning, I backed up a moving and truck and with a couple friends, loaded up the big stuff. She woke up to this move in process.

Ultimately, I still paid her to leave. She should have taken the first deal which was better but chose for both of us to waste money on attorneys, only to end up in the same place. I told her right in front of both attorneys, the money I offered you in the beginning, just went into the college funds of these two guys so now I have less to offer you.

Don't expect an attorney to to be this aggressive or creative. Trust me when I say, every minute you spend talking to one, and every minute he spends talking to the other side, and sending their stupid canned letters back and forth, is a total waste of time=your money. In the end, it will all have no value at all and no judge will give any weight to your endless fights. But oh how the attorneys love these disputes so they can run up their bills.

You have to take control of this situation. If you came here for sympathy, OK you got it. If you came here for answers, you haven't received any good advice beyond, "see an attorney now."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DW just seemed to think she could stay here for the sake of the kids and have an affair at the same time. I am so mad. Trying to stay calm but she makes it impossible

I mean, yes, she can, so

Umm, no she can't. She broke the marriage - she should get out and he can take care of the kids + hire a sitter as needed.

NP. Can/can't and should are very different things. She absolutely CAN and if OP has an ounce of brain in him he'll keep his anger and temper in check and see a lawyer tomorrow. You can shout until you're red in the face about what cheaters SHOULD do and it's not going to make a difference.

Says the cheater.

I agree about the lawyer. Especially the pp who suggested you get a lawyer experienced going after women in divorce and winning. Be kind to her face and in front of your kid but legally show her no mercy.

???

Wtf are you talking about? She has a legal right to stay. No one is pro-cheater here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Maryland, does it hurt you if you move out and leave a spouse and kid behind? My Ex did this, and I’m wondering if my lawyer should have worked this angle.

Worked this angle how? Someone has to move out eventually. What did you expect him to do?

OP would be on the other side of this if he just ups and leaves without the kids. Will a judge penalize him wrt alimony, child support, splitting assets, or something else? Does his wife have anything to gain if she can show abandonment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Maryland, does it hurt you if you move out and leave a spouse and kid behind? My Ex did this, and I’m wondering if my lawyer should have worked this angle.

Worked this angle how? Someone has to move out eventually. What did you expect him to do?

OP would be on the other side of this if he just ups and leaves without the kids. Will a judge penalize him wrt alimony, child support, splitting assets, or something else? Does his wife have anything to gain if she can show abandonment?

No. There is no “abandonment” if one person moves out in order to initiate or continue a required one year separation. What in the world are you all talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Maryland, does it hurt you if you move out and leave a spouse and kid behind? My Ex did this, and I’m wondering if my lawyer should have worked this angle.

Worked this angle how? Someone has to move out eventually. What did you expect him to do?

OP would be on the other side of this if he just ups and leaves without the kids. Will a judge penalize him wrt alimony, child support, splitting assets, or something else? Does his wife have anything to gain if she can show abandonment?

No. There is no “abandonment” if one person moves out in order to initiate or continue a required one year separation. What in the world are you all talking about.

You seem to be assuming 1). They have a signed agreement in place 2) that there are no legal consequences if the guy moves out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lawyer will tell him the same thing. She doesn't have to move out and you can't force her. She needs to move in with that BF but obviously, she doesn't want to. So do the math. You can leave, with your kids as I did. Move their beds and stuff and take all the furniture, TVs, dishes, pots and pans, etc you need with you. It's all yours. Then figure the costs of buying all the other stuff you need to furnish the apartment, plus the rent you will be paying on top of the mortgage you will stay be paying for her to live in your house. Figure the BF will move in about 2 weeks later. Cut off all the utilities in your name for the end of the first month and let her know she needs to call and put that in her name.

Or...have your attorney draw up an agreement where she moves out and you pay her what it would have cost you, per month, for 12 months (18,24? negotiable) while you wait out the one year separation before the final divorce. She can set up a nice little love nest with her new BF. If you know the guy, it's a good idea for you to let him know the deal you are offering her so he can encourage it. He wants time with her, alone. He doesn't want anything to do with your kids.

Either way it's going to cost you. I tried option two first and almost had her convinced before a bunch of her GFs (who later abandoned her) set her straight that it was a bad deal and she should get the house free and clear along with alimony and child support. She liked how that sounded, so she refused the agreement.

I went and rented a place for my kids and I and started moving as much of their stuff over there as I could without her noticing. Then one fine morning, I backed up a moving and truck and with a couple friends, loaded up the big stuff. She woke up to this move in process.

Ultimately, I still paid her to leave. She should have taken the first deal which was better but chose for both of us to waste money on attorneys, only to end up in the same place. I told her right in front of both attorneys, the money I offered you in the beginning, just went into the college funds of these two guys so now I have less to offer you.

Don't expect an attorney to to be this aggressive or creative. Trust me when I say, every minute you spend talking to one, and every minute he spends talking to the other side, and sending their stupid canned letters back and forth, is a total waste of time=your money. In the end, it will all have no value at all and no judge will give any weight to your endless fights. But oh how the attorneys love these disputes so they can run up their bills.

You have to take control of this situation. If you came here for sympathy, OK you got it. If you came here for answers, you haven't received any good advice beyond, "see an attorney now."

I am not clear how you could take the kids anywhere and move them to a new residence without your spouse' consent if you were still married at the time/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am not clear how you could take the kids anywhere and move them to a new residence without your spouse' consent if you were still married at the time/

Let me be clear on that. I DID NOT have the consent of my spouse. You are mistaken if you think I needed it. I didn't leave the state and I didn't hide them from her. At that point I was just as much their custodial parent as her. I did this with the full knowledge of my attorney and what he was going to be facing come Monday morning.

There are no laws forcing a family to stay intact. Have you never heard of a woman leaving the home with her kids? Happens all the time, right? Does this only surprise you because it was a man?

One factor I didn't mention is that both kids were old enough to tell anyone who asked that they wanted to live with me, and not her, along with their reasons. So you could also say that I moved out, and they decided to come with me. Either way, it all worked out. I didn't sit around in a highly volatile household waiting for bad things to happen while letting attorneys and others who profit from the fallout tell me what to do.